Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I scream, you scream, we all scream. Especially Alan Moore.

Hey kids, with the Watchmen movie just 'round the corner, let's take a gander at all the Watchmen merchandise we can buy! Yes, that's right; there's lot of it! You can get Watchmen action figures, t-shirts, watches, posters, key chains, pencil cups, candy, notebooks, playing cards, underwear, mugs, plush toys, calendars, postcards, bobbleheads, messenger bags, magnets, bookmarks, lighters, flasks...holy cow, there's a lotta Watchmen crap. There's even this:

Watchman thingee

...which, as I understand it, is a glowing blue balloon. I blew mine up and have been bouncing it around all day. So exciting!

By far my vote for craziest Watchman tie-in merchandise is Nite Owl Dark Roast Coffee by "Veidt Enterprises":

Yes sirree, folks: that is a real product. Now you too can experience the ennui and quiet despair of aging Dan Dreiberg each and every morning when you wake up from your nightmare of atomic destruction!

Golly, with all this merchandise, Mister Alan Moore just must be rolling over in his beard. But you know, I've come up with a marketing product tie-in that doesn't seem to have occurred to Warner Brothers and DC Comics—a natural pairing of the ultra-violent world of Watchmen and the sweet, creamy taste of pure frosty enjoyment. That's right—for the first time ever, I'm pleased to debut the new line of exclusive limited editions (put 'em in Mylar and then in the freezer!) of

Ben & Jerry's Watchmen Ice Cream Flavors

(Collect all six, fanboys!)

Watchmen Ice Cream
Watchmen Ice Cream
Watchmen Ice Cream
Watchmen Ice Cream
Watchmen Ice Cream
Watchmen Ice Cream
Who watches the Watchmen? I dunno, but I'll sure be eating them all summer long! Make mine a double scoop, Mister Moore!


Richard said...

The bowl is empty. The scoop is falling from my hand. I am eating the ice cream. I am bringing the groceries home. I am paying the cashier. I am seeing the ice cream in the freezer case for the first time. The scoop is falling from my hand. The morality of my diet escapes me.

(I was going to post a comment about how it turns out there's a reason the Nite Owl coffee is being sold by this particular company and it isn't just some totally random merchandising thing...but the other thing needed saying too.)

Brian Smith said...

I really liked the classic Minutemen version of Silk (Chocolate) Spectre ice cream. This new one tastes different, and I thought it was because they swirled in Hooded Fudgestice...but finally I had a long talk with an old friend who helped me realize that it's actually The Comedian's Ha-Ha-Hanilla in the mix.

(Incidentally, someone had to explain to me that Hooded Fudgestice and Captain Manhattanut go great together. I'm kicking myself for not figuring that out on my own.)

SallyP said...

Oh, this is rich.

Dave of Apocalypse said...

Apparently, The Watchmen have a 97% success rate when used properly.

I believe it safe to say this is MUCH less than "properly."

Sleestak said...

Did someone gank your shop?

theBigSmoke said...

You forgot my favourite flavour.

And bravo RAB, I'm still chuckling which is a feat given the day I'm having.