At 13th Dimension: Spider-Man's Screwiest Spider-Verses: Teens vs. Ultron!

Tonight, my pal John has a new post up over at comics news 'n' culture blog 13th Dimension, an' I helped! Continuing John's sure-to-be-Eisner-nominated series on weird and oddball alternate Spider-Man Universes, he's told us all about the time Spider-Man contributed to engineering education for teens and he fought the rampaging Doctor Octopus and Ultron. Well, sorta. In the end it's actually the civilians who save Spidey's bacon (and that's even without him being Spider-Ham!) You can pretty much count on Spider-Man just passing the buck in his adventures, can't you?:


Panels from The Amazing Spider-Man NACME Series: Riot at Robotworld #2 (1991), script by Dwayne McDuffie, pencils by Alex Saviuk, inks by Chris Ivy, colors by Paul Becton, letters by Jon Babcock
Ah, that's the Spider-Man we know and love.

Also, as Spider-Marshall-McLuhan would remind us, this is a comic book brought you to by the fine folks at the major corporations who contribute to the National Action Council for Minorities in Engineering, and so they get to have their names listed in a Spider-Man comic book. Be certain to buy stuff from them all! (Hey, it's just like Kickstarter!)


So check out SPIDEY’S SCREWIEST SPIDER-VERSES #3: Teenagers vs. Ultron over at 13th Dimension, the comics site that's ten dimensions better than reality!

In conclusion: engineering jobs for minority kids: good. Ultron: bad.

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 5: Not Actually Hootie and the Blowfish

Panels from "Hearing Aided" in Betty and Veronica (1987 series) #106 (December 1996), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils and inks by Dan DeCarlo, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Today in Comics History, November 4: Batman and Katana diplomatically refrain from mentioning Alfred's enormous chin

from Beware the Batman #1 (DC, December 2013), script by Ivan Cohen, pencils and inks by Luciano Vecchio, colors by Franco Riesco, letters by Wes Abbott

Previews for Bulls (November 5, 2014)

In which a little stuffed bull looks at the comic shelves from the bottom up ('coz I'm very, very small) and tells you about comics, books, merch and dust-gatherers on sales tomorrow, Wednesday, November 5. So before you heads off to blow up Parliament just because you have a cool mask that came with your V for Vendetta trade, go buy some fine comics! Or maybe some of these.


GRAYSON #4

Here's a random thought: why is Dick Grayson called Agent #37 in this series...and not Agent #38?

Also, whoa, is that the most psychedelic and vertigo-inducing comic book cover you'll see this week?...




GREEN LANTERN #36

...OH WELL PLAYED DC.

Today in Comics History, November 4, 1990: First appearance of Booster Gold on the front page of a newspaper not accompanied by the world "alleged"

from Justice League Quarterly #1 (DC, Winter 1990), plot and layouts by Keith Giffen, script by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Chris Sprouse, inks by Bruce Patterson, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Bob Pinaha

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 4: Not Actually Guy Fieri, Rachael Ray, or Paula Deen

Say, who's this hash-crashing the Riverdale High cafeteria, domain of dinner doyenne Bernice Beazly? Why, it's some Gourmand Generic Celebrities!


Splash page from "Cafeteria Cook Showdown" in World of Archie Double Digest #7 (July 2011), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Stand Goldebrg, inks by Al Milgron, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Janice Chiang
Let's introduce them by their generic parody names, shall we? Oh dear oh dear oh dear.


Guy and Rachael Dude and Maple are introduced as pretty darn cool, and so would you if you had a multi-million dollar advertising cookware campaign running in major magazines around the world, including inside the Archie Universe. But right from the start "Deanna Paul" is shown to be harboring a dark, dark secret from her Southern past. Could it be that she's fond of using... gasp!... the "N" word? Why yes, here in Riverdale, Deanna can't resist referring to... Nabisco!


Suddenly...national television channel reality program showdown! What, you're doing a TV show about cafeteria food without Oliver Jameson?


Of course, Ms. Beasly's infamous un-food pulls swiftly to the lead, thanks to Dude Ferrari's palate for food from (in the name of his popular TV series) Dumpsters, Debris and Dung!


Turns out Deanna Paul's secret shame is that she flunked out of cafeteria school. Also, that her name used to be "Mary Slimapple." Also, that she smokes twenty packs of butter daily.


HA HA HA HA Deanna Paul opens her own mouth and inserts foot. Well, it oughta be better than those Lard Squyares she's been hawking.
THUS PERISH ALL ENEMIES TO MS. BEAZLY.

Today in Comics History, November 3: The only man who never escaped from Blackgate Prison is kicked out

from Detective Comics #777 (DC, February 2003), script by Ed Brubaker, pencils by Tommy Castillo, inks by Wade von Grawbadger, colors by Jason Wright, color separations by Wildstorm FX, letters by Todd Klein

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 3: Not Actually The Rolling Stones

Panel from "Backstage Pass" in Betty and Veronica (1987 series) #232 (February 2008), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Jack Morelli
And yes, the lead singer of the Tumbling Boulders is named Nick Swagger.

Ten of a Kind: Happy Birthday, Steve Ditko!

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 2: Not Actually Ashlee Simpson

Panels from "Red Carpet Romance" in World of Archie Double Digest #27 (May 2013), script and pencils by Fernando Ruiz, inks and letters by Jon D'Agostino (credited)

Today in Comics History, November 2, 1990: Today's surprise headline. Turns out he's really a girl!

from Superman: Secret Identity #1 (DC, January 2004), script by Kurt Busiek; pencils, inks, and colors by Stuart Immonen; letters by Todd Klein

Today in Comics History, November 2, 1943: Starfleet regrets letting Jim Kirk borrow the Enterprise to rescue Spock

from "Philadelphia Experiment" in Atomic Robo Presents Real Science Adventures #6 (Red 5, September 2012), script by Brian Clevinger, pencils and inks by Erica Henderson, letters by Jeff Powell

Today in Comics History, November 1: Nobody at Arkham Asylum wants to admit they were the one who gave a knife to Santa

from Detective Comics #593 (DC, December 1988), script by Alan Grant, pencils by Norm Breyfogle, inks by Steve Mitchell, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Todd Klein

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 1: Not Actually Johnny Depp

Which comic book character do you think has met the largest number of famous people? Wolverine? Wolverine? Do you think it's Wolverine? It's probably Wolverine, isn't it? Well, actually, it's those crazy kids of Riverdale, USA: Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead... um... Gerry...Pingu... Vyvyan and Rick... um... Spanky and Alfalfa... and the Professor and Mary Ann. But somehow all those celebrities who ride the little-seen Acela Express from Westbridge, Massachusetts straight to the Riverdale / Pembrooke / Greendale tri-state area seem to be...not quite the real thing. I don't know whether this is to avoid Archie Comics being sued by a celebrity (although let's face it, Angelina Jolie was just a really poor sport about that story where Jughead dumped a bucket of mustard on her head) or just that Riverdale exists in a parallel universe where big-time Hollywood stars have close-but-not-legal-actionable names. In any case, let's take thirty days' look-see at fake celebrities that don't really exist, like Michael Jonkson, Scarlett Jansonberry and Glenn Scarpelli!

In short: this month, all month: Archie's Generic Celebrities! First up: that dreamboat star who made us all forget that pirates were hateful, murderous villains who looted, pillaged, and participated in internet hate crimes against women: Jon E. Depth!


Panel from "Pirates Ahoy!" in Archie Comics Digest #237 (August 2007), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils by Henry Scarpelli, inks by Jon D'Agostino
You know, I liked the original Spy Guy movies much better before they rebooted them with Steve Martin.

Today in Comics History, October 31, 1951: So that makes teenage witch Sabrina 64 years old? I'll buy that

from Chilling Adventures of Sabrina #1 (Archie, December 2014); script by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa; pencils, inks, and colors by Robert Hack; letters by Jack Morelli

Today in Comics History, October 31, 1813: And that's why Scotland can never secede from the United Kingdom

from Hellboy in Hell #4 (Dark Horse, March 2013); script, pencils, and inks by Mike Mignola, colors by Dave Stewart, letters by Clem Robins

Today in Comics History, October 31: Business as usual in the Frump* household

from "You've Got to Relax!" in Gasp! #4 (ACG, August 1967), script by Joe Morrison, pencils and inks by Sal Trapani
*A special Candy-Coated Bull-Prize to the first commenter to identify this reference!

A Sugar and Spike Halloween, Night 31: Halloween Terror Beyond Imagination

Let's wrap up on the spookiest day of the year by posting the most terrifying adventure ever of Spike Wilson and Sugar Plumm! Have a sugary Halloween and a spiky All Hallow's Eve, everyone!


Panels from "Night of the Living Doll" in Ambush Bug Stocking Stuffer one-shot (1986); script by Robert Loren Fleming, pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Bob Oksner, colors by Anthony Tollin, letters by John Costanza

Today in Comics History, October 30: No time for love; just gimme that cake

from "Wedding Forecast!" in Wonder Woman (1942 series) #182 (DC, May 1969), writer and artist uncredited and unknown

Today in Comics History, October 30, 1929: Professor Xavier really enjoys his Norwegian Cruise

from The Shadow: Year One #1 (Dynamite, February 2013), script by Matt Wagner, pencils and inks by Wilfredo Torres, colors by Brennan Wagner, letters by Rob Steen