Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 12: Not Actually the Cast of Friends

So, yesterday we saw Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman Tom Crude and Nicole Kingfish — that's some MAD Magazine heights of parody names right there, huh? — having a spat over Tom's wandering eye for a member of the cast of the Earth-Archie's version of Friends:


Panel from Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #1 (April 1997), script by Dan Parent, pencils by Don DeCarlo, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Jennifer Applegate: the Amalgam Universe synthesis of Jennifer Aniston* and Christina Applegate. And she stars on that popular TV sitcom Buddies!


Well, I can recognize the Matt LeBlanc expy, but who are the rest? Despite the Bizarro World haircoloring, I'm just guessing, from left to right: Matthew Berry, Jennifer Applegate, Courteney Chickenz, and Lisa Kudzu. Yes, in any universe, nobody likes David Schwimmer. And here's Brad LeBlanc!


So there ya go. Now you know all about Riverdale's Thursday Night Must-See Expy.

Incidentally, how terrible a person is Cheryl Blossom? Why, this terrible:



So now you see why there is no need for "real" celebrities in Riverdale. Because in Archie's world: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHERYL.

*This passed by my spellcheck without hesitation. Why is the word "Aniston" in Microsoft Word's dictionary?!?