Happy President's Day!

Ben Grimm totally rocks! Reason #10

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?

10. You can't beat him! But you can lick him! His chocolate-coated vanilla ice cream on a stick with gumball eyes, that is! (Hey, why not orange sherbet flavor?) Take that, Spider-Man who doesn't have his own delicious ice cream treat! Yah boo!

He's big and brawny and he'll cool you down on a hot summer day with curiously out-of-context flavors. Now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

(Reason #1-3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 )

Sugar! Spice! And everything kickass!

Is it just my personal tastes, the random nature of the universe, or some hidden publishing plan that all the fun comic books I bought this week starred female heroes? Maybe it's just something in the air...but when four out of four books I pick up star girls, that's a trend I had to feature in my weekly reviews. So in addition to how fun they are, I'm gonna rate them on how much they appeal to girls by bringing in a guest girl reviewer: my kid sister Marshall will add her comments, too!


SHE-HULK #5: This comic is fun...sorta. First off, let's get this out of the way: please someone stop Greg Horn! Why is that leering horse on the cover of this fun comic book?!?! Why on all his covers does She-Hulk look so reflecty and shiny that she actually looks greasy!?!? Please, someone tell me why this is the best artwork for She-Hulk? Ahem. I know that is just beating a dead horse, but it had to be said. Okay, but after you rip off and toss away open the cover, it's the usual pretty-fun Shulkie adventure. I'm a little stuffed bull who's a sucker for time-travel stories, and this one covers an unusual and interesting aspect of time travel: stranding the Two-Gun Kid, a hero from the age of cowboys, smack-dab in the Marvel Universe's twenty-first century. I enjoyed Two-Gun Kid's confusion in the modern world (he's not as lost as you might think: remember, he's been to our times before to help the Avengers), and there's some good fish-out-of-water stories to be told here. My only problem with this storyline is that action-wise, really nothing happens in this issue: a few very short fight scenes without significance, but most of the issue is Two-Gun Kid adjusting to his new life and Awesome Andy being a bit jealous. Don't get me wrong: nothin' wrong with characterization and plot development...but this seems like just another issue in the current series that has been mostly that rather than all-out action. Dan Slott does a great job writing characters rather than just action--it's just that I wish there was a little more of the action along with his great characterization. I will admit that Dan Slott has some of the best "small concepts" in comics today. By "small concepts" I mean a throwaway character or line that just sparkles off the page even tho' it isn't a vital part of the plot. Or even the Marvel Universe. Case in point: The Best Line of the Week: "Nobody understands. I got sent forward in time two whole weeks! Now I'm all backed up at work, and I missed the last two episodes of Lost. And 24. And Desperate Housewives..." (And kudos for the kicker, a totally-adjusted medieval maiden yakking on her cell phone: "Aye, I'm still in group. No, nothing of great import. Just some fool who can't work a Tivo...") But I still wanna see more action, please. After all, when you've got a big green powerhouse as your star, I want more than just talking heads on most pages. Maybe this series is getting revved up for some serious blockbusting and in-your-face action-adventure. I know Mister Slott can do it; he's doing it over in The Thing.

And Marshall says: I liked this comic a lot! She-Hulk is a big pretty smashy green lady. I wish I was big and green. I would not smash things, though. I would be very careful. Yay for She-Hulk! She is a heroine I can really look up to. Cos she's so tall.


RUNAWAYS #13: This comic is fun. Here's something rare: a done-in-one solo story that doesn't star Wolverine. My favorite team comic is made even better by the detail and personality Mister Brian K. Vaughan has given each of the Runaways, especially the youngest member of the team, Molly Hayes. (Altho' did you notice they stopped putting the ages of the characters on the top of the first page each month?) Month after month Runaways is Marvel's most accessible comic to new readers (even when they put Marvel Universe characters in it), and while this issue isn't specifically an ideal jumping-on point, you don't need to know anything about the team or the characters before you dive into this issue, partly because of the always-excellent recap on page one, but mostly because Vaughan has mastered that delicate thin line between Chris Claremont-over-explanation of characters and being dropped into a storyline without knowing what's going on. This one features Molly falling under the control of a modern-day Fagin and helping out her fellow pickpockets to break his control over them. It's funny and sad and action-filled and has a great turn-around against the villain that's not only totally believable but utterly satisfying. Great stuff. Everybody should be reading this book. Including my sister Marshall, who says: This had a sad ending and I was so sorry for Molly when this ended! Poor Molly. She's a great heroine and came up with a great plan to beat the bad guy. I bet I could not have thought up such a great plan. Yay Molly! I'm glad she is not one of the mutants who went away after the end of that House of Pancakes thing.


X-STATIX PRESENTS DEAD GIRL #2: This comic is fun. Dr. Strange goes shopping at Pathmart to get stuff to make a new body for Dead Girl. How could that not be fun?!? There's a lot more Dead Girl in this issue than there was in the last one, but either way, this is shaping up to be my favorite miniseries so far this year for all its wonderful quirky touches: Doc Strange musing about the improbability of Colossus returning from the dead, Ant Man obsessed with fighting carpet mites, Sue Richards trying to headhunt Wong away from Strange's employ, and my favorite, Gwen Stacy, Moira MacTaggart, and Mockingbird in an afterlife book club! (I sure like this Gwen better than the one in J. Michael Straczynski's recent Spider-Man flashbacks!) As for the Pitiful One, I'm guessing that Peter Milligan has done his homework and he's really some forgotten dead FF villain, rather than Mr. Milligan just making up the character's history. (Either way, I want to be surprised and not know who he is until the story tells us, so please don't email me and tell me that the Pitiful One is Willie Lumpkin or something! Do you see me knocking on your door telling you who Luke Skywalker's father is? Or who shot Mister Burns? Or what the Rambaldi Device does? No, you do not!) All the care and attention given to Marvel history--yet the ability to twist it, tweak it, and have fun with it, is what makes DEAD GIRL #2 the most fun comic of the week!. Marshall says: Dead Girl is icky! She is funny but I do not think I would want to be her friend. (I would not mind being Gwen Stacy's friend though...she looks like she is a totally groovy chick!) And the dead bad guys are kinda scary. Oh no! Look out, Wong! Look out! Oh! Oh! You can keep this comic, Bully! And after I saw what Dead Girl's new body was made of, I am really glad it is not scratch-and-sniff!


HI HI PUFFY AMIYUMI #1: This comic is fun. One of my 2006 New Year's Resolutions (along with not eating quite so many cookies!) is to Try Each Week to Pick Up One New Comic Title I Haven't Been Reading. So when I saw Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi #1 winking at me from the comics shelf, I had to grab it and see if it was as fun as it looked! The comic consists of three short comics stories based on the hyperactive but very fun Cartoon Network TV Show. I like Puffy AmiYumi's music a lot, but I'm not really a big fan of their cartoon (the girls sound too westernized for me to believe they are the real Puffy!). I don't have that problem with the comic book (make up your own voices, Puffy purists!) so I enjoyed this a lot. It was a nice refreshing change from a lot of superhero angst this week and the cartooning style is bright and clear and vibrant. I can easily see this being a great comic book to give to a girl who has never read them before. This is only a three-issue limited series but it's so well done I hope that it develops into a regular series, especially since The Powerpuff Girls series at DC Kids just ended. What do you think, Marshall? Oh oh oh! Oh! This is the best comic book in the universe! There are great fun stories in here and one of them is 'bout a magic guitar and I have always wanted a magic guitar! Yumi and Ami look like they have the most amazing adventures! This book is so kawaii (cute) and kakkoi (cool) and it is even educational cos it teaches me some Japanese words at the end of every story as a omake (bonus!) Arigato, Puffy! So, in conclusion, if this was my blog entitled Marshall Says: Yay! Comics About Puffy AmiYumi Are Fun!, this, not that one about the icky stinky dead meat girl, would be the most fun comic of the week! Yay!

The Just-Leave us-Alone Gang (or, "Quitters never win...winners never quit")

The always-eloquent H over at The Comic Treadmill has strong words for the current run of JLA as this once-mighty flagship of the DC Universe stumbles to a clumsy halt and disintegrates before our eyes prior to the title being rebooted post-Infinite Crisis.

The general theme of H's rant of: what a complete piece of garbage JLA has become after such a strong start. I gotta agree. And it got me thinking: JLA (or, Justice League of America, or Justice League America...take yer pick) has ended three times in the past twenty years. And each time it's ended with a whimper, not a bang. Each JLA series has wrapped up with the deaths of members, the general chaotic falling apart of the team, and especially in this current incarnation, angry accusations being shot back and forth across the bows of the DCU's big guns. In other words, heroes fighting heroes. Heroes blaming heroes. Heroes even hurting heroes.

Enough. I'm as interested as any little stuffed comics fan to see a new twist on the JLA, but why must we be made to hate the series...and even worse, its heroes...as JLA dies away? Do the creators feel they're producing vibrant, exciting work as they wrap-up storylines in preparation for being cancelled, or are they simply marking time until they can get off the book?

More to the point, why must each JLA series end in a Crisis or cataclysm or general crumbling apart of the team until it's not even worth calling them the Justice League of America anymore? Why do members quit and bicker and fight each other and why oh why do my heroes give up on their team? My mama always taught me that quitters never win, and winners never quit. How can I believe in my heroes if they don't feel the same way?

Here's the kind of reaction I want to see happen to someone saying "The JLA is over; it's not worth it anymore; I give up, I quit!":



The Superman I know wouldn't put up with giving up on the responsibility and dream of the JLA. The Batman I know would find a way to make it work when all around him is crashing down. The Wonder Woman I know would hold together the team with power and heart.

Here's the ending I want to see to a JLA series:

Superman: We did good. But there's so much more to do. We can't let the JLA die.
Batman: Agreed. Our work goes on.
Wonder Woman: Injustice will never stop, my friends. But neither will we. Neither will we.

Comics Oughta Be Romantic!

Hi hi hi Bully fans! It's Valentine's Day in less than a week. Did you buy your Valentine a present yet? May I suggest that instead of the usual Whitman's Sampler or fistful of dead weeds, you get your true love a comic book instead? Why, that's what I'm getting my girlfriend Audrey Tautou. She will shriek in delight as she opens the wrapping paper and peels open the protective mylar bag and sees the wonderful comic books I have bought her. "Ooh la la Booly," she will declare, sighing with joy and contentment, "Tu are quite ze best presaint-giver evair." And then she will kiss me on my little stuffed nose. Mmmmmmmmmm. Nose kisses.

But make sure you pick the right comic! You can't get that same result with an old coverless issue of Secret Wars II or Witchblade# 49. Come to think of it, any issue of Witchblade is a poor gift to give a loved one. Or, f'r that matter, to anyone. No, make sure you guarantee a nose-kissing result from your lovely lady or man by presenting them with one of these fine comics:


FRANKLIN RICHARDS, SON OF A GENIUS: EVERYBODY LOVES FRANKLIN: This comic is romantic! The sequel to one of the most fun comics of 2005 (and one of my pers'nal fav'rites) brings back Calvin and his toy tiger...er, Franklin Richards, son of Mister Fantastic, and his robot H.E.R.B.I.E. in four mischievous adventures in which we learn the most important lesson of all: don't touch Mister Fantastic's stuff! Ah, Franklin, when will you ever learn not to touch the time machine or the Fantasticar (flying bathtub model) or the inviso-ray or the Doctor Doom-bots! Most important, when will you learn you can't fool a mother who can turn invisible? This is all fairly breezy and goofy adventure in a style that Bill Watterson should sue over but which we all hope he's got a good sense of humor 'bout, cos it's all done in good fun. The formula's exactly the same in each story (as it was in the first issue): Franklin's tempted to use one of his dad's amazing scientific devices, H.E.R.B.I.E. tries to warn him not to, Franklin does anyway...and that's where the fun begins! Where's the romance come in? Enter Power Pack's Katie Power! Don't they make a lovely young couple? If your significant other is young at heart or often getting into mischief, they'll kiss you on the nose for Franklin Richards, Son of a Genius!


I HEART MARVEL: WEB OF ROMANCE #1: This comic is romantic. See, even Spider-Man needs help finding what to give his wife for Valentine's Day, but asking the big smelly Mandrill is not the way to go about it, Spidey! (But it does give us The Best Line of the Week: "How about the Spider-Man video game?" "She already has the game...including the cheat codes. I just have to get her to quit playing as Venom." I might be in the minority, but I have actually always liked the fact that Peter is happily married to Mary Jane. She gives his balance, she gives him a grounding in reality, and she gives him hope. You can argue that bad things should be happening all the time to Spidey, and I disagree. I don't think Stan and Steve's original idea was that Spidey should always be a loser; I think it was that Spidey needs to learn every day that everything must be fought for, that nothing can be taken for granted, that the people he love might be lost at any time, and that with great power comes great responsibility. (But you knew that last one already.) I also don't really mind Spider-Man being in the New Avengers, as it's a different and interesting dynamic that gives Peter someone to talk with and discuss his life, and it sets up the solution where Spider gives Mary Jane the very best Valentine's Day gift of their life together. If I had a quibble, it's a minor one: that the gift is signaled so early in the story that when Peter actually gives it, it's not as much a surprise to us as it should be. Doesn't matter, because from what I can tell from the last page, Mary Jane just loves her gift! I'm not at all certain what Mary Jane and Peter are doing in that last panel, because you can't see 'em, but I'll just bet you anything she is kissing him on the nose! Face it tiger, if you hit the jackpot when you met the love of your life, this is the comic to give to your Valentine, because WEB OF ROMANCE #1 the most romantic comic of the week!

A Million Little Pieces...of Al Lewis

I was always more of a fan of The Addams Family than The Munsters, but I was still sad when I heard earlier this week that "Grandpa" Al Lewis had passed away. I never got a chance to meet him, but as a little stuffed bull who's out and about with his ear to the ground in Manhattan, you couldn't ignore the fact that "Grandpa" was a colorful and eccentric character in New York City long after his heyday on teevee. I'd rather run into him on the street than Kenny Kramer, f'rinstance. Or Donald Trump.

As Mark Evanier reports today in his always-excellent blog, seems Al Lewis may have, ah, embellished elements of his past to give himself a more interesting, adventurous, and colorful history. To which I say, "You go, Mister Lewis!" America needs more eccentric figures with colorful, if fictional, pasts. That's what makes America great! And therefore, here's a sight I would dearly love to have seen:

Oprah Winfrey: I'm disappointed and embarrassed. So very, very embarrassed. And so very, very, very disappointed.
Al Lewis: What, about Stedman?
Oprah: About your lies on your past, Al. You've claimed in your interviews that you...
Al: I'm freakin' Al Lewis, Oprah. Bite me.

Ben Grimm totally rocks! Reason #9

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?



9. He won't sit there at the sidelines and listen to a pseudo-scientific explanation. Instead, he's a man of action and words: and those words are usually "It's clobberin' time!"

He's the best of both worlds, and he's big, rocky, and orange. And nothing rhymes with orange. Come to think of it, nothing rhymes with silver, either. Isn't that weird? What is it about certain colors that they don't rhyme with other things...hey, purple! Purple doesn't rhyme with anything else, does it? Hmmm... burble... curple... durple... furble... Oh! Sorry. Now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

(Reason #1-3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 )

All in color for two dimes

If you remember this entry, I bought twenty comic books for two bucks at Forbidden Planet. That's a comic for twenty cents. Since most of 'em origi'nly cost $2.99, that''s a savings of...uh...um...well...that's a savings of a lot. (I'll get my baby sister to do the math for me later, 'kay?)

What's really important, like always, is whether or not these comics were fun! So I'm gonna review these toot-sweet, fast-fast, and grade 'em each on three points: could I follow the story even just buying one issue, were they fun or not, and were they worth 20¢. I don't wanna give away the startling shock ending of this blog entry but [SPOILER WARNING] some of these comics weren't even worth 20¢!!!

Let's get this party started!

EXILES #72:

Could I follow the story?: I've never read this series. I don't know much about the New Universe, which the characters visit. There's a good story synopsis on the first page, but I guess the question is more "do I care if I follow the story?" Answer: not really. I kinda just flipped through this one.

Was it fun?: Not really. It didn't seem to go anywhere. I think I missed the "glory years" of Exiles, if there were any. This doesn't look like it: it actually looks and reads more like the comics it's referencing, generic 1980s mid-list Marvel quickly-cancelled superhero titles.

Was it worth 20¢?: No.

HAWKMAN #46

Could I follow the story?: Not too much problem. It's a prelude to Rann-Thanagar War so reading that helped. Lotsa weird stuff going on here and I'm sure I missed some plot points, though. Good summary of what's going on in a single dialogue bubble on page one, by the way.

Was it fun?: Sure. Big winged guy with a mace hittin' stuff, always decent fun to read! A little too much reference to Identity Crisis though, which is never fun. But I even liked the OMACs in this, and I haven't picked up a single OMAC Project issue.

Was it worth 20¢?: Yes.

NYX #7

Could I follow the story?: Not really. Not for trying, though. There's a good summary of the first six issues on page one, but I think it was harder to follow because these are all characters I don't know.

Was it fun?: Not really. Sad, disillusioned teens having no fun at all with their superpowers. Nice art, though. Subtract points for that awful Nick Fury's Howling Commandos preview that really killed the book before it had even been published.

Was it worth 20¢?: Eh, just barely.

MARVEL KNIGHTS 4 #19-22

Could I follow the story?: No problem at all. #19-20 was a two-part story. #21 and #22 were both done-in-ones.

Was it fun?: Ehhhh. Weird. To me there is at heart no more fun than the Fantastic Four, but all four of these comics seemed to have a kinda sharp, dull, very cynical edge which doesn't fit well with what I like best about the FF: the over-the-top adventure and wonder. Gorgon seems horribly out of character in the first storyline (although there's some nice bits with Franklin Richards), and Sue Richards' "girls' night out" storyline in #21 is just horribly creepy when it gets into her flashback temptations with the Black Panther. (Nothing against the Black Panther. But she loves Reed!) And there's no superhero I love more than the Thing, so #22 shoulda been a no brainer. Instead it's a sad and spooky golem story with no real satisfaction to the end. Only high spot in these four issues was a nice Kirby impression in the flashback of #21. Who drew it? Probably Ron Frenz, but who knows? There's no credits or title in the story! Bad Marvel! Bad! Bad!

Was it worth 20¢?: Nope. Even Stan and Jack would be bored by these four issues.

CATWOMAN #43 and 45

Could I follow the story?: Sure, even though #43 was the last issue of a storyline and #45 part two of a new story. No summary page at the front, but Catwoman sums up what's goin' on so far in her internal monologue.

Was it fun?: I'm surprised to say yes. Together these issues had a lotta some things I don't really like in mainstream superhero comics: sexual innuendo, over-the-top brutal violence, pointless dream sequences, threatening helpless animals with violence, and most of all, Hush. (I really really don't like Hush.) But #43 had a nice "justice is served" ending and #45 had a great cliffhanger that act'lly makes me wanna seek out issue #46 and see what happened next.

Was it worth 20¢?: These two issues were purrrrfectly worth forty cents. Hee hee hee! That's a Catwoman pun. ... Oh, like you've never made one.

BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHTS #65

Could I follow the story?: Oh, heck no. No idea what was going on here. Poison Ivy lost her powers or something. Who knows?

Was it fun?: Ick. More Hush. And looks like a major character died at the end, but I don't even have to bet that that character will be back in a few months at the most. Nice cover, though.

Was it worth 20¢?: No.

BLACK WIDOW: THE THINGS THEY SAY ABOUT HER... #1

Could I follow the story?: Even tho' it was a #1 issue, not really! Too much depended on you having to have read the last Black Widow series.

Was it fun?: Not really. Too much sex talk and violence without any real forward movement of the story. (I blame Brian Michael Bendis for making stories popular in which nothing happens for several issues). Also, points subtracted for that awful, awful "Bod" ad popping up in my memory again.

Was it worth 20¢?: Heck no.

THE HIRE #4

Could I follow the story?: Sure, no problem. It's a done-in-one story even though it's issue four. I guess this book is an anthology.

Was it fun?: Yes! Mysterious chauffeur in a souped-up BMW helps a tycoon evade his killers, with an escape twist at the end. It reminded me of the movie The Transporter, but no cute Shu Qi in this one! The cartoony art was an odd choice for this story, though. Bonus points for a great one-page Hellboy merchandise advertisment at the back.

Was it worth 20¢?: Yes. Not bad for a comic that's basically a commercial for a car company.

THE AUTHORITY/LOBO: SPRING BREAK MASSACRE

Could I follow the story?: I dunno...John wouldn't let me read it! (He said "yes; it's a done-in-one.")

Was it fun?: John says "Nope! None of the nano-anarchy of an Authority story, too many dirty and over-the-top Lobo jokes. And if you can't make Jenny Quantum look cute, there's something very wrong with the artwork."

Was it worth 20¢?: John says "NO!"

RANN-THANAGAR WAR #2-6

Could I follow the story?: No real problem, even though I missed the first issue and there were a million characters to keep track of. Five issues in a row helped.

Was it fun?: Actually, to my surprise, yes! I've been pretty much avoiding Infinite Crisis crossovers but this one was a lead-in so it didn't seem like it was dependent on a lotta the stuff I've hated seeing happen in IC (even tho' I'm not buying that series). Some cool moments, good visuals for sweeping galactic events and plenty of favorite characters in here including the Prince Gavyn Starman and a neat final issue defeat-the-villain plan. Points off for the non-conclusion at the end of issue #6: I really do think miniseries should have a definite end and not just trail off into another story. (That's the same problem I had with the Power Girl storyline in JSA Classified).

Was it worth 20¢?: Five-sixths of a trade paperback for a buck, and I enjoyed the story. Well worth a buck altogether.

DAY OF VENGEANCE #4

Could I follow the story?: Boy howdy, I could not really figure out what was going on here at all...

Was it fun?: ...and yet it didn't really matter, 'coz yes, this was big, noisy, bonbastic fun. The origin of Detective Chimp? Sign me up! Big giant Captain Marvel fighting colossal Spectre throughout the landscape? I'm in the front seat for that one. Blue Devil and Rook? I'm, so there! I have no idea what's goin' on here, no idea what happened next, and I don't really care. This was sorta anarchic comics in the vein of Rob Liefeld, but hey, it was big loud dumb fun to me.

Was it worth 20¢?: Oooooh yeah.

ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #640

Could I follow the story?: It's the kinda-end of a storyline that I didn't even know had been going on but it's easy to follow. Knowing all the characters always helps.

Was it fun?: Sorta. There's some really nice quiet characters bits in here I liked a lot, and the format is kinda clever and neat without being annoying: photographs, media reports, and surveillance of Superman takes up the top two-thirds of every page, and the ongoing storyline occupies a strip at the bottom. But the ending looks like something that's been building up a long time so coming in on the middle didn't have much impact for me, and the last page is kinda sour to me: definitely an un-fun revelation. (Doesn't the DCU have enough evil POTUSs?)

Was it worth 20¢?: Just barely.

So, in summary, Marshall has done the math: $54.50 worth of comics for two bucks. Out of twenty, eleven were well worth the twenty cents I paid for 'em. There's some kind of chart and graph Marshall is working up with my colored pencils and markers, but in the meantime I'll just say this: it was a great way to try a lot of different comics and get interested in some of them for just a little money. The biggest disappointment: four Fantastic Four stories that left a sour taste in my mouth. The biggest surprise: the Infinite Crisis books actually tickled me sense of fun.

Or, to put it another way:

Detective Chimp sitting on a sofa: 20¢.

Scary giant space villain trying to enslave Thanagar: 20¢.

The return of Tigorr: 20¢.

Blackfire being as villainous as she was the first time I saw her in New Teen Titans: 20¢.

Learning that the Infinite Crisis lead-in comics were a lot more fun that I ever expected? Priceless.

No lessons have been learned in the reading of these comic books.

FUTURAMA #23: This comic is fun. There's nothin' like a comic book story about evil twins! And this is nothing like a comic book story about evil twins! (Ha! Ha! Did you enjoy my little joke! Hmmm? ......................Didja? ............Hmmm? Hmmm?..........Oh, like you could do better!) Seriously, this may look like evil twins, but there's a twist even I didn't see coming! And I'm pretty savvy about comic plotlines in advance: f'rinstance, I knew, months before it happened, that Avengers: Disassembled was gonna stink. (Ha! That was another one. I'm tot'lly on a roll.) Anyway, more fun with Fry, Leela, Bender and company (with a big in-your-face Bender cover!), makin' me miss the cancelled TV series yet again, but fillin' a nice void with this story. What's more, FUTURAMA #23 features The Best Line of the Week: "Once Joss Whedon reads my online Buffy fan fiction novel, I know he'll want to go camping with me!"


SIMPSONS SUPER SPECTACULAR #2: This comic is fun. Here's more fun from the House of Bongo. This issue of the Simpsons-universe superhero title isn't as much fun as the first one, but it's still a highlight of this week. The first story is a kinda pedestrian Crisis on Three Earths crossover called "The League of Extraordinary Barts," but where this issue really shines is in the second story, Batton Lash's "Bongos," a parody of the comic series Marvels. Sure, Marvels is not the most fresh of parody topics, but nobody's done this in this way, and it's especially fun to see the Radioactive Man universe in a pseudo-photographic style. Fun stuff, even if a non-comics fan won't get a word of it.


FURY: PEACEMAKER #1: This comic is fun. Nick Fury: before S.H.I.E.L.D.*! Before the eye-patch! And, apparently, before the Howling Commandos! Garth Ennis has made a name for himself writing some fairly realistic and pretty darn good war comics in the last couple years. Now he puts Marvel's Sgt. Fury in the middle of one. Rather than fighting Baron Strucker and the Red Skull, Nick's heading a platoon in Tunisia in 1943 as the Afrika Corp bears down on them. There's a neat framing sequence that shows the foolproof plans the platoon trained for being shattered left and right, and I guess it's a good thing this book doesn't feature Dum-Dum Dugan, Gabe Jones and Pinky Pinkerton, 'coz Nick's platoon has about the same chance as a snowball in Tunisia. There's a great scene at the end of the issue where Nick faces off against a German Lieutenant General and we...and he...can't see how he's going to escape. The answer may, as Stan Lee used to say when he wrote Fury's adventures, shock and astound you! Seriously, this is good war comics in the vein of Joe Kubert and Robert Kanigher. It does kinda seem like one of Ellis's Vertigo war comics with Nick Fury shoehorned in, but I'll definitely be around for issue two to see what happens next. I bought this book because of my New Year's Resolution to Try Each Week to Pick Up One New Comic Title I Haven't Been Reading, and this week's choice of FURY #1 was definitely a good impulse.


X-FACTOR #3: This comic is fun. First off: when's the last time you saw an orange comic book cover? Pretty cool, huh? Well, I thought so. I like orange. Anyway, the fallout from a couple stories I didn't really wanna read ("House of M" and "Decimation") continues, with most of Mutant Town having lost their powers and bands of rampaging normal humans rioting in the streets. Time for Strong Guy to cut loose, M to dance in her bathrobe, and Layla Miller to do her thing, whatever the heck that is. I'm diggin' Peter David's new series: he clearly knows and enjoys these characters, his dialogue is sharp, realistic, and funny, and the ongoing storyline is compelling and makes me wanna come back for more, but I just have to say this: Enough with Layla Miller, already. The "I'm Layla Miller, I know things" joke is already pounded into the ground too many times, and she shows every sign of being plopped there as the series' resident deus ex machina. More to the point, PAD's trying to give her this whole River Tam spooky power chick vibe, and does the universe really need more than one River Tam? No, it does not.


JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #18: This comic is fun. Superman meets Space Cabby. Let me repeat that. Superman meets Space Cabby. This is not only fun, it's so brilliant I don't know why it hasn't been done before. This is a comic chock-full of oh, yeah! moments (amazing comics blogger Dave Campbell calls these moments something different, but I'm a little stuffed bull so I'll keep to "oh, yeah!"): Superman uses his super-breath; "It tickles!", and, oh yeah!: the cavalry arrives just in the nick of time! What's more, this comic avoids one of the problems I've had with previous issues of JLU: it doesn't end with a moral or a lesson learned of the sort that sometimes makes JLU read like an episode of G.I. Joe. No moral? No lessons? That's why JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #18 is the most fun comic of the week!


*Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage and Law-Enforcement Division.

Inspirational Comics Retailers 2006, Part 1

Remember when I wrote about Delusional Comic Book Retailers? Well, as opposed to buying comics from that guy and his card table, there's still definitely some bargains to be found in expensive, expensive Manhattan for a little stuffed bull who loves comics but only gets a small handful of dimes each week for his allowance. And here's the best part: I learned a business lesson that was worth much, much more than even the best comic book (even one at full price).

I stepped into Forbidden Planet down off Union Square earlier this month to get my week's worth of comic books, and was very pleasantly surprised to find that in addition to their usual shelf of very-well-worn but frequently great-priced hurt bargain books they also were stocking several shelves of recent comic books, each stickered 25¢. Twenty-five cents! You should have seen me perk up and get all excited at that bargain. Why, I don't know if I could ever imagine a comic book only costing 25¢! These were all very recent books too that it looked like they had overstocked: Marvels including House of M, Hulk, Marvel Knights 4, Daredevil, Exiles, Araña and more, lots of DCs with many of the Infinite Crisis crossover miniseries, Batgirl, Birds of Prey, Detective, Flash, Catwoman, Hawkman, plus a whole lotta independents: all from within the past few months, every floppy four-colored one of 'em two bits.

I gathered up a big stack of 'em and carted them off to the front register to pay for them with my weekly comics, where the very helpful guy at the counter pointed out to me I'd missed the sign above the comics: these were twenty for two dollars: so 20¢ each, not a quarter! He very kindly counted mine out and found I was one short of getting twenty, so I ran back, grabbed one more issue, and got out my two bucks to pay for 'em.

Now, I'm jus' a little stuffed bull filled with fluff, but even I know that Forbidden Planet isn't doing this just out of the goodness of their Doctor Who-lovin' hearts. As I think I have said before, I have helped John a lot with his job selling books to trade bookstores, and that's an industry where the books are returnable: if the bookstores don't sell 'em they can return them to the warehouse for credit, so there's very little risk in trying out a new title or a stack of 'em except that you tie up your capital for a while. The comic book industry is not like this.

(Bear with me here, folks: this is going to be kinda Comics Retailing 101--I know many of the people who read and write comics blogs already know this stuff, but I also know it's new to some Bully-fans out there.)

I repeat: The comic book industry is not like this. And I have to admit, I'm astonished that comic book stores stand for it sometimes. They must deal with one distributor: Diamond Comics, which is a monopoly in the comics industry. If Diamond doesn't ship what they need then there's no other place the comic book store can go to (unlike a trade book store, which can try the publisher or several different wholesalers in an attempt to get the books they want). Diamond sells their product non-returnable, so there's a lot greater risk on behalf of the comic book store owners and managers, especially on monthly products that they may have to have pre-bought the first several months before the first issue ever hits the stores. Why not order cautiously and re-order later? Because Diamond runs out of stock, the comic book companies seldom reprint, and Diamond charges 2% more for re-orders after your initial buy.

What does this mean for you and me, the comics fans and consumers? In a market that's not as large as New York, it could mean you're not seeing certain comics at all, especially small-press ones, because while the comic book shop might have customers for a small-press comic, they're much more likely to have copies leftover after that new comics week is over. Unsold, non-returnable comics means money lost for comic book stores, so they are less likely to order something different or unusual.

How does Diamond respond to this? In the trade book industry, you've got all sorts of incentives to buy and keep stock up, including backlist and frontlist discounted offers, extended dating (a longer period of time before you have to pay your bill), and marketing and co-op money made available for stores to promote or publicize books they like or feel they can sell. I'm not certain if Diamond has those options open, but I do know this: if Diamond does not receive pre-orders for a certain number of a comic book, they will not carry that book or make it available to comic book stores. Yikes! Talk about killing off small publishers in one swell foop! Not only is a small publisher lumbered with a wholesaler that makes it difficult and potentially dangerous for a store to risk trying their product, now Diamond actually makes it impossible for stores to buy certain small-press items, even if the store wants them!

So (you're asking) in what way, shape, 'n' form can this possibly qualify as an "inspirational comics retailer," as I titled this post. No, I'm not talking about Diamond (the Galactic Empire of book distributors), but about shops like Forbidden Planet that make lemons out of lemonade:

I told the clerk as he rang up my twenty comics for two buck that it was a great bargain, and thanks, but that I realized the section was made up on comic books Forbidden Planet had overordered on and were now stuck with (non-returnable, remember?) and that they could hardly make back their money sellin' 'em twenty for two bucks.

The clerk smiled and laughed, and said that sure, they were loss leaders...but better to get back a few bucks on a stack of comics than have them be worthless and not sell at all. And anyway, lots of people pick up the twenty cent comics, get hooked on the series, and come back to buy the regular, monthly series. We can convert some dead stock into potential future repeat business...

(And then he said...wait for it...)

Everybody wins.

"Everybody wins." Wow...that is an approach I would not have considered a comic book store to be considering when marking down useless stock and taking a loss on it. "Everybody wins." In a business where Diamond pretty much serves lemons with each and every shipment of comics, this store has taken them and not only made lemonade, they've made lemon Slushees and lemon meringue pie and lemondrops all in one.

"Everybody wins." Now, I realize this may have been a clerk talkin' through his hat--maybe in the back room the owner and manager are wringing their hands over the red ink in their balance books when they had to mark down their inventory to twenty cents an issue--but wow, that's a brilliant way to think about a deep-discount sale. Because I certainly do win: look at my stack of twenty cent comics! They win too, 'coz I'm certainly going to continue to shop there, spending my money on four dollar as well as twenty cent comics. And in that batch of twenty cent comics there were a few titles that I said to myself, "Self? This is a fun comic. You ought to read more issues of it." So I'll go back and spend more money. Next week. Week after that. Week after that.

I hope that game plan works out well for Forbidden Planet. I know all across the country there's some great comic book stores that are struggling to make ends meet in a tough market dealing with a tough distributor. Selling comics at a loss is no easy fix. You can even be cynical and say, sure, that’s easy for a big city store like Forbidden Planet to do: take the loss and smile about it, but it’s not so easy for a store in Topeka or Wayzata or Grover’s Mills. But my point is (and I do have one), that the good will and enthusiasm of that clerk, his helpfulness and cheer, make me wanna go back to Forbidden Planet week after week.

And that, folks, is an Inspirational Comics Retailer.

Okay, okay, another one...

Always remember:



Oh, like you've never thought the same thing.

The Dark Lincoln Saga

Of course, once Abraham Lincoln joins the X-Men, it's only a matter of time until, possessed by the spirit of the Phoenix, he goes mad and begins destroying the Marvel Universe:

Abe Lincoln can join the X-Men now!

From today's Yahoo News:

"Historians have long puzzled over whether Abraham Lincoln might have had a genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome, but new research has members of the beloved president's family tree wondering if his clumsy gait may actually have been caused by something else. Researchers at the University of Minnesota have discovered a gene mutation in 11 generations of relatives who descended from Lincoln's grandparents. The gene causes spinocerebellar ataxia type 5, a degenerative neurological disorder that affects coordination, including walking, writing, speaking and swallowing. There's a 25 percent chance that Lincoln also inherited the mutation, said Laura Ranum, a genetics professor who led the research."

She then went on to explain that Lincoln would now protect a world sworn to fear and hate him, and that yes, he was indeed the best he was at what he did.

All the cool kids are doing it

I know, I know...I haven't been keeping up on my blogging, and I'm a bad little stuffed bull (please don't scold me!) I'll come out of my busy busy life pretty darn soon to post all about these and other subjects: "Inspirational Comics Retailers 2006, Part One", "All in Color for Two Dimes, Parts (One and Two)", "What Was Fun in 2005 (Second Half Only)", "I'll Trade Ya For That," and "You Don't Tug on Superboy's Cape (Because He'll Rip Your Freakin' Arm Off)".

In the meantime, I figgered I'd better leap on the new comics meme bandwagon jussssssst as it starts to grind to a halt. Always ahead of the curve, ain't I? So, always remember:



He may come late to the party but he always has something to contribute: yet another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

Another reason Warren Ellis totally rocks your world

Hey, every comic I bought this week helps me keep my New Year's resolution to Try Each Week to Pick Up One New Comic Title I Haven't Been Reading!

THE THING #2 and 3: This comic is fun! Hey Bully!, you are likely to shout at me. "Hey is for horses!" I will shout back. But Bully, if this is Comics Oughta Be Fun, home of "Ben Grimm Totally Rocks," then why aren't you reading Dan Slott's new Thing series? Uh...uh...go away rude disembodied voice! Stop bothering me! Cos altho' I missed the first issue, and didn't pick up the second one when it came out, this week I bought two, count 'em, two issues of The Thing, and golly-wow, it sure is chock-full of Ben Grimm rockin' clobberin' time excitement! As y'all well know, I'm a big fan of Dan Slott's She-Hulk (well, except for the creepy cheesecake covers—even tho' I luv eating cheesecake at Junior's here in Brooklyn, I jus' plain don't like Greg Horn's cheesecake!). But that's not a problem with Ben Grimm. Even tho' he doesn't wear a shirt most of the time! Anyway, these are two action-packed, rollickin' adventure issues. Like in She-Hulk, Dan Slott knows a lot about the Marvel Universe and has a lot of fun working in popular and obscure Marvel characters (Nighthawk, Arcade, Iron Man, the Constrictor, and even Brynocki from Master of Kung Fu) without going completely over the top. The cliffhanger of #2 even features a whole horde o' Hulk robots! The plot's a roller coaster but there's still plenty of time for the traditional Grimm introspection. There's not many people who really "get" my favorite hero, Aunt Petunia's ever-lovin' blue-eyed nephew, but I think Ben is in good hands with Mister Slott.


NEXTWAVE #1: This comic is fun. How can I give away the award for The Best Line of the Week" to Mister Warren Ellis when very nearly every one of his lines in Nextwave #1 is the best line of the week? Really! Let's sample a few, shall we?

• "Hey, I'm from Brooklyn. I'm going to call myself Mr. Friendly? Hell, no. Captain %$@#^."
• "Every day I smoke two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drink a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine with dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat. The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In New Jersey!"
• "Silence, fleshy one."
• "When her mother died, she went to Hell, and is used as a bucket by giant weasels dressed as cheerleaders. And that's what happens when you tell your kids to get a proper job."
• "Fin Fang Foom! Has been burning with the need to mate since 1956! Fin Fang Foom! Has absolutely no genitals whatsoever! Fin Fang Foom! Oh, you cannot imagine how annoyed he is."
• "Hello, I am a tiny insignificant particle. Put down your guns or I'll bounce off you undetectably."
• "I shall kick you to death with slippers on, so it doesn't hurt so much."
• "I hate broccoli. Let's kill 'em."
• "Oh my God. It's wearing underpants."

And none of these lines make much sense outside of their own context, but inside the comic they're outrageous and milk-snorting funny. Put together a half-dozen abandoned and forgotten Marvel superhero characters into an over-the-top team run by Dirk Anger (he's that much more a man than Nick Fury). This is The Authority without the social conscience, in full-speed-ahead take-no-prisoners and make-no-plans action that's the equivalent of taking your old Marvel Secret Wars action figures and blowin' 'em up with firecrackers just cos it's cool to watch. If I had any quibbles it's that it's harder to justify that this over-the-top approach actually takes place in the Marvel Universe, but that's prob'bly less of a worry in the twenty-first century where various corners of personal continuity seem to have broken out (beginning with X-Statix)...now writers like Ellis can play with the Marvel universe toys in his own sandbox and nobody's going to get mad if his plots don't merge perfectly with this month's issue of New Avengers. It revels in the joy of its own anarchy and Ellis reminds us that hey, it's jus' a comic book: don't take it so serious, bub. Be warned: Nextwave is not for kids (and prob'bly not really for little stuffed bulls). I'm not even certain Nextwave is for adults. But hey! It's got the best letters page since Mike W. Barr had Katana send everyone home with the lungs in a bucket, and it's got Fin Fang Foom in it! And that, as well as a million other little pieces, is what makes NEXTWAVE #1 the most fun comic of the week!

Funny pirate joke

This one's for Cristin:

Q: What is a pirate's favorite fast-food restaurant?
A: Arrrrrrrby's.

The one-millionth time the "it's not easy being green" joke has been used in conjunction with a Hulk character

Hmm, not much to buy this week at the local comic book store. Just as well! I'm tryin' to save my dimes and not spend so much money on non-fun comics. But I couldn't let the newest issue of Dan Slott's She-Hulk pass me by:

SHE-HULK #4: This comic is fun...sorta. Don't get me wrong: I think She-Hulk is almost always a heckuva fun comic. It doesn't take itself seriously, but it doesn't resort to storyline cheats like John Byrne's fourth-wall-clobberin' She-Hulk did: there's a straight, driven narrative that only just happens to involve time travel, characters coming back from the dead, comic books acceptable as legal precedent (brilliant!), a lot of great cameos by the second-stringers of Marvel Comics, and Awesome Andy!. This one issue takes a swing into drama territory, however, as Jen doubts herself and her life as She-Hulk while helping out the victims of a She-Hulk rampage from an issue of Avengers that I don't think anybody even remembers now 'coz we're so poisoned by Disassembled. Anyway! There's a couple extremely unbelievable plotlines in here (No one has ever been killed, even accidentally, in a Hulk rampage? I'm not buying that!) and the ending leans a little too close to "if you believe in yourself you can do what needs to be done" that makes me snort through my little ringed nose in sniffs of derisive laughter. Plus, there's some awful printing errors in my copy that blur several pages under a mess of ink. But most of all, I really, really can't stand those awful Play-Doh-looking cheesecake pose Greg Horn covers to this series. Snap out of it, Marvel! Stop hiring this second-rate Alex Ross! Stop giving him work on what should be one of your fun, light series! Just say no to Greg Horn!

(trotting away)

(trotting back)

Oh yeah. I guess, for the She-Hulk, it's not easy being green.

(trotting away)

The only lesson we need to learn this week is: Wildcat does whatever the heck he wants, baby!

I'm finally catching up on a couple comics from last week! Were they worth the wait? Heck yeah!

JSA #81: This comic is fun. I dropped JSA a couple months back in the middle of all the dark, gloomy Infinite Crisis crossovers, but I had to pick this issue up. Why? Stargirl! My favorite JSAer...hmmm, is JSAer a word? Anyways...Stargirl is my favorite member of the Justice Society, even more so now that she's got Starman's cosmic rod (one of the single best designs of equipment and weaponry in the last ten years in superhero comics!) Despite some kind of confusing continuing Infinite Crisis subplots, this issue is even better than I expected as it ties in elements from Starman (The Shade guest stars and it takes place in Opal City!) and continues some of the plotlines from Stargirl's first series, Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E., which is a difficult title to type but which was a pretty fun comic book. There's some sadness and tragedy in this done-in-one story but despite the not-too-subtle "lessons learned" aspect of the ending, this is still a fun comic. In fact, it's the most fun comic of the week and it's got the Best Line of the Week: "What did I tell you about the language?" "Blame Wildcat." Hah! As Pal Dorian could tell you, you can't rein in Wildcat...the man does what he wants! Coz he's Wildcat, baby! Yeah!


JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #17: This comic is fun. Here's the thing I love best about the JLU comics: they have more respect for the DC Universe than the regular DC Universe comics. In the regular DC Universe, Sheyera Hol is dead in Rann-Thanagar War. In the JLU Universe, she's had a more full storyline than Superman. In the regular DC Universe, Vibe is a joke. And he's dead. In the JLU Universe, he's not only alive, he's front and center of his own issue. In the regular DC Universe, The Freedom Fighters are dead. In the JLU Universe, they're not only alive and starring in this issue, but they kick the JLU's butt! Boo-yah! What's more, they look great in the animated DC style. (I mean...Phantom Lady..gosh, I don't know what to say about Phantom Lady.) If I've got any complaint, it's my usual one about JLU: the wrap-up with "a lesson learned" about how important a hero is and how he needs to believe in himself. We've seen this same ending again and again in JLU and it begins to feel like the end of G.I. Joe or a segment of "The More You Know." Despite what I said about the ending of JSA above, don't be afraid to just give us an exciting issue without a moral at the end, DC! Morals! Who needs 'em?!?

Delusional Comics Retailers 2006, Part 1

Out in front of 500 Fifth Avenue as we now speak (well, actu'lly, as I now write and, if you are reading this right at the time I'm writing it, as you now read...), a man has set up a card table on the sidewalk and is selling bagged comic books.

His table is filled with mid-eighties to mid-nineties Marvels: late 200s Avengers, Thunderstrike-era Thor, assorted New Universe titles, Micronauts: The New Voyages...all priced at a delusional three or four bucks a badly-bagged pop.

The most outrageously wacky price-to-value ratio? Planet Terry #10, priced at five dollars.

If you're in midtown Manhattan and want it, better rush down and buy it pronto before he unloads it on a guileless tourist kid.

Index sticky: London 2005

Hi hi hi everyone! Or maybe I should say, hullo hullo hullo! It's me, Bully, here in London. If you're looking to keep up to date with my London adventures, this index page is the best place to start! It will show you my photo and blog updates and takes you to new stuff at the click of a mouse.

I'm having a wonderful time here. The only thing missing is you...yes, you! Now at least I know that you can keep up to date with my fun adventures in London. Enjoy!

Photos

• Day 1: From Covent Garden to Thai Food
• Day 2: Down the Jubilee Line and off to Regent Street
• Day 3: A Lovely Day in Kensington
• Day 4: Happy Christmas, Everyone!
• Day 5: A Walk in the Park
• Day 6: Marylebone High Street is Pretty Neat!
• Day 7: A whole lotsa Londony things
• Day 8: All Around London town
• Day 9: A Rainy Day in Richmond
• Day 10: It is a very cheering thing to come into London

Blogs

• 20 December, 9:36 PM: I'm off to London!
• 21 December, 10:01 PM: London! London! London!
• 22 December, 12:08 AM: London by night
• 22 December, 8:16 AM: A short but excellent first day in London.
• 22 December, 11:24 PM: Three thousand words about London.
• 23 December, 7:40 AM: Covent Garden is not a garden. The Churchill Arms are not arms.
• 23 December, 8:00 AM: Have you seen this penguin?
• 23 December, 1:47 PM: A friendly warning to American publishers following British trends
• 23 December, 2:59 PM: Mary, Mary, quite Stuarty.
• 23 December, 3:25 PM: The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots
• 23 December, 5:30 PM: My holiday snaps are back from the chemist's!
• 23 December, 8:05 PM: The sort of day a trainspotter could appreciate
• 24 December, 8:39 AM: More photos, more fun!
• 24 December, 4:39 PM: Do they know it's Christmas?
• 24 December, 7:15 PM: Now I know how many Christmas carols it takes to fill the Albert Hall
• 24 December, 8:49 PM: Father Christmas is coming tonight!
• 24 December, 10:44 PM: Photos: Christmas Eve in Kensington
• 25 December, 8:05 AM: Wishing all of my readers a Happy Christmas from London!
• 25 December, 4:56 PM: Olivia loves London, too.
• 25 December, 9:24 PM: Fa la la la la, Christmas photos
• 26 December, 10:04 PM: Boxing Day: it's not what you think it is.
• 26 December, 10:48 PM: Seeing my new photos is as easy as a walk in the park!
• 26 December, 11:40 PM: Requiem for a pub
• 27 December, 11:15 PM: The perfect day starts with snow and ends with Shakespeare
• 27 December, 11:29 PM: Photos: Marylebone High Street
• 27 December, 11:56 PM: Bully's British Book Club #1: Egg Bacon Chips & Beans
• 28 December, 8:12 AM: Where In London Is Marshall?
• 28 December, 8:33 PM: Winston Churchill didn't like staplers, and other fun facts I learned today
• 28 December, 9:21 PM: Gosh! Comic book stores in London oughta be...and are...fun!
• 29 December, 7:58 PM: All around the town
• 29 December, 10:11 PM: Bully's London Book Club #2: Attention All Shipping
• 29 December, 11:48 PM: Five, seven, then five/I review comics like that/Once more, with feeling
• 30 December, 11:53 PM: If I Were a Rich(mond) Bull
• 31 December, 9:12 AM: Tube Strike!
• 31 December, 5:01 PM: I'll be back...you can count on it.