Today in Comics History, October 9, 1985: You better hurry up, Kid! 1985 is almost over!

Hey look!: It's Kid Devil, the Sensational Character Find of 1985!


from "Dear Pen Pal..." in Blue Devil #19 (DC, December 1985), plot and pencils by Alan Kupperberg, script by Gary Cohn and Dan Mishkin, inks by Rick Magyar, colors by Michele Wolfman, letters by Bob Lappan

Today in Comics History, December 17, 1903: Compared to other realities, our Wright Brothers totally suck

This is an expanded and updated version of a post originally published December 17, 2014.

Today in American History (not just comics, altho' they overlap, as you shall see): one of the most important technological steps forward in humanity as the Wright Brothers finally realized our dream of flying. (Insert your own lost luggage joke here.)


from "Scoops...Pictures to Remember" in Real Fact Comics #1 (DC, March 1946), pencils and inks by George Roussos
Because the name of the comic book is Real Facts, i assure you that is fact, brother, just exactly as it happened, maybe minus Lex Luthor there underneath the yellow hat. Exciting, huh?

Stuff Bully Got: LEGO minifigs

Hey look! Randi brought home Marvel LEGO™ minifigs, and we got to open them tonight! Hooray! Thanks, Randi!

Oh boy: Throg (the Frog Thor, invented by Walt Simsonson)!


Zombie Captain America! He'll take a bite out of crime! RAWRRRRRR! BRAINS (AND DEMOCRACY)!


Miss Sylvie Loki and Crock Loki, the Sensational Character Find of 2009!


Plus, Captain Marvel Spectrum Photon Monica Rambeau!


Plus lots more that I didn't photograph because I'm busy playin' with 'em!

Randi bought two of the six-figure boxes and wound up with the complete set of twelve different figures between them. (We did wind up with some dupes but only because I'd bought some single fig packs before). So if you don't want duplicates, buy a six-pack! (This advice also given to me by Mister Rowsdower.)

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 211: Crisis on Infinite Jonahs Week, Day 6: Don't tie me donkey down there

Earth-7848! (When oh when shall we get to Earth-7-11? I'm dying for a Slurpee!) Where the Marvel Bullpen asks us the musical question "What If...the world knew Daredevil was blind?" (Musical answer: He'd really be in quite a bind!)


Panel from "What If the World Knew Daredevil Was Blind?" in What If? (1977 series) #8 (April 1978), script by Don Glut, breakdowns by Alan Kupperberg, finishes by Jim Mooney, colors by Mary Ellen Beveridge (she's refreshing!), letters by Karin Kish
BWHA-HA-HA-HA it's funny because we've all been thinking it! (And you can read more about this blindingly brilliant tale over at Siskoid's Blog of Geekery!)

But this isn't 365 Days of Daredevil, is it? (Musical answer: No, it's not! You're a silly git!) There's also a back-up tale in What If? #8 that is more in keeping with out Triple J-oriented programming. So here, straight from Earth-7840, just as I promised you not only at the beginning of the week but also on day one of this crazy concept:

J. JONAH JACKASS

Panel from "What If the Spider Had Been Bitten by a Radioactive Human?" in What If? (1977 series) #8 (April 1978); script, pencils, and inks by Scott Shaw!; colors by Carl Gafford; letters by Carol Lay
BWHA-HA-HA-HA it's funny because we've all been thinking this one too! (snicker)

By the time the second funny-animal Jonah pops up within the pages of Earth-8311's Sensational Character Find of 1983 — Peter Porker, The Sensational Spider-Ham! — JJJ's got a name kids can yell on the playground and not get rapped over the knuckles for:

J. JONAH JACKAL

Panels from Peter Porker, The Sensational Spider-Ham #1 (May 1985); script by Steve Skeates, pencils by Mark Armstrong, inks by Joe Albelo, colors by Steve Mellor, letters by Rick Parker
Say, why the long face, Jonah?

Please note he gives poor Peter no more print credit than his human equivalent does:


...although this Jonah seems like he is a little bit more liable to cut footloose:


But rest reassured, Dear Reader, as we shall see the Jackass version of JJJ at least once more, this time on Earth-9997:


Panel from Earth X #X (June 2000), co-plot and script by by Jim Krueger, co-plot by Alex Ross, pencils by John Paul Leon, inks by Bill Reinhold, colors by Melissa Edwards, letters by Todd Klein
So, in musical conclusion:

Play that theme man!
Jackass will jump and bray, let him bray, let him bray
I say the Jackass will jump and bray
Lordy let him bray, let him bray, everybody!

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 26: Pancakes, Pork and Cheesecake

On the very first day of this fine flapjack feature, Pancake Pal Erich grilled griddled me the request

I hope you'll include the Golden Age Phantom Lady #14. ("Juss what liddle Porky needs...flapjacks!")

I hadn't read that before, Erich, and it's a hoot! And in addition to its owl-esque properties, it's also the subject of today's post! In thankfulness, Erich, please consider yourself the worthy recipient of a light and fluffy, golden-brown No-Bull Prize! (With Syrup!)

Say, what's that about this Porky fella anyway?


Panels from "A Shroud for the Bride!" in Phantom Lady #14 (October 1947); script by Ruth Roche (?), pencils and inks by Matt Baker
I hereby propose that Porky Mead is the Sensational Comics Find of 1947, and that his catchphrase, a tipisly slurred "Juss what liddle Porky needs...flapjacks!" should be the advertising motto of Bisquick. Remember in those heady, boom-town post-War days when all the kids were saying it? Remember how many laughs Fred Allen got on his show when it became a running gag? Remember Bogart using it as his dying words in the motion picture The Treasure of the Sierra Madre House of Pancakes (Warner Bros, 1948)? Sure, we all do!

As you might have guessed, Porky not only got his pancakes, he picked up a date to the ball that night. Rosie the waitress was her name, and it's nice to see a very early role by Nancy Walker. (Seriously, ladies, don't accept dates from strangers unless you're in a fairy tale and wearing glass slippers.) Trouble is: that night at the ball, Rosie winds up...smothered in syrup murdered! There will now be a slight pause while we all mentally hum and suspenseful chord to ourselves. (Da da DAAAAAAH!)

Of course, since this here comic book is the property of Phantom Lady, retroactively canonical cousin of Ted "Starman"/"Meanwhile, Back at Justice League Headquarters" Knight, even though they started out at completely different competing comic book companies. All together now: Thanks, Roy Thomas! P.L. shines her headlights on crime by tracking down and apprehending Rosie's murderer by trying shoes on random debutantes. Hey, maybe it is a fairy tale! But honestly, I don't think that's entirely the full focus of the story itself. We now present, without comment (because i'm too young to look at 'em) assorted and completely random panels from the rest of the story. Say, Doctor Wertham!









Phantom Lady! She don't need no steenkin' Comics Code!

---

Down the Internet Wormhole Dept.: One thing I did not expect to find when I was researching some of the tangent jokes in this post (sometimes termed "looking for Wonder Woman on a Jet Ski") is that Nancy Walker did a concept album entitled I Hate Men.



"That's offensive to men!" declares a great wailing of Internet Bros.

366 Days with Combo-Man, Day 1: And so it begins

And now: Combo Man! The Sensational Character Find of 1996! And now we're going to feature him every day of the year in 2016! He's comboriffic!


Cover of Combo Man #1 (1996), script by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Hector Collazo, inks by Greg Adams, colors by Mark Bernardo, letters by Janice Chiang
Origin (set to that staccato piano music at the beginning of The Incredible Hulk TV series): Whenever teenager Rick Wilder eats a Combo™ cheese-flavor snack, he gains the powers of several Marvel super-heroes at once, including the plunging neckline of Luke Cage Power Man, to become...Combo Man!


Panels from Combo Man #1 (1996), script by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Hector Collazo, inks by Greg Adams, colors by Mark Bernardo, letters by Janice Chiang
Special First Day of 366 Days with Combo Man bonus: click here to see the original art from Combo Man #1!

So, there you go: only the first day of 366 Days with Combo Man! I'll be following it up this year with panels and artwork from the one Combo Man comic...

Wait a minute. This guy is only in one comic book?

And that comic book is only twelve pages long? And I've already posted two of them? And two more are this ad?


Ummmm. I'm not really certain I can get a whole year outta this dude and the eight pages of his comic book I have left. Maybe if I divide every page into 46 parts...naw, that won't work.

Hmmmmmmm.

Besides, what could I say that Chris Sims hasn't already said better and more hilariously than me?

Ummmm.

Well, tune in tomorrow and see who the real new 366 Days with will feature, I guess!

The Wonderful World (-616) of Color

Children of the atom! Students of Charles Xavier! Mutants! Feared and hated by the world they have sworn to protect! These are the strangest heroes of them all: The X-Men! Or, if you're Spanish, Patrulla-X! (That's the X-Men with paella on the side, and your choice of flan!)

Of course, the early overseas editions of Marvel comics occasionally suffered from...shall we say...some odd interpretations on their covers. As exhibit A, I give you: Los 4 Fantásticos!

But even when comic companies publish licensed Marvel Comics and use the original cover art, things sometimes get a little...colorful. May I present a Technicolor look at Marvel's Merry Mutants as seen in Spain: Los Weirdly-Colored Hijos del Átomo!

For instance, here the X-Men face off against the menace of...The Blue Magneto!





And the daisy-colored peril of Yellow Juggernaut!







Not to mention Red Polaris!





Can the X-Men survive The Christmas Sentinels? They'd better watch out!





And this is either The Red Beast or Wolverine with a Suntan! SPF, Logan! SPF!





But none of this can prepare you for the Sensational Character Find of 1980, Caucasian Blonde Storm! She's the mutant superhero even Nigel Farage can love!





Yes, Caucasian Blonde Storm! And her team-mate, Caucasian Blonde Nightcrawler!





And their team-mate, Emerald Colossus!





And they're all fighting against Blonde Jean Grey! Okay, okay, I'll admit this one's kinda pushing the joke. But she's Jean Blonde!





Yes, yes, yes, we laff and laff at Patrulla-X's weirdly colored X-Men. Still, it's not quite as bad a stretch as what Australia's Newton Comics did to the X-Men. Not only is Magneto color-coded by a six year old, but the original yellow-and-blue X-Men costumes have been recolored to try to look like their post-X-Men #39 new costumes! And not only what the Sam Scratch is up with the Beast's skin color, but is that monkey bar really hanging from the Avengers logo?!?





Here's an only slightly better attempt to match the original X-Men with their redesigned costumes. Makes you long for that free inside super color poster, doesn't it?





Yes, Newton Comics: home of Black Light Captain America!





And Yellow Daredevil!





Whoops. Well, here's Yellow Daredevil!





There's a lesson in all of this, and that lesson is: foreign comics sometimes get the coloring wrong, and we should laugh at them for that! Though, to be fair, Patrulla-X did eventually come out in a correctly colored version. Except they set the whole scene on a dirt road somewhere outside Hooterville.





Still, they even colored Samuel L. Jackson as a white man.

Teniversary Countdown #19: B.A.B.Y., Lois baby

Hoo boy, Lois Lane! As a comic magazine you are both a strike against women's liberation everywhere and yet a gold mine to bloggers. I could spend an entire month of Teniversaries covering the stories in Lois Lane #10 and you'd laff until you cried, not unlike a Night at the Comedy Club featuring Olly, the Onion Stand-Up Comic. (He'll run rings round the other comics!)

Anyway, here's the time...bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!...when Lois...hee-hee-hee-hee!...turned herself into a baby! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!


Splash panel from "The Cry-Baby of Metropolis!" in Lois Lane #10 (July 1959), script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Kurt Schaffenberger
Yes, this story is chock-full o' TOPLESS LOIS LANE. (Hello, Google image searchers!)

What happens is pretty much par for the course in any issue of Lois, three times per comic: a scientist pal of Superman's develops a mysterious de-aging ray! Naturally, Lois steps right in it to avoid a few wrinkles. Wrinkles, really? What are you in these stories, Lois...twenty-five? Twenty-seven? Well...not for long!


The only cure for the de-aging process? A good solid hyper-radioactive blast of Superman's X-ray vision! Sure, Lois never wanted kids anyway. But since Superman scolded Lois earlier in the story for doing all the rock-stupid stuff she usually does, she spends he rest of the adventure covertly trying to get Superman to shoot his X-ray eyes at her without telling him. And she's got to do it before she disappears backwards into a fetus and then a collection of zygotes, which wouldn't make a great Superman comic. Thus follows a ridiculous plot line of Lois's scheming that Jack, Chrissie, and Janet would have scoffed at.

And yes, of course Superman knows already, the big alien jerk. He was letting Lois learn her lesson. Because to Kal-El, it's all about ethics in Superman journalism.


90% of Lois Lane stories during the fifties are about "Superman teaching Lois Lane a lesson." This is one of them. (The other 10% are about Clark Kent teaching Lois Lane a lesson.) So let this fable of folly and foolishness end on the promise that Superman just might spank the half-naked woman he loves while she is a baby as her rival smirks on. The Silver Age, ladeez and gentlemen! This surely must be The Greatest Lois Lane Story Ever!

Extra Lois-Bonus Bonus Lois!: Remember the classic scene in Superman III: The Quest for Richard Pryor where Evil Jerk Superman pushes the Leaning Tower of Pisa into a fully upright position? Sure, we all do! Mainly because it introduced a new member of the Superman supporting cast who has delighted readers of the Man of Steel for years, the Sensational New Character Find of 1983 (just narrowly squeaking out in the voting over Jason Todd, Amethyst, Primcess of Gemworld, and Beta Ray Bill), Singing Italian Guy!


Man, everybody loved that guy. That's why I'm sorry Singing Italian Guy never appeared in the second story of Lois Lane #10, which was all about Lois dating Dean Martin for some reason.


Panels from "Lois Lane's Romeo!" in Lois Lane #10 (July 1959), script by Robert Bernstein, pencils and inks by Kurt Schaffenberger
Thank you, Superman, for helping keep artisanal creators and merchants of plaster replicas of the tilty Tower of Pisa in business for yet another year!


So, because she had a tenth issue of her comic book, we salute you, Miss Lois Calliopepants Lane! And what the heck, also you, Singing Italian Guy!


Panels The Superman Movie Special [Superman III] one-shot (September 1983), script by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Sal Amendola, colors by Carl Gafford, letters by Ben Oda
Yes, remember this as The Greatest Lois Lane Story Ever!