365 Days of Defiance, Day 70: You can't pull the wool over this little sheep's eyes

As we saw yesterday, the Justice Society was founded to fight injustice, to right that which is wrong, and to serve all mankind! Also: they couldn't remember how to spell the word "League." (It's confusing! I keep wanting to write "Leeg!") So how is speedy founding member All-Flash (not actually his name but instead the name of his comic book) going to battle fascists within the borders of the contiguous forty-eight states? (To heck with Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam, etc.) By exceeding the laws of physics and breaking every traffic rule in the county, that's how!:



Panels from All Star Comics #4 (March-April 1941), script by Gardner F. Fox, pencils and inks by Everett E. Hibbard
Flash leads by example! I mean, not the dressing up in red and blue tights and wearing a salad bowl on your head example, but by teaching how to resist the snakes within our midst! In other words, he's rousing up the general public by teaching them about the terrors of loathsome hate literature. Also: knowing is half the battle!



Remember: to successfully and morally resist the forces of fascism in our great country, do not have the wool pulled over your eyes. (Exception: the great hero Sheep-Man.) Also, play darts with guns! No, ignore that last one. Just don't stand still twiddling your thumbs when you hear hate speech, no matter who it's coming from. (There is no exception for the "highest office" in the land, by the way.) Isn't that right, Flash?


And that's what the Flash will always believe in: truth, equality, and tolerance for all people regardless of nationality, with zero tolerance for racial slurs


OH FOR PETE'S SAKE JAY YOU WERE DOING SO WELL UNTIL THAT LAST PANEL

Fun with Comics Romance Novels: The Diana Prince Romances

365 Days of Defiance, Day 69*: The Justice Society is formed to fight the fifth column by using big-ass word balloons

Panels from All Star Comics #4 (March-April 1941), script by Gardner F. Fox, pencils and inks by Everett E. Hibbard
Tune in tomorrow to see how Flash, the Master of Going Faster, deals with the enemies of America! (Hint: he goes quicker than them.)

* Nice.**
** This footnote satisfies the requirement by international internet law that all mentions of the number sixty-nine be accompanied by the word "nice."

365 Days of Defiance, Day 68: Squirrel Girl knows the drill

Panels from The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (2015 series) #13 (December 2016), script by Ryan North, pencils and inks by Erica Henderson, colors by Rico Renzi, letters by Travis Lanham

Esquire: Man at His Swingingest.

Recently a national poll (or, juicing up some Google search terms, I dunno which it is) determined The Most Popular Superhero in Each State!


I was especially little-chuffed-bull to discover that my home state of New York picked Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man as their favorite son. I'd certainly argue that Petey is the quintessential New York superhero, and I'm proud to have him rep me in Superhero Congress. It's also a great time to re-run this classic Bully blog post from January 21, 2009 (back when I was only six) which also asserted the Web-Slinger belongs inside the Big Apple, aside from the part you literally don't want a spider inside your eatin' apple. Re-read and re-enjoy!

---

Hey, it's Clint Eastwood, the man so tough Chuck Norris calls him 'Dad,' on the cover of the January 2009 Esquire magazine. I'm allowed to read a few magazines made for grown-up folks, and Esquire is one of them, partly because of the incisive political and cultural reporting, partly for the style, cooking, automobile and fine living tips, but mostly for the incredible babes.

One of my favorite sections in Esquire is the monthly "What I've Learned" feature, where a celebrity passes on life lessons he or she thinks are important and helpful details useful for enjoying life, the people around you, and your world to its fullest. It's always fun to see what life lessons, say, Larry Hagman or Shelley Long have to pass onto a little stuffed bull. (Mostly: take care of your liver, and what was I thinking leaving network television's highest rated sitcom?!?, in that order.)

January's Esquire was therefore fifty times as fun to this little stuffed reader when I opened it to discover this is an all-"What I've Learned" feature issue. Not one, not two, not seventeen, but fifty people in entertainment, sports, politics, literature, and everyday life were spotlighted, every man and woman Jack and Jackie of 'em contributing a big-ass overflowing cornucopia of home-spun wisdom that not only do they take, they can dish out. Why fifty? Because each contributor represents a different state in the USA, so it's like a all-country road-trip with fifty great people riding shotgun. (And you can read it sitting on the toilet.) California provides cover boy Clint Eastwood, Nevada Wayne Newton, North Carolina Charlie Daniels, Indiana Larry Bird, Iowa Cloris Leachman, Alaska Sarah Palin a polar bear hopped up on fermented salmon.

Hey, let's see who's repping my favorite state, the place I live, the Empire State, the state that is so great they hired Stan Lee to write their state motto: New York. Which inspirational person will be representing New York, I wonder?:


Wha... Huh... Uh... Ummmm... Wha... Noooooooo.. No, Esquire magazine. Paris Hilton is not allowed to be the public face of lessons learned from New York. I simply will not let this happen. This will not stand! Especially with life lessons like

• Having a nightclub in your house really helps for a party, because then you don't need to go out.
• Things may seem to naturally come my way. But I work hard for them too. I have good karma.
• I put pheromones in a lot of my fragrances, and that attracts people to you. My new fragrance is called Fairy Dust. I'm dressed kind of like Tinkerbell.

No! Nein! Non! Nyet!

Okay, Bully, deep breath. If there's one thing Mama Bull taught you...a "what I've learned" of my own...is that bulls don't just sit back and lament mishaps when they can be fixed. A bull is an animal of decision and action. And tho' I may be a very little stuffed bull, I'm handy with a scanner, and the internet, and Adobe Photoshop Elements for Bulls 5.0. All I had to do was scratch my little fluff-filled head and come up with the name of a person synonymous with New York, whose very existence makes New York a better, happier, safer and funner place every single day of the year. After I came up with that person, the rest was easy as pie.

So pick up your copies of Esquire Volume 151, Number 1, tear out pages 80 and 81, crumple them in a ball and toss them out the window or at those pesky squirrels in your back yard, and replace them carefully with this new improved version of a New York celebrity telling us what he's learned that I made up for you:

(Click picture to Big Apple-size)

There we go. Much improved. Now, let's see who's on the next page. Ah, Florida, who will you...JEB BUSH?!? NOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, don't panic, folks. I've got this thing under control.

Today in Comics History, March 8, 1988: Mr. Pippin spins right round baby, right round, like a record, baby, right round round round

from the Psi-Force story "Healing Time" in Justice #23 (Marvel/New Universe, September 1988), script by Fabian Nicieza, pencils by Javier Saltares, inks by Jeff Albrecht and Mark McKenna, colors by Steve Buccellato, letters by Rick Parker

365 Days of Defiance, Day 67: Meanwhile, back in Leningrad, Captain Russia is standing in line to get a potato.

Remember when the Russians were the good guys? (Sure! We all do!) Back in World War II, things woulda gone a lot different if the Russian forces hadn't stopped Hitler's slow trudge eastward across Eurasia! Sure, we know that Colonel Klink was constantly be threatened with reassignment to the Russian Front, but how bad was it? Well: this bad.


Panels from Captain America: Living Legend #1 (December 2013); co-plot and script by Andy Diggle; co-plot, pencils, inks, and colors by Adi Granov, letters by Joe Caramagna
Who can save these Russian G.I. Ivans now? Nope, it ain't Captain Russia, pal! It's good old, fighting-for-your-rights in his red-white-and-blue tights Captain America! (You may now salute the comic book.)


And that's why the Russians invented Communism.

Today in Comics History, March 7, 1945: Ike Likes Tank Strikes

from "Mar. 7, 1945: Remagen Bridgehead" in Battlefield Action #21 (Charlton, October 1958), script by Joe Gill (?), pencils and inks by Sam Glanzman, letters by Jon D'Agostino

365 Days of Defiance, Day 66: The Beast slowwwwwwwwly challenges himself

Sometimes you're not fighting against Nazis or bad guys or injustice. Sometimes you're battling hard to preserve your own humanity! As when Hank McCoy, the Beast, turns himself into a...well, a Beast! His only salvation: some really kinky-looking bondage gear!


Panels from Amazing Adventures (1970 series) #12 (May 1972), script by Steve Englehart, pencils by Tom Sutton, inks by Mike Ploog, colors by Steve Englehart, letters by Artie Simek
Still, one rubber mask courtesy of his pal Jim Phelps over at the I.M.F., and one body-stretching harness that makes the one worn by Warren Worthington to hide his wings look like the gentle caress of a red-haired female teammate later, and...


Hank swears that he will not rest until he's turned himself back from the blue=grey fuzzy gorilla that he is into a human again! Which means it must be only two or three months that he remains in his bestial form, because the quicksilver mind of the world's most brilliant mutant who couldn't figure out how to reverse M-Day or the M-Pox of Hank McCoy won't take long at all to save himself, right?

Fourteen years later:


Panels from X-Factor (1986 series) #3 (April 1986), script by Bob Layton, pencils by Jackson Guice, inks by Joe Rubinstein, colors by Petra Scotese, letters by Joe Rosen
Then, 2 years later, he was back to being blue and furry again. A Beast just can't catch a break.

Today in Comics History, March 7, 1909: Regular railway service to Raven Peninsula abruptly ceases

from Doctor Who: The Twelfth Doctor: Year Two #3 (Titan, March 2016), script by Robbie Morrison, pencils and inks by Rachael Stott, colors by Ivan Nunes, letters by Jimmy Betancourt

365 Days of Defiance, Day 65: Snappy Answers to Nazi Questions

Panels from the Steel Sterling story "The Lost Colony" in Jackpot Comics #5 (Archie Comics/MLJ, Spring 1942), pencils and inks by Irv Novick

Today in Comics History, March 5, 1986: Crispin Glover and Lea Thompson aren't mad at Michael J. Fox, just disappointed

from Back to the Future (2015 series) #11 (IDW, August 2016), story by John Barber and Bob Gale, script by John Barber, pencils by Marcello Ferreira and Athila Fabbio, inks by Marcello Ferreira, Athila Fabbio, and Toni Doya, colors by Jose Luis Rio, letters by Shawn Lee

365 Days of Defiance, Day 64: Keep on pushing

You won't succeed in resistance every day. But determination and hope tells you...maybe today you will.




Panels from Sensation Comics Featuring Wonder Woman #33 (digital, May 2015), script by Josh Elder, pencils by Jamal Igle, inks by Juan Castro, colors by Wendy Broome, letters by Deron Bennett