I scream, you scream, we all scream. Especially Alan Moore.

Hey kids, with the Watchmen movie just 'round the corner, let's take a gander at all the Watchmen merchandise we can buy! Yes, that's right; there's lot of it! You can get Watchmen action figures, t-shirts, watches, posters, key chains, pencil cups, candy, notebooks, playing cards, underwear, mugs, plush toys, calendars, postcards, bobbleheads, messenger bags, magnets, bookmarks, lighters, flasks...holy cow, there's a lotta Watchmen crap. There's even this:


...which, as I understand it, is a glowing blue balloon. I blew mine up and have been bouncing it around all day. So exciting!

By far my vote for craziest Watchman tie-in merchandise is Nite Owl Dark Roast Coffee by "Veidt Enterprises":


Yes sirree, folks: that is a real product. Now you too can experience the ennui and quiet despair of aging Dan Dreiberg each and every morning when you wake up from your nightmare of atomic destruction!

Golly, with all this merchandise, Mister Alan Moore just must be rolling over in his beard. But you know, I've come up with a marketing product tie-in that doesn't seem to have occurred to Warner Brothers and DC Comics—a natural pairing of the ultra-violent world of Watchmen and the sweet, creamy taste of pure frosty enjoyment. That's right—for the first time ever, I'm pleased to debut the new line of exclusive limited editions (put 'em in Mylar and then in the freezer!) of

Ben & Jerry's Watchmen Ice Cream Flavors

(Collect all six, fanboys!)







Who watches the Watchmen? I dunno, but I'll sure be eating them all summer long! Make mine a double scoop, Mister Moore!