The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: August Ablaze

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published August 1, 2017.

"August: Black Lightning" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters (DC, 1977); artwork by Rich Buckler and Vince Colletta
(Click picture to I'm-just-talkin'-'bout-Black-Lightning-size)

The 1978 2017 2023 DC Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters: June Jetsam

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published June 1, 2017.

There's five of them, and they can't wait to go on vacation to the beach!


"Vacation" by The Go-Go's (IRS, 1982); by Kathy Valentine, Charlotte Caffey, and Jane Wiedlin!; music video directed by Mick Haggery and C.D. Taylor
But only one of them is liquid at room temperature!


No. it's not Jane, I'm sorry to report. It's the ever-lovin' paragons of the periodic table, the Metal Men! Also, there's six of them, because I keep forgetting Tina (Platinum). Did you know the element platinum is almost two times heavier than gold? Don't tell that to Tina when she's at the beach in a bikini!

"June: The Metal Men" in The 1978 Calendar of Super-Spectacular Disasters; artwork by Walt Simonson and Joe Staton
(Click picture to Oganesson-size)
This month, everybody's goin' to the beach! Be careful, Metal Men! Don't go into the ocean less than an hour after eating...you'll rust! Also, beware of perennial Aquaman villain The Ocean Master, but mainly because Aquaman will be miffed you're stealing one of his very small number of rogues.


Once again, I've filled in all the checks through the beginning of this month to detect the supervillain behind all these superdisasters.


Who is our super-environmental-criminal-gangleader? Here's a clue: he pulled out of the Paris Accords. Another clue:


Villain from Another World? Why, that could only be perennial badguy Carl Hutchins from the soap opera Another World!


Case solved! Book 'em, Bullock!

Today in Comics History, May 20: Happy Birthday, Jane Wiedlin!

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published May 20, 2012.

Born on this day: Singer/songwriter/subject of my affection Jane Wiedlin! Hi Jane!

365 Days of Defiance, Day 359: Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

A very Merry Christmas to you all, and here's your Christmas present: an ultimately successful act of defiance, even tho' it took thirty-five issues (and however many of those "Five Years Later" preceded the series) to evolve from an underground rebellion to all-out war. Let's check in on the defeat and surrender of the Dominator forces occupying and, well, dominating Earth in the year 2525 2997. Let's check in and see what the MSMoTTC (Mainsteam Media of the Thirtieth Century) has to say about that. And in a moment, a shocking rebuttal from Don-Al 71-Bot, who is clearly on the side of megas. That's "Make Earth Great Again*" *by selling it out to the creepy yellow aliens with big pointy teeth).


Panels from Legion of Super-Heroes (1989 "Five Year Later" series) #35 (Early November 1992); script by Keith Giffen, Tom Bierbaum, anf Mary Bierbaum; breakdowns by Keith Giffen; pencils by Jason Pearson; inks by Karl Story; colors by Tom McCraw; letters by John Workman
Slowly but surely Rokk Krinn and Reep Daggle have been re-forming the Legion of Super-Heroes, and against a resurrected Legion the Dominators can't stand for long. Heck, one or two of 'em ought to do a lot of the heavy lifting. We may not have Superboy in this continuity, but we've got the next best thing: Mon-El Valor Lar Gand, last son of Daxam! He'll get the lead out!


Luckily for Earth, they've got not one but two Legions fighting for their rights in spandex tights: the slightly older and wiser original, and the shiny classic Batch SW-6 clones — look, it's a long story, just go with it. The Legion is here, and they're bringing civil disobedience and giant shoulder pads back! (I just dig those middle panels, don't you?) Here's the Young Colossal Boy and Kid Ultra Boy to the rescue!


At last, the futuristic tide is turned, and the Dominator forces surrender under fire. This war and the occupation before it has taken a huge toll of lives (see center panel), but it's happened. Defiance, rebellion, revolt and revolution have won the battle. War is over, if you want it.


Imagine a joy and relief so huge that you shout and dance and cry and gasp. We've felt the pressure over three years of Legion stories bringing us back from a dismal future. We lost many (R.I.P., Blok, Dirk Morgna, and young Princess Projectra, Karate Kid, and Chameleon Boy) and we mourn them, but now is the time for celebration. (Let's not talk about what happens four months from now, okay?)


Now. I'd planned this sequence to be my Christmas post since earlier in the year, because I figured that by December, things would maybe not be much better than they were in early 2017, and we might be in need of some inspiration. The post was originally going to end with the panel above: the exuberance of successful defiance. But pal Matthew Elmslie (thanks again so much!), who runs the I'm-gonna-recommend-it-yet-again blog Legion Abstract, a celebration of all things Legionny, suggested this sequence with the addition of one more page (below) that puts the whole Earth/Dominator War in perspective, focuses upon our reasons for hope, and why, at least in the comics, the good guys win. May it be so in our world, too. Keep defying.


As always, there's a Jane Wiedlin song to express it all.

"Euphoria" by Jane Wiedlin (EMI-Manhattan, 1990), written by Jane Wiedlin and Paul Gordon
We want a better life
We won't get caught between
A world that suffers
And a world we dream of
You cannot quiet us
We just keep getting stronger
And all the walls you build
Won't hold much longer

So don't stop dancing in the fire
Our voices lifting higher

Merry Christmas, everyone.

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 31: Jane, stop this crazy thing...called love

Well, this here's now the unexpectedly final day of A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, so what better or more obvious way for me to wrap up the feature (for now) than with the Best Celebrity I Ever Met: Ms. Jane Wiedlin!


There's been plenty of celebrities playing themselves in comic books, from Pat Boone and Bob Hope to Chuck Norris and Mr. T. (Not to mention Adam West and Stan Lee!!) But the one celebrity-as-comic-star book I lined up overnight at the comic book shop for is the delightful Jane, who had a very short-lived series from Image in the early 2010s. (Then again, which of us can say we didn't have an Image series at one point or another? Sit down, Ballistic!


covers of Jane Wiedlin's Lady Robotika #1-2 (Image, July-August 2010), pencils and inks by Bill Morrison, colors by Rachelle Rosenberg
I've covered Jane Wiedlin in comics previously but I only hinted at the sheer insanity that is Jane Wiedlin's Lady Robotika, which is kinda a sci-fi/cyberpunk/bondage/rock musical comic book co-written by Jane and Bill Morrison from Bongo Comics. Jane plays a perky punky rock grrrl (so, not really flexing her comic book dramatic chops here).


Out in the crowd she spots a mysterious handsome sexy stranger who immediately captures her attention and affection. Note: the following two panels might have been very slightly edited for content.


Yes Jane, lay off the greyhounds!

Later, Jane is mysteriously abducted by aliens! With a special guest appearance by Homer Simpson! BONGO COMICS CROSSOVER!


PAGE O' EXPOSITION:


Turns out the aliens are really big Jane Wiedlin fans (that is. totally believable) after having followed Earth pop culture for years and adapting their own culture after it and hey wait a minute this is the plot of Galaxy Quest and they've kidnapped Jane to perform a big concert on their far-away world in a completely different solar system many light-years away. Even so, Ticketmaster is charging a $20 concession fee.


But suppose Jane doesn't agree to doing the concert?


Oh, okay. That makes sense. As does Jane waking up on the journey to find she's grown a cybernetic arm! Who among us can say that's never happened to us? Sit down, Ballistic.


In issue #2, Jane and that other guy who's not me arrives on the alien's planet, which is a cross between The Jetsons and Itchy and Scratchy World. Everybody remember: we're parked in the Belinda Carlisle lot!


What's the terrible frightening Scary Door/Twilight Zone twist to this seemingly perfect paradise? Turns out they're man slaves! Man, I can just see Jane Wiedlin leading a planetwide rebellion!


Hey look Jane's cyber-arm is a weapon and wait why is there a dinosaur dressed as Elvis maybe you shouldn't have laid off the greyhounds this week Jane.


Then Jane's tossed into intergalactic jail. It's the same type of jail that we first see Jyn Erso in at the beginning of Rogue One. Coincidence? I think not.


What happens next, Jane Wiedlin? Wellllll...we shall never know, because the series ended with #2. Personally, I was hoping for a big musical number and then a rebellion featuring laser guitars and a guest appearance by the rest of the Go-Go's around ish 12, but that'll never happen now. Along with Sonic Disruptors, AllStar Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, and Kyle Baker's The Shadow, it's one of the lost storylines that shall never be completed, except in my head when Bull-Or, the mighty stuffed bull, swings by the planet to team up with Jane and together they ride off into the starset. Ah well.

Play us off, Jane Wiedlin as Lady Robotika!


"Ray Gun" by Jane Wiedlin from the Lady Robotika comic soundtrack (2008)
Wait, is that red cup full of greyhound?

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 7: Not Actually the Go-Go's

Josie in "Group Gripe" from Archie at Riverdale High #91 (May 1983), writer and artist unknown (Dan DeCarlo art?)
And now, a special bonus: Not Actually Absolutely The Go-Go's!:


Josie in "Limelight Lament" from Archie (1959 series) #329 (May 1984), writer and artist unknown
What do the Go-Go's got that the Pussycats do not?

THEY HAVE BULLY THE LITTLE STUFFED BULL.

Today in Comics History, May 20: Happy Birthday, Jane Wiedlin!

"Rush Hour" by Jane Wiedlin (EMI-Manhattan, 1988), written by Jane Wiedlin and Peter Rafelson


"Blue Kiss" by Jane Wiedlin (I.R.S. Records, 1985), written by Jane Wiedlin and Randell Kirsch


"World on Fire" by Jane Wiedlin (EMI-Manhattan, 1990), written by Jane Wiedlin, Scott Cutler, Terry Hall, and Valerie Block


"Cool Places" by Sparks feat. Jane Wiedlin (Atlantic, 1983), written by Ron Mael and Russell Mael


"Inside a Dream" by Jane Wiedlin (EMI-Manhattan, 1988), written by Jane Wiedlin and Gardner Cole


"Vacation" by The Go-Go's (I.R.S., 1982), written by Charlotte Caffey, Kathy Valentine, and Jane Wiedlin


Jane Wiedlin as Trillya in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (Paramount, I.R.S., 1982), directed by Leonard Nimoy

"Euphoria" by Jane Wiedlin (EMI-Manhattan, 1990), written by Jane Wiedlin and Paul Gordon

Saturday Morning Cartoon: Big Rock Candy Mountain

Hobo's Holiday (1963), directed by Seymour Kneitel (featuring the song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" written by Harry 'Haywire' McClintock)


The Big Rock Candy Mountains (2006), written and directed by Ian Kenny


"Big Rock Candy Mountain" sung by its writer, Harry McClintock (1928)


"Big Rocky Candy Mountain" sung by Tom Waits from the movie 1989 Ironweed


theme song from The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack (2008), lyrics by Thurop Van Orman, music by Dan Cantrell


A different song by the same name: "Big Rock Candy Mountain" by my pal, Jane Wiedlin

Have a Very Jane Wiedlin Christmas

"froSTy the Snowman" by froSTed (c. 1998), written by Walter Rollins and Steve Nelson

A week without you, thought I'd forget

Summer's almost over, so I'm off for a week with my pal Jane to water ski. (Also, apparently, to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and we're all out of bubbl...oh wait, here's some more.)


"Bubblegum" from How It's Made, episode 208 (Discovery Channel, November 2, 2002
I'll be back the weekend of the 12th with fun, frolic, and a sunburn so bad you'd swear you could smell hamburgers cooking from way over there. However, never fear, content-cravers: 365 Days of Ben Grimm continues all week long with daily doses of your favorite orange rocky guy. Be good to yourself and others, and see ya in a week!


"Vacation" by The Go-Go's (I.R.S., 1982), written by Charlotte Caffey, Kathy Valentine, and Jane Wiedlin

Jane’s Recognition Guide to Inconspicuous Nazi Weaponry of the Fourth Reich

Hi, everybody! It's me, Jane Wiedlin, pixiesque pop star, all-in-good-fun fetish model, cartoon voice actor, alien Starfleet communications officer, comic book creator (it's coming, I promise, one of these days!) and most important, friend of Bully, the little stuffed bull who's fun to hug and cuddle! That's why I was happy to step in and guest-write a post on his popular blog when he called me on his speed-dial and squeaked "Help, Miss Jane!" For that little fluffy guy, I'd do anything.

You've seen some of the very fashionable and flair-filled hats I wear up there in the paragraph above. But what you may not know about me is my intense and incisive interest and expertise in military history, most specifically the military history of Earth-616! When I'm not on tour or hanging out on a jet runway with my best friends, I like to relax with the latest Marvel comic book or a classic graphic novel (from your local comic book shop, of course! I, Jane Wiedlin, am not only anti-fur, I'm also vehemently anti-Scans_Daily!). On my free time I enjoy cataloguing and writing detailed histories of the high-grade military weaponry of Marvel-Earth, the Jane's Recognition Guides, which you may have seen in your local bookstore or displayed at a sales booth at one of the many comic book conventions I enjoy attending every year.

Tonight Bully thought you might enjoy taking an advance peek at my upcoming newest book in the series:



Jane's Recognition Guide to Inconspicuous Nazi Weaponry of the Fourth Reich features all the most subtle and secret stealth technology of mad Nazi scientists in their quest to resurrect their evil rule on Earth (616)! Wanna peek along with me at some of the great examples? Sure you do!


First up: You can sure tell that Thoom the Big Evil Nazi Robot is a baddie, can't you? Well, for one, the big swastika on the chest, but don't miss the giant metal claws of fire-belching or the super-aerating cleats on his big metal boots. He's evil! Still, you can't help but adore those simply delightful little booties, can you?

All panels are from Tales of Suspense #72-74 (December 1965-February 1966), script by Stan Lee, layouts by Jack Kirby, finishes and inks by George Tuska, letters by Sam Rosen and Artie Simek


This super-science Nazi robot has been programmed with over one thousand intricate battle moves, plus he can also do the Hokey Pokey!



Sadly, the giant stompy robot cannot accurately catch a Frisbee. Another triumph for the secret Wham-O scientists working for S.H.I.E.L.D.!*





Another infamous Nazi war machine you'll encounter in these pages is the sinister and death-dealing Giant Flying Manta Ray! How can you know this usually-peaceful denizen of the deep is evil? Well, duh, check it out...swastika decals again. (And those things are really hard to get on without ripping them.) Also, every Manta Ray also includes an exact scale model of the University of Alabama's Bryant-Denny Stadium, the Pride of the Crimson Tide! I'm guessing those Nazi big-brains at ConHitlerCo are a little obsessed with electric football. That game never worked...the little guys always just wandered around at random while the whole thing buzzed. That is evil!



What's more, the Giant Manta Ray and the Big Nazi Robot are specially built to connect together using the science of Mega Bloks, the evil bastard cousin of Lego! Also, apparently, magnetism, because, as Diet Smith has told me more than once, the nation that controls magnetism controls the universe! Then, he soared off in his flying garbage can. Half the time I have no idea what that guy is on about.



You think they were evil before? Ha! That's like Charlotte Caffey thinking that she's the youngest one of the Go-Go's! No, together, they're twice as powerful, like some evil issue of Marvel Two-in-One starring, I dunno, Doctor Doom and Typeface! That's pretty evil, even by Nazi scientist standards.



Special S.H.I.E.L.D. pencillers are immediately summoned to draw detailed blueprints of the Nazi war machines:



As if that's not thrilling enough, Jane's Recognition Guide to Inconspicuous Nazi Weaponry of the Fourth Reich will also feature the monstrous, Geneva-Convention-shattering debut of...the Giant Flying Metal Skull of 1960s Character Actor Walter Matthau!



For a triple threat, these three titanic terrors of the Teutonic throngs combine, not unlike Voltron, to form one giant and incredibly inconspicuous Nazi war machine! One that looks like a massively-shoulder-padded macro-encephalitic dwarf, but a war machine nevertheless!



Still, like all the machinery of mayhem you'll find in Jane's Recognition Guide to Inconspicuous Nazi Weaponry of the Fourth Reich—the Fuhrer's Flying Fortress of Fear, Das Dethbüs, the Bombastic Biergarten and the Himmlernberg—this particular Nazi no-good-nik has an Achilles heel that you'll learn how to exploit, right in the pages of my book!



Simply apply one (1) Captain Lemonhead supplied with blowtorch!



It's shoddy craftnaziship like that which ensures Hitler, his successors, his evil clone or his army of undead Nazi vampire werewolf women will never succeed in their war against humanity, except in the literature of Harry Turtledove.



So this is Jane Wiedlin saying goodnight America and all the ships at sea, and rush out to your nearest bookstore (if it's a Borders, you better really rush) and buy Jane's Recognition Guide to Inconspicuous Nazi Weaponry of the Fourth Reich! Also, buy bonds where you work or bank!

*Sometimes Huge Industrial Enemies Leave Divots.

San Diego Comic-Con Extra: It's such a rush just being with you

Something's coming over me
I'm so dizzy I can't see
Can't make out the forest for the trees

My heart is beating faster now
As the traffic's slowing down
And suddenly I'm all alone with you
—Jane Wiedlin

Off to the Con!

Some call it nirvana. Others call it Nerd Prom. I call it a lot of hard work and a lot of fun. Also, a great place to meet friends, creators, buy cool stuff, go to nifty panels, eat great Mexican food, spend a lotta money, and dress up like your favorite fictional character. Like Christmas, it only happens once a year, but with lots more Stormtroopers: San Diego Comic-Con International 2008!



I've packed my bags and I'm ready to go...I'm leaving on a jet plane for San Diego, the city so nice they named it San Diego (meaning: "cauldron full of fanboys"), for this year's exhilarating and exhausting San Diego Comic-Con. As usual, I'll be reporting from the floor in this very blog, so keep your browsers and your eyes open to experience all of my wacky west-coast adventures: checking off new purchases on my collectible toy want list...



...getting some fabulous back issues...



Or, maybe just buying that one special comic...



...and of course, stormtroopers, stormtroopers, stormtroopers everywhere!



And of course



So, if you're going to be at the show, why not drop by and shake my hoof? I'd be deelighted to meet you! I'm going to be based much of the show in the W. W. Norton booth, booth number 1714, adjacent to our good pals at Fantagraphics and once again across the way from the pleasant Mr. Jim Balent and his frighteningly pneumatic heroines. C'mon by and see and buy (at discounted Con prices!) our fine graphic novels, movie tie-in books, and street art surveys, plus a few surprises! If you don't see me hopping about on the tables replenishing books and pointing you to the fine new editions of Will Eisner, don't panic! Just go up to the big guy in the Hawaiian shirt (that'll be John), grab him by his lapels and say "I want to meet Bully!" If he's not there, the delightful Miss Jenn will be around and will be glad to tell you when we'll be back in the booth.

If you're not going to go, well, I salute your fortitude and self-control in staying home and relaxing instead of trying to hustle through the packed crowds. It can be overwhelming. But if you are gonna be there, see you there!