The 1978 2017 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: New Year's Eve Endings

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published December 31, 2017.

Throughout the year we've seen the heroes of the DC Universe face off against a dastardly, devilish diaply of do-(no)-gooders determined to destroy the Dearth...I mean, Earth...with a diversity of devastating disasters! All our favorite heroes and Hal Jordan have stopped the conveniently-separated-by-months plots dead in their tracks, but who is the Mastermind of all these sinister scenarios? Could it be the Riddler? Ra's al-Ghul? Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man? It's Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man, isn't it?


"December 31" from The 1978 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters (1977), art by José Luis García-López
Batman has figgered the identity of Chief Criminal thanks to clues fed into the Justice League Crime-Solvin' Computer and Dance Dance Revolution Machine, and he quickly snaps into action and detects, as the calendar tells us: "a villain The Batman must capture while Superman tries to pull the moon back into orbit. (Oy, he's always doin' that.) None of which explains why, in the calendar's cover portraying this mind-shattering scene, Batman is ridin' on the moon harness. You are literally useless in this situation, Batman! Sheesh. Go punch somebody, Bruce.


But what of that astonishing computer result that we've been waiting for this year? All year. (Eh, must be an Amiga.) I've been filling in the blanks as instructed by each month on the calendar throughout 2017 just as some of you must have done all during 1978, and here...at last...is what we've come up with. Who is the evil supervillain genius behind the year of Super-Spectacular Disasters, huh? TA-DA!:


Or, if you clean it up a little bit and assume I missed some spots throughout the year, because it's a bit more difficult with hooves:


Hooray! You know, I knew it was gonna be Luthor, but honestly until last month I didn't have any idea how the computer display was going to portray his name. Fun, huh? Off to jail for you, Lex Luthor! You may have only killed thousands of people during your Year-Long Reign of Disasters, but I'n sure you'll be out in a couple weeks because the guards at the prison gave you a ball-point pen and a baloney sandwich. Anyway, Happy New Year, and may your 2018 be Super-Spectacular with zero disasters!

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: December Destiny

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published December 1, 2017.

Happy Holidays (because we've gotten over that War on Christmas nonsense) from one thousand years in the future! That's either 3023, 3017 or 2978, depending on whichever version of the DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Speculative Future Disasters calendar you're using. Of course, if you're talkin' a whole millennium from now, you're clearly tuning your Time Bubble in on Brane Taylor, Batman of the Year 3000 The Legion of Super-Heroes!

"December: The Legion of Super-Heroes" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Jim Sherman and Jack Abel
(Click picture to Colossal Boy-size)
Why are the Legion at Toys "Я" Us in Times Square? Well, as some quick datebox captioning tells us, they went back to Christmas 1978 to spend time with Karate Kid who was living there in his miniseries at the time, getting ready to star in a motion picture with Pat Morita...look, just read this:


Meanwhile, it's the beginning of December, so what does that parapon of programming, the Justice League Computer, have to tell us about the identity of the Mastermind of '78?


HEY THAT'S NOT FAIR oh wait, since technically the computer doesn't get done with its computing until December 31, I guess we'll have to wait until then for the solution, huh? Talk about the answer coming at the last minute, huh? Well, at least we can comfort ourself with the clue given in the grid of the calendar itself, right?


NOW CUT THAT OUT!

(See you back here on December 31, kids!)

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: November NFL

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published November 1, 2017.

"November: Wonder Woman" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by José Delbo and Vince Colletta
(Click picture to giant-pigskin-size)
Hey, what's the bright idea, calendar? All of 2017 should be Wonder Woman month, not just November. Eh, okay, we'll allow this one. Especially since there's nothing that goes better than our Amazing Amazon and the organized sport of...football?


Because if there's one thing that goes with Wonder Woman and and Thanksgiving, it's the Army/Navy game Coast City game. Wha? And traditional WW foe Quakemaster! Oh c'mon, DC, just admit you got to the end of the year and you're just throwing these together randomly, okay?


We've just changed the AAA batteries in its remote control, so roll through the month and tell us how much closer we are to identifying the Master Supervillain Criminal Overmind Evil Guy&tradel;, JLA TRS-80 computer!


While that's still ticking away and spewing punch-cards into Batman's meat loaf and gravy dinner, let's check our secondary, more overt clue, shall we?


How cow! No one would have suspected Wonder Twin Zan!

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: October Occult

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published October 1, 2017.

Welcome to October! Everybody loves October! Isn't that right, Mitch?


from "The October Game" in Shock SuspenStories (1952 series) #8 (EC, June 1953), story by Ray Bradbury, comic script by Al Feldstein, pencils and inks by Jack Kamen, colors by Marie Severin, letters by Jim Wroten
Aw, Mitch, this ain't gonna be the DC Calendar for you then this year, I guess.


Note: Want to see what makes October so bad for Mitch? Tune in again this Halloween! Hint: it's an DC story. It won't end well.

But for everyone else, here's a calendar! You know the drill: it's from 1978 but it still works in 2023!

"October: Atom and Hawkman" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Al Milgrom
(Click picture to Great Pumpkin-size)
Throughout several past Octobers in this here puppet-town cow-blog I've brought you stories of superheroism and mysticism in Rutland, Vermont, set at their annual Halloween Parade. Just search for the category "One Night in Rutland" to find others, and be aware I still have not yet finished off this feature! (What is wrong with me?)

Anyway, no Rutland Rutrospective is complete without this page from the 1977 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters, which tells the tale of the time the Atom, Hawman, and Hawkgirl fought Felix Faust, the Matter Master, and the Gentleman Ghost at the scariest party to end all parties in Vermont (unless you count that time I got into the vats at the Ben and Jerry's factory)!


They're on a collision course with wackiness! I can say this because the calendar doesn't actually tell us how many people died.


Take us up to date, Justice League computer: what's the latest calculations about the criminal genius behind all these seasonal shenanigans?


Huh, that's still baffling. Another clue, computer?


OH HEY IT'S EARLIER-PERIOD, MORE-INNOCENT DOCTOR LIGHT


Cover of Secret Origins (1986 series) #37 (February 1989); script, pencils, inks and letters by Ty Templeton

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: September Spirit of '76

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published September 1, 2017.

"September: The Freedom Fighters" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Dick Ayers and Jack Abel
(Click picture to patrio-size)
Another month, another fire-powered villain, and a twin brother: Flamesplasher I and Flamesplasher II! Nice job with the original code-names, guys, especially since the second one sprayed water. They're the super-villain team that battles themselves! And say, about those names...was the codename "Heat Wave" already taken? Yes. Yes it was. Luckily for us, the Nazi-punchin' team from Earth-X known as The Freedom Fighters made the journey all the way from defunct, bought-out Quality Comics (Hey! Where's The Spirit?) to battle this mercury-risin' villain...and his slightly-damp twin bro.


Say, JLA Sinclair ZX-81 Computer, how's those year-long calculations comin' along? Did me filling in this months squares give us any better an idea who the Ultimate Head-Guy Super-Mastermind is? I bet it's Condiment King. It's always Condiment King.


Oh hey! It's Stevie Wonder!


Barry Ween?!?

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: August Ablaze

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published August 1, 2017.

"August: Black Lightning" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters (DC, 1977); artwork by Rich Buckler and Vince Colletta
(Click picture to I'm-just-talkin'-'bout-Black-Lightning-size)

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: July Jabbing

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published July 1, 2017.

"July: Superman and Supergirl" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Curt Swan and Dan Adkins
(Click picture to Tunguska-size)
It's not Christmas, but Supes and Superita are under attack by the Red and Green Menace! And pink. Good gravy, Brainiac, you may be the smartest being in the galaxy, but who sold you that suit? Anyway, Kal 'n' Kara are battling not only one of their most dangerous nemeses but also one that belongs to Green Lantern, because hey, Hal Jordan couldn't pick up the slack? Sheesh, Hal.


The super cousins must also deal with Brainiac and Sinestro dropping meteors on Earth, obviously cosplaying the popular 1998 disaster motion picture Armageddon, starring Ben Affleck as Vril Dox and Liv Tyler as Thaal Sinestro! Ughhh, now I never want animal crackers ever again. But don't forget to buy the Armageddon Criterion Collection DVD, because...geez, I don't even know why. Just accept it all happened.

As always I've continued to fill in the blank checks as instructed to allow the JLA computer, working hard with its 5K of RAM, to compute the identity of the top supervillain behind all of 1978 2017's super-disasters. Honestly at this point, your guess is as good as mine whether it's going to draw a picture or spell out words. I think that if you kind of squint at it, it looks like Brainiac giving us the finger.


And there's yet another clue to the mastermind behind global warming general harmless environmental disaster not actually caused by mankind's carelessness in interacting with our precious and precarious natural balance:


Okay, let me step slightly outside the conceit of this post and admit: even tho' I've got a pretty good idea who the super-villain is, I absolutely didn't know what or who this clue referred to. I descended into the Great Bully Comic Book Vault (it's cool down there in the summer!) and pulled out some back issues to research, and I can now tell you the story behind this cryptic clue. However: I can't discuss it without revealing who's the nogooidnik behind these Super-Spectacular Disasters, and I don't wanna ruin the surprise for those of you playing along at home. So I'm putting the discussion of this seldom-seen (really!) brother-in-law in a completely different post where you won't come across it unless you voluntarily click this link. Who says it isn't the Bountiful Bully Age of Spoiler Warnings?

Nobody. Nobody says that.

9,300.

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: June Jetsam

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published June 1, 2017.

There's five of them, and they can't wait to go on vacation to the beach!


"Vacation" by The Go-Go's (IRS, 1982); by Kathy Valentine, Charlotte Caffey, and Jane Wiedlin!; music video directed by Mick Haggery and C.D. Taylor
But only one of them is liquid at room temperature!


No. it's not Jane, I'm sorry to report. It's the ever-lovin' paragons of the periodic table, the Metal Men! Also, there's six of them, because I keep forgetting Tina (Platinum). Did you know the element platinum is almost two times heavier than gold? Don't tell that to Tina when she's at the beach in a bikini!

"June: The Metal Men" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Walt Simonson and Joe Staton
(Click picture to Oganesson-size)
This month, everybody's goin' to the beach! Be careful, Metal Men! Don't go into the ocean less than an hour after eating...you'll rust! Also, beware of perennial Aquaman villain The Ocean Master, but mainly because Aquaman will be miffed you're stealing one of his very small number of rogues.


Once again, I've filled in all the checks through the beginning of this month to detect the supervillain behind all these superdisasters.


Who is our super-environmental-criminal-gangleader? Here's a clue: he pulled out of the Paris Accords. Another clue:


Villain from Another World? Why, that could only be perennial badguy Carl Hutchins from the soap opera Another World!


Case solved! Book 'em, Bullock!

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: May-Hem

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published May 1, 2017.

It's May! For real this time, folks! (Thus contradicting Rocky, who told me that trick never works). And while you're out dancing around the maypole I've been slaving over a hot keyboard (owie! ouch! that's hot!) to bring you the constant variety of comics...the thrill of heroes...and the agony of villains...the superhuman drama of monthly big-ass brawls... This is The DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters!

"May: Batgirl and Robin" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Dick Dillin and Frank McLaughlin
(Click picture to sequoiadendron-giganteum-size)

What's this?!? Our boistrous Boy Wonder and dominoed Dare-Doll perniciously pestered by pestilent plants powered by Poison Pivy? I mean Ivy. She's threatening beautiful downtown District of Columbia, and she has absolutely zero regard for those clowns in Congress who were voting today to cut down all the national forests to put up a really big parking lot. Also, they're voting to roll back the rights of women and children, stifle the press, raise our taxes, and give the President cushy not-so-much under the table kickbacks!

Hey wait, why are Batgirl and Robin fighting her?!? Some self-described social justice warriors they are.

To remind you of the Pre-Crisis distance in age between Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon (no relation to Gotham's famous Commissioner James Gordon*), this is the period when Dick attended the hallowed halls of Hudson University (good old H.U.! Home of the Fighting Robins!), and when Barbara was a United States Congresswoman! She represented her state which was... um... well... yeah, whatever state Gotham City was in. North Delafornia!


During the summer vacation, Dick worked as a congressional aide. WHOA HANDS OFF THE CONGRESSPERSON, GRAYSON!


Don't forget we've gotta get out our fine-line El Markos and blacken in all the squares on the JLA Satellite Computer Printout (© 1974 Wayne Industries)...


...to get ourselves a head-start on figuring out the super-secret genius behind all these disasters throughout 1978. Frankly, I'm just betting it's Outsiders foes The Masters of Disaster, which would be their cleverest trick yet, as they were not created until 1984.


Seriously, I've got to give it to the designers of this calendar: even though I have an inkling of who the answer is, I really can't tell yet from this graph and I can't even quite see where're they're going with this. Stay tuned and find out as I do!

Just in case, here's also May's entry in the Clue of the Month Club:


OH HOLY COW IT'S BRUCE WAYNE ISN'T IT?!?

* No, wait, Batgirl is a relation to Jim Gordon. I've made another one of my silly mistakes.

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: April A-Showering

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published April 1, 2017.

It's April! And it looks like Aquaman left his basement faucet on again! Or maybe that's just a April Fool's joke by his brother Waterguy (I think he's called, right?).

"April: Aquaman" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters (DC, 1977); artwork by Jim Aparo
(Click picture to deep-end-of-the-pool-size)
What you can't sea (heh heh) is that it's so deep even Aqualad has already drowned! Well, he musta forgot his inflatable water wings. Again. Hope you didn't eat less than an hour ago, Garth! And hey look, just below and to the right of the word "April": gotta be famous Detroit Tigers fan Thomas Magnum!

Also occurin' this month:


It's baseball season! (Over on Earth-Acme, Elmer goes stalking baseballs in the woods with his shotgun.) But this entire month is put on rain delay which means all fans will have to return their complimentary gifts for Aquaman Bobblehead Day! (Let's face it, his Funko Pops figure is lots better.)


Once again, I've filled in the checkmarks accounting for every computer clue we've been given this month, and the readout now looks (beep, blip) like this:


And if you need some extra red herrings, here's this month's Obvious DC Clue™ planted by The Cluemaster, the only supervillain frequently thwarted by his own daughter! He must be the laughing stock of the beer blasts in the cellar of the Legion of Doom headquarters.


Now, figgering out this clue involves all your Pre-Crisis Trivia Knowledge, and to give you a gentle shove over the Clue Cliff I'mma gonna show you the character they're referring to!