Today in Comics History, July 26: Happy birthday, Sandra Bullock!

Born on this day: actor Sandra Bullock, who has a pretty cool last name as far as I'm concerned. You may remember her from such films as Demolition Man, Speed, Hope Floats, Miss Congeniality, The Net, Gravity and others, but you may not remember her from M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense, because she wasn't in that.

Let's take a look at Sandra Bullock in comic books, shall we?


from "You Ought to be in Pictures" in Archie's Spring Break #5 (Archie, 2000), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Jim Amash, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Aw man, that's not Sandra Bullock, that's just anotgher one of Archie's Generic Celebrities.

Oh well. Until I can leaf through these other comics and find an actual appearance by her, let's check in on this thinly-disguised version of Sandra Bullock.

Today in Comics History, April 28: Happy birthday, Ann-Margret!

Born on this day: actress/model/singer/dancer and all-around bombshell Ann-Margret (State Fair, Bye Bye Birdie, Viva Las Vegas, Kitten with a Whip, Stagecoach, Grumpy Old Men, The Flintstones, and many more)!

Ann-Margret is more definitely interesting to see than Bob Hope! (Note: I've done some minor editing to this panel to correct a misspelling on Ann-Margret's name. Shame on you, Marvel Comics!)


from The 'Nam #35 (Marvel, October 1989), script by Doug Murray, pencils by Wayne Vansant, inks by Geof Isherwood, colors and letters by Phil Felix

Today in Comics History, July 3: Happy birthday, Tom Cruise!

Born on this date: actor and producer Tom Cruise, seen here in the only comics portrayal that wasn't sued by his crazy-ass cult "church!"


house ad for ALF from Marvel Comics cover-dated April 1988

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 183: Archie's Generic Celebrities in a Galaxy Far, Far Away

I'm still pretty busy picking up all the confetti and streamers from my birthday party yesterday, so in order to catch up, here's a guest submission for 365 Days of Star Wars Comics, sent in by my good pal Mister Mike Sterling. Thanks, Mike! He's sent me a cover that I can only describe as another entry in the long list of Archie's Generic Celebrities: Not Actually Threepio and Artoo!


Cover of Mad House #111 (February 1978), artist uncredited
Thanks again, Mike! A slice of day-old birthday cake is being emailed to you now as we speak! Also: HAPPY MIKE'S GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY! Bullincidentally.

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 30: Not Actually Veronica Lodge

Hey, we're at the end of Archie's Generic Celebrities Month! What do you think about that, Reggie Mantle?


Panel from "Teen Paparazzi" in Archie & Friends #116 (April 2008), script by George Gladir, pencils by Fernando Ruiz, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Jon D'Agostino
Actually, Reggie, no, because to qualify as a Generic Celebrity in Riverdale, you have to have a soundalike name to the original. For example, what happens to Veronica Lodge when her name is misspelled on her driver's license!:


Panels from "A Fishy License" in Betty and Veronica (1987 Series) #106 (December 1996), script by Hal Smith, pencils and inks by Dan DeCarlo, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
So pretty much the rest of the story is taken up with the wacky hijinks of Betty chauffeuring Veronica around town and then Ronnie takes her driver's license test again and gets a new license and then here we go:


There you go, folks: Archie's Generic Celebrities Month. i hope you has as good a time as we did with Jangelina Olie, Wuce Brillis, and Cenedibt Bumbercatch. And what about you, Cheryl Blossom?

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 29: Not Actually Pussy Riot

Panels from the Josie and the Pussycats story "Music for the Masses, Part 2, Chapter 4" (whew!) in Betty and Veronica Comics Digest Magazine #177 (October 2007), no credits given, but here's my guesses: script by Dan Parent, pencils by Rex W. Lindsey, inks by Rich Koslowski, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 28: Not Actually the Smashing Pumpkins

Panel from "Faith, Hope, and Cheryl!" in Cheryl Blossom Special #2 (1995), script and pencils by Bill Golliher, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 27: Not Actually Martha Stewart

It's Thanksgiving! And what better obsessive-compulsive holiday could there be to roll out the Archie's Generic Version of übercraftsperson Martha Stewart! I bet this one's been to prison, too. Say, remember the last time a Martha expy appeared in this feature? Why, sure you do, all the way back on November 17!:


Panels from "Cheryl in the Morning" in Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #5 (September 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Well, she's back! Sorta.


Panels from the Cheryl Blossom story "How Crafty!" in B&V Friends Double Digest Magazine #223 (May 2012), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
I'm not certain who I'd vote for in a showdown between Martha Stewart and Cheryl Blossom OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT'S CHERYL ALL THE WAY


Hah! It's funny because we loathe her!

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 26: Not Actually the Real Sonic the Hedgehog, Even Though Archie Comics Could Totally Guest-Star Him If They Wanted To

Panels from "Pet Department" in Betty & Veronica Double Digest #216 (November 2013), script by George Gladir, pencils by Jeff Schultz, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

HARRY HEDGEHOG

PLEDGES THAT

HE WILL KILL YOU

Credit where credit is due dept: That series of increasingly-zoomed panels at the bottom is inspired by and dedicated to American Favorite Comics Blogger Since 1969, Mike Sterling, who calls it the "freak out". Catch him talking about that very technique over at Progressive Ruin today!

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 25: Not Actually the Incredible Hulk

Dilton Doiley: student; scientist; nerd: searching for a way to tap into the acceptance of his teenage peers. Then: an accidental overdose of grape radiation alters his body chemistry! Now when Dilton Doiley grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs! The creature is driven by rage and wanted for a pantsing he didn't commit. Dilton Doiley is believed to be a nerd, and he must let the world think that he is a nerd, until he can find a way to control the Incredible Bulk that dwells within him!



Panels from "Return of the Bulk!" in Archie & Friends #63 (January 2003), script by Mike Pellowski (?), pencils and inks by Rex Lindsey (?)
Of course, by the time Hollywood got hold of the Incredible Bulk story, they just had to meddle with it and change a few things about the character, which just enraged the fanboy populace.


Panel from "Body Image" in Betty and Veronica Double Digest #204 (October 2012), script by George Gladir, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Henry Scarpelli, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 24: Not Actually Archie

Panels from "The Big Mystery!" in Archie and Friends Double Digest #26 (May 2013), script by George Gladir, pencils by Henry Scarpelli, inks by Jon D'Agostino

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 23: Not Actually Any of These Companies Which Probably Have Pretty Good Copyright Lawyers

Panel from "Spellbound" in World of Archie Double Digest #36 (March 2014), script by George Gladir, pencils by Tim Kennedy, inks by Ken Selig, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "Mystery of the Ages" in B&V Friends Double Digest #229 (November 2012), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Archie Sunday comic (original date unknown), reprinted in Betty and Veronica Double Digest #201 (July 2012), script by Craig Boldman, pencils and inks by Henry Scarpelli





Panel from "My Dad...the Supermodel!" in Betty & Veronica Double Digest #204 (October 2012), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jim Amash, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from a Betty and Veronica story that I forgot to label my scans with the name





Panel from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panels from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "The Great All-American Pembrooke-Riverdale Food Eating Contest! Munchie Mania! Part 1" in Archie at Riverdale High #97 (June 1984), script by Rich Margopoulos, pencils by Stan Goldberg





Panel from the Josie and the Pussycats story "A Singular Idea" in Tales from Riverdale Digest #26 (March 2008), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Rex Lindsey, inks by Rich Koslowski, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

So remember, shop at all these famous generic Riverdale businesses! Don't forget to bring your MustardCard or your American Excess!