Today in Comics History, July 20: Happy birthday, Dick Giordano!

Born on this day in 1932: comics penciller/inker and editor Dick Giordano! He's drawn Sarge Steel, Strange Suspense Stories (his artwork there stolen and reappropriated by Roy Lichenstein), Action Comics (Atom, Human Target, Green Arrow), Batman, The Brave and the Bold, Love Romances, Modesty Blaise, Elongated Man in The Flash and Detective Comics, Doctor Strange, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, Lois Lane (Rose and Thorn), and much more, including inking such prestigious books as Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, Wonder Woman, Thor, Atari Force, John Byrne's Man of Steel, Neil gaiman's Sandman, Batman, Green Lantern/Green Arrow, Bloodshot, and Crisis on Infinite Earths! And the proverbial multitude of others! And his own instructional book Draw Comics with Dick Giordano! (Amazon ad) He co-founded Continuity Associates with Neal Adams! He co-created Leslie Thompkins and Talia al Ghul! What hasn't this guy done?



house ads from DC Comics cover-dated December 1970 (top) and November 1971 (bottom)

Today in Comics History, July 20, 1976: Jenette Kahn and pals celebrate Summer Super Bowl win

from "The Deadly Treasure of Mars" in The Superman Family #182 (DC, March 1977), script by Jack C. Harris, pencils by Mike Vosburg, inks by Al Milgrom

Today in Comics History, May 16: Happy birthday, Jenette Kahn!

Born on this day: Jenette Kahn, former publisher, president, and editor-in-chief of DC Comics, and visible editorial face of the company for much of the '80s and '90s.


cover of Savvy (January 1984)

Today in Comics History, May 2: Dynasty II: The Colbys (or, Who's That Brother-in-Law?)

SPOILER WARNING: do not read this post until you've read The 1978 2017 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: July Jabbing! Also, until you've read this month's issue of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl. Because that's a really good comic.

Okay! Back Forward in July I challenged you to guess the identity of the double-secret super mystery Guest Villain of DC's 1978 calendar, and the July clue was:


I'mma gonna tell you the truth here: although I've pretty much known since clue one in January that the mystery bad guy is SPOILER WARNING Lex Luthor, I never knew he had a brother-in-law! Sure, everybody knows that Luthor's sister, Lena Thorul (and what a clever anagram that is) is a supporting character of the pre-Crisis DC Universe, but had she actually ever been married?

Turns out...yes! Yes, Lena Thorul did get married. On this very date (which is why I placed the answer to those cryptic clues on this date)!


from Super DC Calendar 1976 (Dc, 1975), letters by Ben Oda
And you didn't send her a toaster. Shame on you.


from "The Great Supergirl Double-Cross!" in Action Comics (1938 series) #317 (October 1964), script by Leo Dorfman, pencils and inks by Jim Mooney, letters by the aptly named Joe Letterese
Oh man oh man oh man, it's another kooky but compelling Silver Age setup to a story of Super-family shenanigans, also including the subsection of super-jerkery. Also: entry #2,420 in my extensive catalogue of characters thinking the word "choke!". Apparently Lena Hurt-Lo had a boyfriend and Supergirl (breathy insert voice: in her secret identity as Linda Danvers, orphan-at-large) stole him away? You jerk, Supergirl! And speaking of jerks, here's Lena's big bad bald brother Lex, rotting away the rest of his six hundred and six consecutive life sentences at supermax jail Metropolis prison, where because of his dangerous nature, he's held motionless in a special capsule designed by Superman to keep Luthor from moving or OH FOR PETE'S SAKE THEY GAVE HIM A TELEVISION SET. Doncha know that Luthor can construct an atom bomb out of a television set, an ordinary pack of playing cards, beef bravy, and that sharpened toothbrush he was shivved with in the prison shower? Luthor tries to get a look at the photograph of Jeff Colby, Lena's boyfriend, but his magic idiot box isn't able to change angles even though he's looking at her without cameras. (Shrugs) The Silver Age!


La la la la la la la la la la (humming The Donna Reed Theme) The next day, Linda/Kara and her boyfriend..."Dick"...meet to go on a double date picnic. As far as I can tell..."Dick"...has no lines in this story and apparently only serves to set things on fire. he thus becomes one of several beards to deceive the world at large that Supergirl actually truly only loves Bill "Biron" Starr, her ancient Grecian boyfriend who is also a centaur. Kara was always a little too into My Little Pony and Superman worried quite a bit about that. As would you.

Anyway, Lena's Thorul-sense is tingling, her ESP warning her wait did we mention she had ESP? Lena has ESP. As the caption (one in every panel!) helpfully reminds us, "Due to a necessarily impurity, Lena has extra-sensory perception of the color yellow." Oh yeah? then who bought that dress? Supergirl spies a crashing plane with the pilot bailing out and immediately jumps to the circumstantial evidence that this must be the same guy Lena's dating. Because comics.


Because Superman has mandated that Supergirl remain under cover and hidden from the human race in her red and blue uniform with a miniskirt, Kara blows Jeff NO NOW STOP IT. YOU'VE GOT A VERY DIRTY MIND. Kara uses her super-breath to land Jeff near to the site of the picnic. But Jeff seems to be hiding something and is acting quite mysterious, hmmmm! HE'S A BIGAMIST! HE'S A MURDERER! and other random guesses.


Spying on Jeff, Linda/Kara/Supergirl learns that he has a mysterious spy car! And that he's transmitting mysterious spy signals! To a mysterious spy base! Mysteriously!


Thus is set up the dilemma of the story, so soap-operaish it's washing my mouth out: Linda knows that Jeff Colby is a super secret agent spy guy with guns and boats and tanks! But she dare not let Lena know that she may be marrying a dirty low-down enemy agent spyyyyyy. (Draw that last word out as long and with as much disdain as you can manage.) Also, here's one time Lena's ESP doesn't warn her of danger! And Linda pronounces the word "choke." This one's got it all!


Even Luthor, finally recognizing Lena's fiance, is aghast at the circumstances. So...it's somebody Lex knows, huh? Could it be...Otis?


With all the subtlety of a script from Three's Company and not even the Chrissie years, Supergirl vows to break up Jeff and Lena! She vows that once she's done, Lena will totally hate Jeff! So, her plan is obvious: Supergirl is going to show Lena Jeff's Gamergate posts on 4chan.


Yadda yadda yadda much misadventure and misunderstanding later, Supergirl finally finds out that Jeff Colby is a spy like us for us: the FBI agent who put Luthor behind bars! Yes, Kara, there can be good spies too! And hey wait, there was one time when it wasn't Superman who put Luthor behind bars? What's up with that?


DID I MENTION THERE'S A JEFF COLBY ROBOT


All's well that ends well and Lena married Jeff to become Lena Thorul-Colby, an ancient Kryptonian name which means "brother-in-law to Lex Luthor." Say, readers, who the heck do you think the perfect husband for Supergirl will be?


MRS. LINDA BULLY
MR. & MRS. BULLY AND SUPERGIRL BULL
KARA ZOR-EL AND HER SUPER-HUNKY HUSBAND, BULLY


Before we move onto the next appearance of Jeff Colby, Husband to the Sister of the World's Most Dangerous Man, let's peek a couple problematic moments in Action #317, such as this explanation of where Supergirl hides her costume. "The Super-Lipstick: What It Is and How It Came to Be!" Man, that's barely one step different that Batgirl's major weapon being her purse.


Say, did I mention the word "problematic?" SUPERMAN NO


Panels from "Superman's Rainbow Face!" in Action Comics (1938 series) #317 (October 1964), script by Otto Binder, pencils and inks by Al Plastino
Anyway, let's take a look at Jeff Colby's next appearance in comics, shall we? Ooh, this looks exciting! I bet accomplished senior FBI agent Jeff is going to aid Supergirl in hunting down the Man with the Explosive Mind! Or maybe he is the Man with the Explosive Mind! Wow, it's so exciting my mind is exploding!


Cover of The Superman Family #211 (October 1981), pencils by Ross Andru, inks by Dick Giordano
So! (clapping my hands together, leaning forward in excitement) Let's see what super-energized action-thribbled escapades Jeff Colby, The Sensational Character Find of 1964, is diving daringly head-first into!


Oh man. He's dead.

He died after his first appearance and before his only other mention.

The 1978 Calendar's clue refers to a character who only appeared once in a Supergirl backup story and then died.

You suck, Jeff Colby.

At 13th Dimension: "Thirteen Days a Week: A Beatles Comics Countdown" IV!

All this week on 13th Dimension, it's Beatles Week! I am starting to get jealous of my prolific person pal John who has written about some of the greatest Beatles appearances in comic books—thirteen in all! Tonight, installment number four, counting down from 4 to 2 and starring Starfire and Raven, Gold and Mercury*, and the world's only canonically correct Batman!

Just to prove I can also find comic book appearances of the Fab Four in my collection, I clipped out this one and handed it to John, but he didn't use it. I am going to start charging him for access to my comics vault. I keep makin' suggestions, but John never include the Beatles moments in comic books that I suggest. Moments like that time Clark Kent and Lana Lang went to a Beatles concert. 


from "Challenge of the Green K-tastrophe!" in Superman Family #198 (DC, November 1979), script by Cary Bates, pencils by Kurt Schaffenberger, inks by Joe Giella, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Ben Oda
I'm always amused by the dragged-along-like-a-trailer continuity of Superboy which remains constantly 15 years behind whatever era the contemporary Superman stories are taking place. In Action Comics #317 (October 1964), Supes is contemporary with the Beatles, so his Superboy would have been listening to, collecting the 45s, and taking Lana Lang to the Smallville sock hop dance to the music of Patti Page's "The Tennessee Waltz," Nat King Cole's "Mona Lisa," Gordon Jenkins and The Weavers' "Goodnight Irene," and this, quite possibly the greatest song of all time:


Which means that today's modern, collared New 52 Superman, as a teenager in Nu-Smallville, listened to and prevented teen Lex Luthor from illegally downloading, "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas, "Big Pimpin'" by Jay-Z, "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child, and this, quite possibly the greatest song about Y2K of all time:


John sez I'm not allowed to watch that video more than ten times in a row anymore.

To get back (hey!) on the subject of The Beatles: once again, that's Beatles Week at 13th Dimension! John's #1 Beatles moment in comic books will be posted tomorrow! And as The Beatles sang, "Tomorrow never knows!" Or was that a James Bond song?


I'm not allowed to watch that video more than once.

*The only metal that is liquid at room temperature.

365 Days of DC House Ads, Day 348: There's no place like gnome

House ad for The Superman Family #182 (March-April 1977); printed in The Superman Family #181 (January 1977)
Ad art: pencils and inks by Neal Adams (Superman), pencils and inks by Kurt Schaffenburger (Lois, Jimmy, Supergirl); designed and lettered by Gaspar Saladino
...otherwise known as the month Superman Family became a Dollar Comic: 80 pages of brand-new, no-reprint stories!


Left: Cover of The Superman Family #181, pencils by Ernie Chan, inks by Vince Colletta
Right: Cover of The Superman Family #182, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Neal Adams
...also known as the month Superman and Supergirl accidentally killed Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen by flying them into outer space.

Lois wanted to kill another dog.

You may remember this: that time when Lois killed a dog:


Panels from "Lois Lane's Kiss of Death!" in Lois Lane #7 (February 1959), script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Kurt Schaffenberger
Well, just to prove she hasn't learned her lesson, tonight we present: Lois can't get enough of the dog-killing.


Panels from "The Case of the Kidnapped Canines" in Superman Family #210 (September 1981), script by Gerry Conway, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Ben Oda
Geez, Lois, get some therapy!

Yes, truly, this was The Greatest Lois Lane Story Ever.

Today in Comics History, February 27: Clark Kent gets the inspiration to write the lyrics to the Human League's "Don't You Want Me"

from "Innocent—Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" in Superman Family #202 (DC, July 1980), script by Bob Rozakis, pencils by John Calnan, inks by Frank Chiaramonte, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Ben Oda

More Cow/Bull Month, Day 12: Wait, shouldn't he have to add some hamburgers to the jacket before he does that?

Panels from "The Man with the Eternity Hands!" in Superman Family #197 (September-October 1979), script by Jack C. Harris, pencils by Don Heck, inks by Joe Giella, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Todd Klein

Today in Comics History, May 19: The day Lois got shot in the head

from "Dead Men Do Tell Tales!" in Superman Family #220 (DC, July 1982), script by Tamsyn O'Flynn, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Tom Ziuko, letters by John Costanza

Today in Comics History, May 19: Lois gets her hair cut with a T-square

from "Dead Men Do Tell Tales!" in Superman Family #220 (DC, July 1982), script by Tamsyn O'Flynn, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Tom Ziuko, letters by John Costanza

Today in Comics History, May 19: Some crooks set themselves up to be punched by Superman

from "Dead Men Do Tell Tales!" in Superman Family #220 (DC, July 1982), script by Tamsyn O'Flynn, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Tom Ziuko, letters by John Costanza

Today in Comics History, May 12, 1982: Same As It Ever Was

from "Dead Men Do Tell Tales!" in Superman Family #220 (DC, July 1982), script by Tamsyn O'Flynn, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Tom Ziuko, letters by John Costanza

Whose Comic Book Is It, Anyway?

It's just another day in Metropolis...a day where Lois Lane survives a grenade attack...in her underwear!




Panels from Superman Family #212 (December 1981)

...and on a day when Jimmy Olsen escapes from a deathtrap in his underwear...



...is the same day that Clark Kent watches Lou Grant.



Let's look at another day. Today, Lois Lane escapes being kidnapped by a gun-wielding crazy maniac taxi driver (in other words, a taxi driver):




...and Jimmy Olsen takes out a pair of organized criminal weasels using only his wits an an Ikea Kvart lamp!



It's the same day that Clark Kent sneezes.



"Oh, come on," you're saying. "It's not fair to judge what Clark does...after all, we should look at what Superman is up to!" Well, reasonable enough...



Oh, good work, Superman. You re-heated a cup of coffee.

So: your fine Superman line of comic books from DC! We all know who the star of them is, don't we?



Yes, truly, this was The Greatest Lois Lane Story Ever.

You may find that blood is not enough

I didn't appreciate them at the time (not surprising, considering I'm only six years old), but the early 1980s Pre-Crisis DC Universe comics are a lot of fun. They have a friendly, earnest goofiness which, when it's done well, shows us the distinct difference between Marvel and DC of the time. Very soon after this period, worlds would live, and worlds would die, and the DC Universe was never the same again. But this is a period of outrageous team-ups (Batman and the Legion of Super-Heroes!), weird continuity (Pete Ross's son is kidnapped away from Earth to become a cosmic warrior!) and those big, overstuffed Dollar Comics: 80 to 100 pages of comics, frequently all-new, like this issue of Superman Family #214 (January 1982). Your standard ish of Supes Fam allowed the writers to focus on supporting cast members in the Super-Squad...a running Supergirl serial (from the period when she was a soap opera star!), and features on Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen (highlighting their smarts and go-get-'em capabilities to let them solve the mystery without Big Blue. There's even a regular "Mr. & Mrs. Superman" feature spotlighting the married Clark and Lois from Earth-2: amusing and often clever stories featuring the couple teaming up. Clearly this feature had to go...as everybody knows today, you can't tell a good story about a married superhero, right? Right? Um, never mind.

One of my fave features in Superman Family is "The Private Life of Clark Kent," which features Clark having adventures. Clark babysits a disappearing infant! Clark looks for a mynah bird that knows he's Superman! Well, maybe all of them aren't absolute winners. But I'm quite fond of the CK story in Superman Family #214, in which Clark is encouraged by Lana, to, in the words of Pete Townshend, "Give Blood!"


Panel from "Clark Gives Blood...Superman Saves Lives..." in Superman Family #214 (January 1982), script by Bob Rozakis, research by Laurie Rozakis, pencils by John Calnan, inks by Joe Giella, colors by Jerry Serpe, letters by Milt Snapinn

By the way: do you know the reason why Clark Kent always seems to be wearing a blue suit, white shirt, and red tie? Don't know? Didn't care? There's actually a canon reason for it: when changing to Superman, Clark would compress his civilian clothing into small cubes that would fit, along with his glasses, into a pouch underneath his cape! It's canon, kids! (Don't ask me where he put his belt or shoes.) The material that could be compressed so completely was developed by Superman in his Fortress of Solitude, but it would only take either red or blue dye! (Other colors wouldn't stick.) Supposedly this means Clark coulda worn a red suit and white tie, but even old square pre-Crisis Clark isn't that out of it!

Anyway, my point...and there's one around here someplace...is that if you know your DC Universe, you know that nothing short of an atomic bombshell can penetrate Clark's invulnerable skin. So how is he gonna be able to give blood? Needles won't pierce his skin! I suppose we could have Doomsday over in the blood clinic to beat Supes up until he bled, but that wouldn't happen for another ten years. (Consider this: it's been twice as long since Superman died until now than it was from that story to the death of Superman. My, how time flies!)

Of course Clark is going to try to weasel get out of the blood drive...once that needle snaps on his skin, it'll prove everything Lois Lane has suspected for years! (Say, how come she never just jabbed him with a pin?) He's got plenty of excuses...



Yes, folks, it's true: Clark Kent whimpers like a dog. Lana is thinking "Yeah, and that's why I didn't marry you."



Pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths means one of DC's favorite tropes...characters whose names are anagrams of something else. It's not quite the same as naming the Rainbow Raider "Roy G. Bivolo." It is similar to giving Lex Luthor's sister the false last name of "Thorul." I imagien she got a lot of questioning looks when she had to spell her name. "Thorul? Is that Polish?" It's names like that which make me look carefully at real names like Nel Yomtov in suspicion that it's a non de plume for Steve Ditko. (Which it isn't.)



What's this? Clark Kent being jabbed with a needle right through the skin?!? Inconceivable! I like that smirk in the lower right panel...Clarkie knows something but we don't yet. Me, I'm guessing it will be answered with a Flash Fact (Example: "Turtles traveling at more than the speed of sound will turn into soup. It's a Flash Fact, Wally!").



And again...a second needle in Clark's arm! It's only moderately less painful than having the self-rightous Jimmy "Mr. Action" lying on the cot next to him. I think Jimmy actually accidentally wandered into the clinic in search of his trademark green checked jacket.



Well, that solves the Mystery of Superman's Punctured Skin. Wait, no, it doesn't? So how did Clark give blood? Match wits with Ellery Queen Clark Kent and see if you can find out...howdunnit?



Let's get the obvious guesses out of the way first: that actually is Kal-El/Superman/Clark Kent lying there getting pierced with a surgical needle, not Batman with a rubber mask or a Superman Robot hastily topped full of blood or Mr. Mxyzptlk's blood-giving cousin Mr. Bldgyhm. Get it yet? All the clues you need are in the comic...and for that matter, in the panels I've posted above.

Later, Superman stops by the blood clinic, but the usual and expected reaction to poking Supes with a pointy stick occurs.



Knowing the answer depends on how well you know your DC Universe: Superman enlisted an accomplice to help him give blood...and she did it right in our full view...it's the nurse!



But who was that nurse? Why, none other than DC's favorite mistress of magic...the zelightful Zatanna! During her "I've got a bug on my head" years. Ah, that makes sense: as Superman, Clark is vulnerable to magic! But how did Zatanna disguised as a nurse slip that past everyone, including us...right in front of our eyes?

Well, remember what Zee the Nurse told Clark at the clinic?



Buried in the middle of all that...and remember that Zatanna's magic works when she speaks words backwards...is this command to Kal-El:



Magic! In plain sight! Now that's the charm of the Pre-Crisis era. What do you have to say to that, Earth-2 Superman?



Play us off, Pete Townshend! But please: don't smash our guitars.