TOP: Superman #14 (January-February 1942), art by Fred Ray
L: The Adventures of Superman #424 (January 1987), art by Jerry Ordway
M: The Adventures of Superman #499 (February 1993), art by Tom Grummett, Doug Hazelwood, and Glenn Whitmore
R: Action Comics #727 (November 1996), art by Tom Grummett, Denis Rodier, Patrick Martin
(Thanks to Anonymous in the comments for pointing out what I shoulda realized: the three covers below are homages to Superman #14!
(Click picture to edifi-size)
Okay, you 'n' I know it's a Friday night in the year 2007, but for just a moment, just a teensy moment, cast your mind back to Thursday nights during the 1980s. Turn on your television, flip to CBS, and watch the greatest freakin' private detective show of all time:
I've written before about the Magnum, P.I. comic annuals I picked up in the UK a while back—apparently these comics never saw print in the US, which is a pity, because there was for a while a whole stack of Magnum, P.I. merchandise: toys, games, books, trading cards, t-shirts, hats, and even the Magnum TV tray—I had one of these and ate my dinner glued to the set watching the Hawaiian adventures of Thomas, Higgins, T.C. and Rick every Thursday night.
Let's get out the TV tray one more time as Magnum fights on Friday night for once. Because if you gotta say one thing about Mister Thomas Sullivan Magnum, it's that he's not only a lover, he's also a fighter:
As our story opens, Magnum's obviously been dating Phoebe Buffay's British sister, who thanks him for the "holiday" as she steps onto her 108-hour flight home:
...until the title of the comic book crashes into the side of the plane and blows it up. Oh, no, wait, it's the work of a saboteur:
The bad guy tries to escape Magnum (I know, I know, what an idiot...didn't he see whose name was the title of the show the opening credits?) by ducking into an airport men's room. Oh yes, because those are good places to give a pursuer that's two feet behind you the slip:
Magnum apparently objects to the bomber's Vitalis-slicked hair (greasy kid stuff!) and attempts to give him a shampoo:
Then there's a whole buncha sleuthing and detective work that doesn't involve fighting, so let's skip over to...
And Magnum swings into action, baby!
Of course, it all ends up on one of O'ahu's tallest skyscrapers (five stories tall!), where Magnum once again wrestles with the bomber in the act four showdown. Mama Bull always told me not to go near the edge of rooftops, and I think this is prob'bly why:
So, happy endings all around. Oh, except for Magnum's girlfriend. Sorry, big guy. He returns to moodily sulk at the airport where three days later the wreckage of the plane is still burning:
So there ya go. Proof positive that in any medium, you don't wanna be at the receiving end of one of Magnum's hairy-knuckled punches. Giggle at his eighties 'stache if you want, but remember: he's had more women than you have hot dinners. You can't argue with those stats.
About all that's missing from this comic story is a classic Magnum car chase accompanied by gunplay. So here's one right here:
Go get 'em, Magnum.
Bahlactus is the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks.
It's almost Christmas, so you know what that means! No, not chestnuts roasting on an open fire, nor Jack Frost nipping at your nose...it means it's time for the annual office holiday party, where you get to hang around after work with the people you spend eight hours a day already. Remember, however, just because it's a party, it's still work, so dress well, behave sensibly, and for heaven's sake, don't try smooching all the women in the copy room just because you've had a couple drinks. Still, it could be worse: you could be at this office party:
Even more dangerous than the office Christmas party is the office Christmas party gift exchange. Every year millions of workers engage in trading off fruitcakes and Starbucks gift cards to people because they simply don't know enough about the recipient's home life to get them a proper gift. And especially pity the guy who draws his boss's name out of the Secret Santa hat. Sure, you could just go with the usual Hickory Farms Cheese Log and Summer Sausage gift pack, but why risk ticking off your boss by getting him a gift he doesn't really want? For instance, is it really the greatest idea to give your boss a copy of Carrie Fisher's novel Postcards from the Edge? Probably not! Don't let this happen to you:
Tsk, tsk, tsk. A simple beginner's gift-giving mistake that leads to irreparable career-track setback. If you happen to draw your boss's name for Secret Santa, don't get all choked up: simply have your droid log onto the galactic interstellarnet and check out what he really wants for Christmas Life Day on Darth Vader's Amazon.com Wishlist!:
Psycho-Kinesis: Moving Matter with the Mind (book)
Black Mask starring Jet Li (DVD)
Acme Burn Cream Ointment
Remembering Mother, Finding Myself: A Journey of Love and Self-Acceptance (book)
Foil, Saber, and Epee Fencing: Skills, Safety, Operations, and Responsibilities (book)
The Dark Side: An Erotic Thriller (DVD)
It's Just a Matter of Balance: A Very Personal Story of Amputee Rehabilitation
Behind the Mask by Fleetwood Mac (CD)
Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (book)
Saber Light 60 LED Cordless Rechargeable LED Worklight
Having Twins: A Parent's Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Early Childhood (book)
Reclaiming Higher Ground (book)
Black Like Me (book)
Novus Plastic Polish
Functional and Aesthetic Reconstruction of Burned Patients (book)
The Essential Guide to Volcano Survival (CD-ROM)
The Anger Control Workbook
The Force Program: The Proven Way to Fight Cancer (book)
Dr. Lee's Bronchitis/Asthma Formula
James Earl Jones: An Autobiography (book)
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