Today in Comics History, January 1, 1918: Jenny Sparks must save the world in 82 years, and she's already wasted 18 smoking and drinking

Happy 18th out of 100 birthday, Jenny Sparks! Go out and ride on an omnibus or something.


from "Requiem" in Wildstorm 30th Anniversary Special #1 one-shot (DC, January 2023), script by Warren Ellis, pencils by Bryan Hitch, inks by Paul Neary, colors by Laura Martin, letters by Josh Reed

Today in Comics History, August 20, 1998: Virtual workspaces become even more cosmic

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #4 (WildStorm, November 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, August 12, 1989: "Over New York? No. I don't think I'll ever get over New York."

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #2 (WildStorm, September 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, June 3, 1992: Angry that Jupiter's Legacy is cancelled, Mark Millar pastes Midnighter to the wall

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #4 (WildStorm, November 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, January 1, 1943: And that's why they call it the Nazi Party

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #4 (WildStorm, November 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, January 1, 1913: Hitler is fired

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #4 (WildStorm, November 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, January 1, 1913: Happy birthday, Jenny Sparks!

Jenny Sparks celebrates her 13th birthday with a Knickerbocker Glory and a Camel!


from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #4 (WildStorm, November 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, December 30, 1999: The moon evolves mechanical tentacles, but it's far from the weirdest thing Warren Ellis writes today

from The Authority (1999 series) #10 (WildStorm, February 2000), script by Warren Ellis, pencils by Bryan Hitch, inks by Paul Neary, colors by Laura Depuy, letters by Ryan Cline

Today in Comics History, December 27, 1999: In Which I Fumble the Ball

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #1 (WildStorm, August 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, March 3, 1976: Battleship moves to space E-5

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #3 (WildStorm, October 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, February 24, 1976: Pinocchio is imprisoned in Lubyanka for crimes against crickets

from Secret History of the Authority: Hawksmoor #3 (WildStorm, July 2008); script by Mike Costa; pencils, inks, and colors by Fiona Staples; letters by Rob Leigh

Today in Comics History, February 12, 1992: Jeanne Constantine Still Won't Do Her Dirty Dishes

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #2 (WildStorm, September 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, December 31, 1999, New Year's Eve: Doctor Who fans are still trying to figure out how River Song's diary worked

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #5 (WildStorm, March 2001), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, December 30, 1919: Debut of the popular TV series Grant Morrison's Memetic Fifth-Dimensional Cloudcuckooland Hospital

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #5 (WildStorm, March 2001), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, December 28, 1919: The Penguin is ordered at gunpoint to attend Jenny Sparks' wedding

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #5 (WildStorm, March 2001), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, November 3, 1976: Fox News broadcasts its first report

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #3 (WildStorm, October 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Today in Comics History, February 15: Dawn of the Electric Dutch Cows

from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #1 (WildStorm, August 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil

Comics must, by nature or by force, be worthy of Doom!

Bah! Doom does not comprehend the fascination of these flimsy, overpriced, adolescent power fantasies have to you, unless it is to fuel some inferiority that all beings must feel given the existence of Doom. Nor do I comprehend the concept of "collectibility": while Doom admires and respects a thing of beauty, all items must serve an end and a purpose, whether 'tis to give a castle the regal splendor befitting its monarch, or to serve as a tool with which to destroy the accursed Richards and his foolish cohorts for all time. No purpose is served in storing items which have cost you money in small snug plastic bags and hiding them away that Doom can perceive, especially when you consider the cost of purchasing them on the weekly salary of such poorly paid lackey wages as you surely make. Doom considers comics are poor value for money.

Doom is also angered at the injustice shown to this man by the giant faceless corporations of the industry. He was one of the few men Doom respected enough to allow him to portray me, and he did so with the proper representation of power and regalness. I do not believe this man was afraid of me—his was the personality that suggested he was afraid of no man, Doom included—but I can respect such a man of honor, conviction, and intense skills.

Finally, Doom does not subscribe to the saying "Comics Oughta [sic] Be Fun." There is no true need for anything to be "fun," much less colored pieces of paper stapled together and distributed to the masses like some addictive narcotic. Doom instead demands you subscribe to the undeniable concept that comics must be worthy of Doom!

Let us examine this week's offerings and determine which comics shall fulfill this obligation and which shall fail.


52 WEEK 10: This comic is worthy of Doom. What better way to appease Doom than to offer him a comic upon which a hero falls to his certain death on the cover? Doom admits he does not recognize many of the characters in this so-called "funnybook," but the equal emphasis on the weak and pathetic "heroes" and the powerful and controlling force that some call villains makes this an Earth I would consider a challenge to visit—and conquer. Doom must give especial praise to the considerable space afforded to Black Adam, another international monarch who understands the needs of keeping a tight grip over his country. This Adam appears to be a formidable opponent, and forming an alliance with him at first to use him to my ends may prove beneficial to the Lord of Latveria. Doom was even compelled by the ending, with the promise of an all-powerful worm, and wishes, nay, demands that the next issue be in place in no more than one week's time, available at that gathering place of the great unwashed, the "comic book store." Doom will be waiting for you, 52 Week 11. This I promise.


A MAN CALLED KEV #1: This comic is worthy of Doom. Upon arrival in the place of business where the tiny bovine purchases these comics, Doom swept his gauntlet across the rack of gaudy pamphlets and demanded: "Bah! Show me a book that does not feature a simplistically moral 'hero.' Show me a book that demonstrates the folly of humanity and the righteousness of those in power. Show me a book the tiny bovine would have been afraid to buy; that would make him cower and shake in fear." The shop attendant handed me A Man Called Kev. While it is filled with the uttermost profanities and near-pornographic violence that its possession in Latveria would be cause for instant and justifiable punishment, this story interests Doom for displaying the greed and foolishness of a weak man and the whirlwind of violence he reaps from his mistakes, yet he does not fall into the trap, like the accursed Richards, of trying to do well to others. He is looking out merely for himself, which shall serve him well in his life and career. Doom is also pleased this seems to be the first "Kev" series without those odious guest-stars The Authority, whose appearances have been growing thin in previous series. Doom salutes you, Garth Ennis—you are a dangerous and violent man. Doom can respect that.


DOOM PATROL #18: This comic is not worthy of Doom. Doom has been tricked and betrayed by this comic; he purchased it based solely on its title and was later angered and infuriated that it has nothing whatsoever to do with me at all. Doom does not enjoy being tricked, and vengeance shall fall upon those responsible. I promise, that no more issues of this mockery of the name of Doom shall disgrace the industry—consider yourself, "Doom Patrol," in the parlance of your medium, canceled. Doom has spoken!


THE ESCAPISTS #1: This comic is both worthy, and at the same time unworthy, of Doom. Doom does not subscribe to the sort of "hero worship" bandied about as a theme of this book, and yet it is a story oddly compelling: a man who, despite the foolishness of those about him, works and strives to achieve his dream of total and complete authority over what he wishes. Doom admits a respect for that, as well as a clear and straightforward story with an interesting twist at the end. What Doom does not respect is the realization that he has read this story already in an issue of Michael Chabon Presents The Escapist; it is a reprint to remind Doom of what has happened already, wrapped up in a new gaudy cover by Frank Miller. One might argue that this book was a necessity to launch new stories in this series, and that it only costs one American dollar. Still, Doom did not realize this. Doom demands that if such japery is to be performed in the future, it be clearly marked with a sticker or balloon on the cover that says "Attention my Lord Doom: Contents are a reprint." Take this as warning, Brian K. Vaughan, Philip Bond, and you as well, Michael Chabon, else you learn the truth of an old Latverian proverb: "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, Doom shall destroy you—utterly destroy you."


THE SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN #28: This comic is worthy of Doom. Close your surprised jaw, lackey—you heard Doom correctly. Doom does not make mistakes in that manner. Yes, "this comic is worthy of Doom," despite the fact that it stars that upstart popinjay Spider-Man, one of the most constant and annoying thorns in the regal hand of Doom after the despised Richards. One example of this is Spider-Man's clear sense in adopting an armored costume of great power and versatility; no doubt he has learned his lesson in his many defeats at the hand of Doom that armor will protect his soft underbelly. Even more worthy of Doom, however, is the conceit that Spider-Man has "revealed" his secret identity as the photographer Peter Parker. Doom is greatly amused by and in admiration at this development and raises his chalice in respect to Spider-Man's clear but effective plan to draw attention away from what must be his true identity, for surely this milquetoast tool of the American media cannot be the insolent yet powerful opponent Doom has crossed swords with in the past. Surely this is part of a greater plan to distract and deceive the American public, and Spider-Man is to be commended with paying Parker to "admit" he is Spider-Man. Doom knows the truth, however—no man with the power and strength of the spider would be content to remain a faceless no one, a photographer and teacher struggling to support his trollop of a wife and his infirm and feeble aunt. The true Spider-Man knows and appreciates the meaning of power, and would not lower himself to such a life. His use of Parker as a distractionary pawn is to be commended, and I look with interest towards future stories to see in which manner this pawn must be sacrificed to serve Spider-Man's ends. I salute you, Spider-Man: you are more ruthless and clever than I gave you credit for.


ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #31: This comic is worthy of Doom. Zombies threaten the safety of the Baxter Building. The whelp Johnny Storm is infected with some debilitating disease. These elements alone would be enough to make Doom content, yet there is even more: in this issue, as should be in every issue, Doom is triumphant over Reed Richards. Is there indeed any other way a comic book should, nay, must end? Richards is broken and imprisoned within the scarred shell he himself inflicted upon me, and I am free and empowered in the body of Richards to destroy the Fantastic Four from within. It is not enough to defeat Richards either, at the end of the issue he is in tears, for I have completely and utterly humiliated him. Not for naught is this character justly named Ultimate Doom, for as he says in the best utterance by Doom of this week: "You told people that I'd made a mistake. You told them the accident was my miscalculation...and that, dear trash, was an insult to my honor." Doom applauds the new direction of this comic heartily and awards it the comic most worthy of Doom this week. Clearly we can look forward to dozens, nay, hundreds of succeeding issues in which Doom inflicts his vengeance monthly upon the Fantastic Four.


MARVEL ADVENTURES: FANTASTIC FOUR #14: This comic is not worthy of Doom. Doom vows vengeance upon the misbegotten creature who slipped this pathetic rag into Doom's pull bag this week. As I have just declared, Doom does not read these simplistic moral fables of his most hated enemies unless they display what is the one true and obvious conclusion: that Doom must and will triumph in every instance, and, barring the appearance of Doom, the Fantastic Four must run from danger like young swatted whelps with their tails between their legs. Doom especially did not find this tripe of the Fantastic Four battling the Grandmaster as fit for human reading—even the younger population for whom it is apparently intended. Instead, Doom suggests this profane piece of propaganda be ground up and fed to the pigs as swill, for that is all it is fit for, although those pigs shall surely vomit it up again. No respect is to be afforded the Grandmaster, either, whose deathtraps and conundrums for the accursed Four are clichéd, hackneyed, and unworthy of the machinations of a truly great mind such as Doom would use. Doom laughed heartily at the foolish Biblical paradox allusion that Richards used to defeat a computer. Were the Fantastic Four in the same situations they are in this magazine but under the thumb of Doom, their lifeless bodies would be even now paraded through the streets. Doom supposes he owes a debt of gratitude to the Grandmaster for allowing the Fantastic Four to believe they can escape from any deathtrap, for it will make their defeat at my own hand even more sweet. Yet Doom has naught but contempt for the Grandmaster, and upon the next time I rightfully reclaim the power cosmic from that glittering fool the Silver Surfer, this universal elder shall at last know the meaning of fear as Doom defeats first him, and then Richards. Despite the ending of this accursed comic book, I shall destroy you, Richards! Destroy you!

All in color for two dimes

If you remember this entry, I bought twenty comic books for two bucks at Forbidden Planet. That's a comic for twenty cents. Since most of 'em origi'nly cost $2.99, that''s a savings of...uh...um...well...that's a savings of a lot. (I'll get my baby sister to do the math for me later, 'kay?)

What's really important, like always, is whether or not these comics were fun! So I'm gonna review these toot-sweet, fast-fast, and grade 'em each on three points: could I follow the story even just buying one issue, were they fun or not, and were they worth 20¢. I don't wanna give away the startling shock ending of this blog entry but [SPOILER WARNING] some of these comics weren't even worth 20¢!!!

Let's get this party started!

EXILES #72:

Could I follow the story?: I've never read this series. I don't know much about the New Universe, which the characters visit. There's a good story synopsis on the first page, but I guess the question is more "do I care if I follow the story?" Answer: not really. I kinda just flipped through this one.

Was it fun?: Not really. It didn't seem to go anywhere. I think I missed the "glory years" of Exiles, if there were any. This doesn't look like it: it actually looks and reads more like the comics it's referencing, generic 1980s mid-list Marvel quickly-cancelled superhero titles.

Was it worth 20¢?: No.

HAWKMAN #46

Could I follow the story?: Not too much problem. It's a prelude to Rann-Thanagar War so reading that helped. Lotsa weird stuff going on here and I'm sure I missed some plot points, though. Good summary of what's going on in a single dialogue bubble on page one, by the way.

Was it fun?: Sure. Big winged guy with a mace hittin' stuff, always decent fun to read! A little too much reference to Identity Crisis though, which is never fun. But I even liked the OMACs in this, and I haven't picked up a single OMAC Project issue.

Was it worth 20¢?: Yes.

NYX #7

Could I follow the story?: Not really. Not for trying, though. There's a good summary of the first six issues on page one, but I think it was harder to follow because these are all characters I don't know.

Was it fun?: Not really. Sad, disillusioned teens having no fun at all with their superpowers. Nice art, though. Subtract points for that awful Nick Fury's Howling Commandos preview that really killed the book before it had even been published.

Was it worth 20¢?: Eh, just barely.

MARVEL KNIGHTS 4 #19-22

Could I follow the story?: No problem at all. #19-20 was a two-part story. #21 and #22 were both done-in-ones.

Was it fun?: Ehhhh. Weird. To me there is at heart no more fun than the Fantastic Four, but all four of these comics seemed to have a kinda sharp, dull, very cynical edge which doesn't fit well with what I like best about the FF: the over-the-top adventure and wonder. Gorgon seems horribly out of character in the first storyline (although there's some nice bits with Franklin Richards), and Sue Richards' "girls' night out" storyline in #21 is just horribly creepy when it gets into her flashback temptations with the Black Panther. (Nothing against the Black Panther. But she loves Reed!) And there's no superhero I love more than the Thing, so #22 shoulda been a no brainer. Instead it's a sad and spooky golem story with no real satisfaction to the end. Only high spot in these four issues was a nice Kirby impression in the flashback of #21. Who drew it? Probably Ron Frenz, but who knows? There's no credits or title in the story! Bad Marvel! Bad! Bad!

Was it worth 20¢?: Nope. Even Stan and Jack would be bored by these four issues.

CATWOMAN #43 and 45

Could I follow the story?: Sure, even though #43 was the last issue of a storyline and #45 part two of a new story. No summary page at the front, but Catwoman sums up what's goin' on so far in her internal monologue.

Was it fun?: I'm surprised to say yes. Together these issues had a lotta some things I don't really like in mainstream superhero comics: sexual innuendo, over-the-top brutal violence, pointless dream sequences, threatening helpless animals with violence, and most of all, Hush. (I really really don't like Hush.) But #43 had a nice "justice is served" ending and #45 had a great cliffhanger that act'lly makes me wanna seek out issue #46 and see what happened next.

Was it worth 20¢?: These two issues were purrrrfectly worth forty cents. Hee hee hee! That's a Catwoman pun. ... Oh, like you've never made one.

BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHTS #65

Could I follow the story?: Oh, heck no. No idea what was going on here. Poison Ivy lost her powers or something. Who knows?

Was it fun?: Ick. More Hush. And looks like a major character died at the end, but I don't even have to bet that that character will be back in a few months at the most. Nice cover, though.

Was it worth 20¢?: No.

BLACK WIDOW: THE THINGS THEY SAY ABOUT HER... #1

Could I follow the story?: Even tho' it was a #1 issue, not really! Too much depended on you having to have read the last Black Widow series.

Was it fun?: Not really. Too much sex talk and violence without any real forward movement of the story. (I blame Brian Michael Bendis for making stories popular in which nothing happens for several issues). Also, points subtracted for that awful, awful "Bod" ad popping up in my memory again.

Was it worth 20¢?: Heck no.

THE HIRE #4

Could I follow the story?: Sure, no problem. It's a done-in-one story even though it's issue four. I guess this book is an anthology.

Was it fun?: Yes! Mysterious chauffeur in a souped-up BMW helps a tycoon evade his killers, with an escape twist at the end. It reminded me of the movie The Transporter, but no cute Shu Qi in this one! The cartoony art was an odd choice for this story, though. Bonus points for a great one-page Hellboy merchandise advertisment at the back.

Was it worth 20¢?: Yes. Not bad for a comic that's basically a commercial for a car company.

THE AUTHORITY/LOBO: SPRING BREAK MASSACRE

Could I follow the story?: I dunno...John wouldn't let me read it! (He said "yes; it's a done-in-one.")

Was it fun?: John says "Nope! None of the nano-anarchy of an Authority story, too many dirty and over-the-top Lobo jokes. And if you can't make Jenny Quantum look cute, there's something very wrong with the artwork."

Was it worth 20¢?: John says "NO!"

RANN-THANAGAR WAR #2-6

Could I follow the story?: No real problem, even though I missed the first issue and there were a million characters to keep track of. Five issues in a row helped.

Was it fun?: Actually, to my surprise, yes! I've been pretty much avoiding Infinite Crisis crossovers but this one was a lead-in so it didn't seem like it was dependent on a lotta the stuff I've hated seeing happen in IC (even tho' I'm not buying that series). Some cool moments, good visuals for sweeping galactic events and plenty of favorite characters in here including the Prince Gavyn Starman and a neat final issue defeat-the-villain plan. Points off for the non-conclusion at the end of issue #6: I really do think miniseries should have a definite end and not just trail off into another story. (That's the same problem I had with the Power Girl storyline in JSA Classified).

Was it worth 20¢?: Five-sixths of a trade paperback for a buck, and I enjoyed the story. Well worth a buck altogether.

DAY OF VENGEANCE #4

Could I follow the story?: Boy howdy, I could not really figure out what was going on here at all...

Was it fun?: ...and yet it didn't really matter, 'coz yes, this was big, noisy, bonbastic fun. The origin of Detective Chimp? Sign me up! Big giant Captain Marvel fighting colossal Spectre throughout the landscape? I'm in the front seat for that one. Blue Devil and Rook? I'm, so there! I have no idea what's goin' on here, no idea what happened next, and I don't really care. This was sorta anarchic comics in the vein of Rob Liefeld, but hey, it was big loud dumb fun to me.

Was it worth 20¢?: Oooooh yeah.

ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #640

Could I follow the story?: It's the kinda-end of a storyline that I didn't even know had been going on but it's easy to follow. Knowing all the characters always helps.

Was it fun?: Sorta. There's some really nice quiet characters bits in here I liked a lot, and the format is kinda clever and neat without being annoying: photographs, media reports, and surveillance of Superman takes up the top two-thirds of every page, and the ongoing storyline occupies a strip at the bottom. But the ending looks like something that's been building up a long time so coming in on the middle didn't have much impact for me, and the last page is kinda sour to me: definitely an un-fun revelation. (Doesn't the DCU have enough evil POTUSs?)

Was it worth 20¢?: Just barely.

So, in summary, Marshall has done the math: $54.50 worth of comics for two bucks. Out of twenty, eleven were well worth the twenty cents I paid for 'em. There's some kind of chart and graph Marshall is working up with my colored pencils and markers, but in the meantime I'll just say this: it was a great way to try a lot of different comics and get interested in some of them for just a little money. The biggest disappointment: four Fantastic Four stories that left a sour taste in my mouth. The biggest surprise: the Infinite Crisis books actually tickled me sense of fun.

Or, to put it another way:

Detective Chimp sitting on a sofa: 20¢.

Scary giant space villain trying to enslave Thanagar: 20¢.

The return of Tigorr: 20¢.

Blackfire being as villainous as she was the first time I saw her in New Teen Titans: 20¢.

Learning that the Infinite Crisis lead-in comics were a lot more fun that I ever expected? Priceless.