It's the feature that's too good to restrict to just the Mid-Day Matinee,
Let's Learn Stuff About Tony Stark! (Also, I had more than five installments for this thing.)
Hey, who's the most famous
roller-skater in the Marvel Universe?
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Panel from Dazzler #7 (September 1981), plot by Tom DeFalco, script by Danny Fingeroth, pencils by Frank Springer, inks by Armando Gil and Frank McLaughlin, colors by Don Warfield, letters by Janice Chiang
Well,
yes. We
all know that. Well, okay, then, who is the
second most-famous roller-skater in the yadda yadda yadda?
If you have read the title of this post I think you can guess.
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Panels from Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963), plot by Stan Lee, script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Don Heck, letters by Sam Rosen
Yes, it's The Free-Wheelin'
Tony Stark, rollin' rollin' rollin' on
transistor-powered jet skate wheels. Since this was 1963, we laugh at this primitive interpretation of electronic technology, now that we're all zooming around on our
resistor-powered jet skates. Yet
another way in which Stan Lee was
wrong about the future! (Also, that whole thing with Galactus never showing up.)
Stark's roller-skating technology was
light-years ahead of its time, however. Before he stopped making weapons for the military and turned his roller-skating blueprints over to the carhops at A&W Drive-Ins, he shared the tech with this Army General! Tony Stark: he's got a brand-new pair of roller-skates, and
you've got the brand-new key!
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Panels from Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963), plot by Stan Lee, script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Don Heck, letters by Sam Rosen
This general was busted down to corporal after the US Army purchased 30,000 pairs of skates and quickly came to realize there were no superhighways in Vietnam. Tony Stark...a genius...
like a fox! (Hey, that
does make sense!)
But as Dazzler showed us above, you can roller skate in different ways other than just upright on your feet. Tony Stark invented that move, you know...with a little beanie propeller and roller skates on his back! For fighting
The Evil Pharoah! To protect
Cleopatra! And remember, he can
fly at this point. And yet, he still does
this:
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Panels from Tales of Suspense #44 (August 1963), plot by Stan Lee, script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Don Heck, letters by Sam Rosen
Well...
that certainly happened. In fact, it was such a draw that we got to see it on the
splash page first!
So,
Tony Stark! Without his amazing technological innovations we would never have had roller-derby, the movies
ATL or
Xanadu, or this,
the most amazing scene of skating ever seen in history:
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
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Tony Stark! He's Steve Martin's best friend. Because he's the only guy who in comparison makes Steve feel
less compulsive.