Today in Comics History, March 6, 1836, The Alamo: Oh yeah? Remember this, pal!

Today in comics (and real) history: after a 13-day siege from Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, the crossroads town of San Antonio de Bexar finally fell to the Mexican army, along with the Alamo. 189 Texan defenders were killed, including Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie. Thus this day went down in history as a rallying reminder that we must "Remember the Alamo."

Thankfully, comic books won't let us forget. Today, all day, I'm gonna post exceprts from comic books that...ahem...remember the event. You have been warned: there are a lot of 'em. First up:


from "Veronica in Texas" in Veronica (1989 series) #17 (Archie, October 1991), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Hy Eisman, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Just so's you know: most of the Alamo comics I post after this one will not feature Cheryl Blossom.

Today in Comics History, September 9: Happy birthday, Colonel Sanders!

Born on September 9, 1890: Colonel Harland Sanders, chicken magnate. That's magnate, nor magnet, because I don't know how you could have a magnet for chickens.


from Cracked #188 (August 1982), script and art by John Langton

Today in Comics History, August 18: Happy birthday, Robert Redford!

Born on this day: actor, director, and whatta dreamboat Robert Redford! He was on the cover of a Marvel comic book issue #1!


from ALF #1 (Marvel, March 1988), photograph plus pencils by Dave Manak, inks by Marie Severin
But it's true: the real Bob hasn't appeared in many comic books, but here's a genuine modeling job that paid off big for him in the comics world!


cover of Young Love (1949 series) v. 4 #1 [#31] (Prize, March 1952), photographer uncredited and unknown

Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 3: Cheryl Blossom is literally full of hot air

from "Don't Rain on My Parade!" in Cheryl Blossom Special #4 (Archie, 1996), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, lettes by Mindy Eisman

Today in Comics History, June 8: Defective glowing computer irradiates Cheryl Blossom, turns her into rage-filled red She-Hulk

from "He-Mail" in Cheryl Blossom #24 (Archie, August 1999), script and pencils by Holly Golightly, inks by John Costanza, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 28: Not Actually the Smashing Pumpkins

Panel from "Faith, Hope, and Cheryl!" in Cheryl Blossom Special #2 (1995), script and pencils by Bill Golliher, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 27: Not Actually Martha Stewart

It's Thanksgiving! And what better obsessive-compulsive holiday could there be to roll out the Archie's Generic Version of übercraftsperson Martha Stewart! I bet this one's been to prison, too. Say, remember the last time a Martha expy appeared in this feature? Why, sure you do, all the way back on November 17!:


Panels from "Cheryl in the Morning" in Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #5 (September 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Well, she's back! Sorta.


Panels from the Cheryl Blossom story "How Crafty!" in B&V Friends Double Digest Magazine #223 (May 2012), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
I'm not certain who I'd vote for in a showdown between Martha Stewart and Cheryl Blossom OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT'S CHERYL ALL THE WAY


Hah! It's funny because we loathe her!

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 23: Not Actually Any of These Companies Which Probably Have Pretty Good Copyright Lawyers

Panel from "Spellbound" in World of Archie Double Digest #36 (March 2014), script by George Gladir, pencils by Tim Kennedy, inks by Ken Selig, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "Mystery of the Ages" in B&V Friends Double Digest #229 (November 2012), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Archie Sunday comic (original date unknown), reprinted in Betty and Veronica Double Digest #201 (July 2012), script by Craig Boldman, pencils and inks by Henry Scarpelli





Panel from "My Dad...the Supermodel!" in Betty & Veronica Double Digest #204 (October 2012), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jim Amash, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from a Betty and Veronica story that I forgot to label my scans with the name





Panel from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panels from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "The Great All-American Pembrooke-Riverdale Food Eating Contest! Munchie Mania! Part 1" in Archie at Riverdale High #97 (June 1984), script by Rich Margopoulos, pencils by Stan Goldberg





Panel from the Josie and the Pussycats story "A Singular Idea" in Tales from Riverdale Digest #26 (March 2008), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Rex Lindsey, inks by Rich Koslowski, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

So remember, shop at all these famous generic Riverdale businesses! Don't forget to bring your MustardCard or your American Excess!

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 19: Not Actually Claudia Schiffer or David Copperfield

Panel from Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #4 (August 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 17: Not Actually Regis and Kathie Lee

If there's one person I think we can agree has the potential to be more grating that Cheryl Blossom, it's former TV cohost Kathie Lee Gifford! So, here's a generic version of her.


Panels from "Cheryl in the Morning" in Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #5 (September 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Oh, and Earth-Archie's version of Kathie Lee also has a sordid business secret As Veronica Lodge might say, especially in that issue in which she went to Paris: "Quelle surprise!"


I bet the real-life Regis would have given up all his Who Wants to be a Millionaire royalties to be able to dump Kathie Lee on the air. Instead, Regis, enjoy and savor this generic equivalent!


I think you, as a student and scholar of Archie Comics cause and effect, know what's gonna happen next.


Special bonus Generic Celebrity: Not Actually Jenny McCarthy!


Special extra-bonus Generic Celebrity: Not Actually Martha Stewart!


And if you can't get enough of Cheryl Blossom vs. Not Actually Martha Stewart, tune in again on Thanksgiving!

Any last words, Cindy Lee?

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 12: Not Actually the Cast of Friends

So, yesterday we saw Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman Tom Crude and Nicole Kingfish — that's some MAD Magazine heights of parody names right there, huh? — having a spat over Tom's wandering eye for a member of the cast of the Earth-Archie's version of Friends:


Panel from Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #1 (April 1997), script by Dan Parent, pencils by Don DeCarlo, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Jennifer Applegate: the Amalgam Universe synthesis of Jennifer Aniston* and Christina Applegate. And she stars on that popular TV sitcom Buddies!


Well, I can recognize the Matt LeBlanc expy, but who are the rest? Despite the Bizarro World haircoloring, I'm just guessing, from left to right: Matthew Berry, Jennifer Applegate, Courteney Chickenz, and Lisa Kudzu. Yes, in any universe, nobody likes David Schwimmer. And here's Brad LeBlanc!


So there ya go. Now you know all about Riverdale's Thursday Night Must-See Expy.

Incidentally, how terrible a person is Cheryl Blossom? Why, this terrible:



So now you see why there is no need for "real" celebrities in Riverdale. Because in Archie's world: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHERYL.

*This passed by my spellcheck without hesitation. Why is the word "Aniston" in Microsoft Word's dictionary?!?

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 11: Not Actually Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

Panels from Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #1 (April 1997), script by Dan Parent, pencils by Don DeCarlo, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Whoa, whoa, what's with this Jennifer Applegate generic celebrity name-dropping?!? Need we say...to be continued tomorrow!