Ten of a Kind: Arrrrr, Jim lad.

Ahoy, ye scurvy dogs! Today do be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, arrrr Jim lad. To celebrate, hoist yer cup o' grog and salute the cap'n and do be lookin' wit' yer one good eye at this 'ere Ten o' a Kind Extra:























And ye be a scurvy dog who be worthy of walkin' the plank if ye do not check out the amazing reconstruction of the best pirate comic book of all time: Tales of the Black Freighter: Marooned. Arrrr.

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

Great questions of comic book history: answered!

Throughout history, there are many great mysteries of the comic book world that have been answered one by one. Who inked Fantastic Four #1? Who is Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch's father? What is Wolverine's real name? Why is this chimp crying?

Who cares about any of those, when one of the greatest mysteries of the ages still remains unanswered: What does the 'S' on Jughead's shirt stand for?
Archie's Pal Jughead #57 (January 1960)

Well, after exhaustive research and a good deal of guesswork, we here at the Funnybook History Labs at Comics Oughta Be Fun have uncovered the answer to what that "S" stood for: After years of being tormented by Reggie Mantle for his counterculture views, his voracious appetite, and his total disinterest in girls, the teenaged Jughead's mind snapped and he grew up to become the supervillain Syndrome:


Later in life, of course, Jughead/Syndrome became the all-mighty Heat Miser:


The moral of the story? Don't tick off Mister Forsythe Jones, because whatever he touches, starts to melt in his clutches! He's too muches much!

Another moral? I have way too much time on my hands.

The Fearful Symmetry of Star Wars

It was Star Wars weekend here at Casa del Bull, which does not mean I spent my hard-earned dimes on the new Star Wars DVDs. I've got no beef with George Lucas re-releasing the movies in any way he wants as many times as he wants, but I've already got last year's Special Edition DVDs, so I have better things to spend my cold hard cash on than seeing Han shooting first or the Yub-Yub Song. In my little stuffed imagination, Han always shoots first. I don't have to spend another twenty bucks to remember that. (Nobody's swindlin' you by releasing these, folks...just put your wallet back in your pocket and walk away if you don't want 'em!)


A pleasant weekend spent with the new Lego Star Wars video game.



I did spend the weekend with a wiser purchase: my dimes were well spent on the new Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy video game, which is even more fun than the original. If you've ever wanted to see a Wookiee rip the arms off an Imperial Stormtrooper, cram a Stormtrooper helmet on Chewie's head, or rampage an AT-ST through Mos Eisley, this is the game for you! It captures the thrill and the fun of the films and adds a whimsical humor that is too-often missing from both video games and Star Wars spin-offs. Between these games and the Dark Tater and Spudtrooper toys, I'm happy to see someone at Lucasfilm licensing has a sense of humor. It's a hugely addictive game and gave me a little food for thought: its "chapters" dividing each film's events into special missions take the movies back to their roots of action serials and show how Lucas could have broken them up into cliffhanging "to be continued" serials, each with their own opening narrative crawl. I'm stuck now in the big room after the garbage compactor (I figured out how to leap up to the catwalk but not how to open the Stormtrooper-only door yet), but I'll be getting lots of hours of lightsaber-twirlin', AT-ST-trippin', stormtrooper-arm-poppin' fun out of this one.

Inspired by Mike Sterling's ruminations on upcoming Star Wars novels, I also spent a few hours reading Wikipedia entries on the movies and characters, which I would not recommend in a lengthy dose. The entries themselves are generally thorough and entertaining, but checking out the behind-the-scenes discussions makes me feel that no matter how much a little fanbull I am, I'm glad I am not online arguing about the proper way to cite the misspelling of Denis "Wedge Antilles" Lawson's credit in the end titles of The Empire Strikes Back.

But lookin' over some of the barely-concealed conspiracy theories behind a buncha fun adventure movies reminded me of two things I noticed about the two trilogies that I haven't seen discussed anywhere else on the internet. I know there's a bajillion fan sites and a mazillion essays on every aspect of Star Wars and my two theories might very well be completely obvious to anyone else, much like the theories of Miss Anne Elk. I'm sure I can't be the first one to have noticed it: that there are two vital elements of the two Star Wars trilogy that mirror each other in a symmetry that can't be coincidental.

1. The symmetry of the titles. All of fandom groaned a bit when Lucas announced the title of Episode I to be The Phantom Menace (and to a lesser extent for Episode II, Attack of the Clones), decrying them to be hokey and old-fashioned, too tied-up in the mystique of the science-fiction film serials that Lucas says inspired the saga. Everybody and his droid was suggesting alternate titles like The Balance of the Force and Weesa Run Way Fast Fast. I submit it to you that the titles of Episodes I, II and III are, while old-fashioned, absolutely perfect for the sequel trilogy because they are a dark mirror of the titles for Episodes IV, V, and VI.

I know what you're sayin': Dark mirror? Have you gone loopy, little stuffed bull? Are you in Bearded Spock territory here? No! No, I am not. Let's look at the titles of the prequel trilogy, each of which hold a dark mirror up to their counterpart in the original trilogy:

• A New Hope: An optimistic promise of better things to come, of a light dawning on the darkness, amorphous and undefined yet positive.
• The Phantom Menace: A dread portent of doom approaching, darkness falling over civilization, amorphous and undefined yet fearsome.

• The Empire Strikes Back: a mighty military force for the power of evil moves dramatically ("strikes": a strong action verb). The events suggested by the title directly strike against the events promised in the previous movie's title.
• Attack of the Clones: a mighty military force for the power of good (at least in that movie) moves dramatically ("attack": a strong action verb). The events suggested by the title directly strike against the events promised in the previous movie's title.

• Return of the Jedi: a group using the Force for good returns and is triumphant, fulfilling the promise inherent in the title of the trilogy's first movie.
• Revenge of the Sith: a group using the Force for evil returns and is triumphant, fulfilling the promise inherent in the title of the trilogy's first movie.

Scary, huh? But give George a little more credit in naming his prequel trilogy; I think that hokey titles aside, he knew exactly what he was doing: mirroring the movement from dark to light in the originals in the light-to-dark journey of the prequels.

2. The symmetry of the end scenes. You probably know 'em by heart: each of the six movies ends in an iconic scene, holding for the camera as John Williams's score soars dramatically and then sweeps into the end titles. And like the titles, the end scenes of IV and I, and V and II, mirror each other, blocked and shot in similar design:

The cast gathers on a stage of steps for a public celebration at the end of Episode IV:


And the cast of Episode I is posed in a similar scene to celebrate their triumph:

I admit to a slight cheat on the second two films in the trilogies, as the final scene from The Empire Strikes Back is of spaceships moving away into the stars, but it's immediately preceded by the hero and heroine of the trilogy, arm in arm, and their two droids, gazing off into an uncertain future:


As they do at the end of Episode II:


I realized those two symmetries in between the time Episodes II and III were released, which led me to believe, that since Episode VI, Return of the Jedi, ended like this:

...then Episode III would end with Palpatine, Vader, and a bunch of stormtroopers dancing and clapping among a heap of seared bodies of Jedi. Good old fashioned nightmare fuel, huh? Luckily, we didn't get the Empire Jamboree but rather this scene of Lars, Beru, and baby Luke gazing off into the Tatooine dusk:


...which actually mirrors instead a scene from the first fourth next Star Wars film:


...which is one of my favorite visual moments of Star Wars: no clunky Lucas dialogue, no screen crammed full of special effects: just dramatic lyrical music and a farm boy dreaming of adventure and excitement in the stars. We've all been there, and make fun of 'em or not, the Star Wars movies have brought us that excitement and adventure. It's kinda fashionable to bash Lucas, and complain about the changes, and look down on the prequels, but it's moments like the mirrors of titles and final scenes that remind me why I love these films: on so many levels they reward our love and appreciation of them, and while Lucas will never be regarded in the same breath as Howard Hawks or Orson Welles, the man did know how to entertain us. Long may the Star Wars saga thrill us all, and, like the TV commercials for the new DVDs remind us, may they inspire and enthrall the next generations of viewers and dreamers.

Oh heck, I'll say it. May the Force be with you.

Ten of a Kind: Seeing Red

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

Booster's back, baby!

War! What is it good for? (Absolutely nothin'!) Especially when Civil War wrecks havoc by burning Atlanta to the ground shuffling so many publication schedules that there's no Marvel Comics I wanna spend my dimes on this week, making it a light (but fun) purchase of two comics:

52 WEEK 19: This comic is fun. Hey, guess who's back? Dan Didio's worst nightmare, baby: Booster Gold! Well, sorta...Skeets is obviously intent on turning Booster's ancestor Daniel into the new BG, and there's a nifty "not everything you know is true" twist at the end which shows that Skeets has his (its?) own very definite agenda. Add to that a possible twist to the Supernova storyline that this little stuffed reader never even suspected and 52 is back on track throwing us mysteries that would have Ralph Dibny's nose a-twitching. I'm not entirely convinced about the suggestion of Supernova's secret in this issue (for one thing, I think his height has varied from issue to issue), but it's all done in a light-handed spirit that has me eager for the next issue. Plus, Starfire in Animal Man's shirt. She's still cute!


THE ESCAPISTS #3: This comic is fun. The Escapists both feels more fantastic and more realistic than most superhero comics (which it really isn't; it's really a comic about comics and the power of myth). Suspend your disbelief that the comic-within-the-comic becomes a massive smash hit (especially in this day and age) and you have one of the more charming adventure and love stories in the four-color format with a quirky elegance: bold, distinctive art by Steve Rolston and Jason Shawn Alexander (as I've said before, I love Philip Bond but this art team is jus' dandy), funny and realistic dialogue and a "da-da-da!" of a cliffhanger ending. (And yes, that Otis elevator hack is the real deal. If I could reach the buttons in an elevator, I'd try it myself.) Plus, the mildly politically-incorrect but still-funny Best Line of the Week: "Chief, my pencils are so tight, Katharine Hepburn could ink them." For all these reasons, and not simply because this little stuffed bull thinks Case Weaver is unbearably cute, THE ESCAPIST #3 is the most fun comic of the week!

What the Sam Scratch is goin' on here?!?

(Archie's Pal Jughead #14, October 1951)

Later, Jughead Jones was arraigned in Riverdale County Criminal Court and sentenced to five to ten years for involuntary manslaughter.

Also, even in the early fifties, Veronica dressed way trampier than Betty.

The Man in the Iron Mask

So, there I was, readin' the latest issue of Wizard...

I've lost you all already, haven't I?

...okay, I was reading a glossy periodical about superhero comics, which featured a special Wizard exclusive 7-page color preview of the upcoming, 2007 post-Civil War comic Mighty Avengers. Since apparently there's no comic book Marvel publishes that isn't worthy of being several comic books Marvel publishes, this is a spin-off and accompanying monthly title to New Avengers (which continues to be a disappointment to me merely for its ongoing lack of Mike Gambit and Purdey). Seriously, I don't imagine I'll be picking up Mighty Avengers, but I've got no ill will towards it, except for the probability that it'll keep Frank Cho away from the now-apparently once-yearly Liberty Meadows.

But what is an Avengers comic without a line-up of powerful iconic heroes mixed in with a handful of second-stringer fan favorites? Nothin', I tell you! Nothin'! And in the tradition of Cap's Kooky Quartet and that team where the Beast and Moondragon were the heavy hitters, the membership is made up of heroes likely to both please and cause severe shrugging across this land. When the call goes out for "Mighty Avengers Mightily Assemble!", answering the call will be the line-up of Ms. Marvel, Sentry, Wasp (yay!), Black Widow, Ares, Wonder Man (double yay!) and Iron Man.

One of these members surprised the stuffin' out of me. No, it's not Ares.

Says me: "What the Sam Scratch is Iron Man doin' on this team?"

Don't get me wrong. I'm a long-time Iron Fan. I was there for the dopey days when the Mandarin had a "M" on his chest. I remember the name of Tony Stark's yacht (Throatwarbler Mangrove). I read along when Tony was soused in rich, buttery, Kentucky bourbon, so fully proofed you could scratch and sniff the alcohol on the comics page. I read "Spores," for Pete's sake. But there's never been a darker time for our pal Tony than right now.

Okay, okay. "The Crossing" and Teen Tony. I was blanking it out of my mind, okay? But aside from that, there's never been a darker time for Tony than right now—his manipulations and machinations have pitted hero against hero, torn teams apart, forced friends to become enemies, and shuffled a publishing schedule so dramatically that there weren't even any Marvel comics in the stores this week when I walked in with my sackful of dimes. In other words, the more Civil War goes on, the more likely it looks that Tony Stark is moving beyond redemption, that he's going to take a major fall, that his oddly out-of-character but nevertheless current canon puppeteer status is going to bring him down low, preferably under the heel of a red boot with a metal shield pressed against his neck.

In other words, I don't see how Tony can continue to be a hero in the Marvel Universe for at least a while following Civil War. The interview with Brian Michael "Um...you know?" Bendis that accompanies the Wizard preview hints at that as well:

"Who says Tony lives after Civil War? Who says he hasn't bequeathed his armor to a new generation of hero? Who says it's not Cap in the armor?"

Interesting thought. Possibly misleading. But I don't think that's Tony. I don't think that's Cap. So who's behind the iron mask in Mighty Avengers? Let's take a look at the very little evidence we have so far. He's a bit of a wise-cracker:

Not so much a madcap jokester, by any means. But that exchange suggests a lighter, more jokey Iron Man. Someone who's used to joking during battle? Non sequiturs galore? Perhaps toning it down a little bit from the usual trademark tomfoolery? Hmmm. How about this:

New powers? Well, I'm not as up on recent Iron Man storylines as I should be, but certainly the repulsor ray technology is as ancient as Happy Hogan, and "full form" repulsor ray technology is something I think I've definitely seen before. So is it really new to Iron Man? I don't think so. But...might it be new to this Iron Man?

I'm going to guess now, and we won't find out for months, but you can bookmark this blog entry and check back in February 2007 to see if I'm anywhere close, or if you can laugh at me for being so gullible. Because I think that's a new hero in the Iron Man armor. I think we've seen this hero before, but not as Iron Man.

This isn't a spoiler warning, 'coz I'm just guessing. But stop reading now if you don't wanna see any guesses about this storyline.

...

...

... I think the new Iron Man is Peter Parker.

Here's what I think will happen at the end of Civil War: Tony Stark will be disgraced or in exile (I hope not dead!). He'll be either in hiding or on the run for a while. And Peter Parker, who recently gave up his secret identity, needs one. He knows how to work, move, and fight in Stark armor now. Whatever his feelings towards Tony at the end of the storyline, Stark has been a mentor, confidant and friend: the father figure Peter hasn't had since the death of Uncle Ben. I believe that however Civil War shakes out, Peter is going to feel he owes a debt to Tony Stark. And he will replace that by donning the red-and-gold, by redeeming the name of the Iron Avenger. He's a bit inexperienced at the power and intense strength of the armor, so it's a learning curve for him. Since he's keeping his ID as Iron Man secret (to protect the hopefully still-around Mary Jane and May), he's going to have to ramp down the wisecracks during battles. Despite his increased strength, he's more dependent on his teammates to aid him than ever before. What does this mean for the Spider-Man titles, you ask? My guess is...almost nothing. I don't think Marvel will try to replace Peter as Spider-Man. ("Again.") After Civil War, in my scenario, Pete's still Spider-Man too. Plenty of room to appear in umpteen Spidey titles monthly and still star in Mighty Avengers and Iron Man (if there is an Iron Man series after this). He's going to have to divide his life between the publicly known Spidey and the secret new Iron Man. And let's face it, doesn't the more complicated Peter Parker's life get, the more intriguing his adventures become?

I dunno. This is all an early guess based on a couple panels in a tiny preview. Next month we might see a preview of a post-Civil War cover featuring Spidey and Irony together. But until I've been proven wrong, I think it's an interesting and dramatic twist that—if it's only a finite storyline with a definite end in eventual sight—could be kinda fun. I've got some quibbles with Civil War but I'm actually enjoying the "Spider-Man: Unmasked" storylines and how Peter and Tony's friendship have led to this point. A little shake-up is good for what ails ya, and as I think history is proven, the toys don't necessarily need to be back in place by the time of next summer's movie, do they? (They never have yet, have they?)

But what do I know? I thought Monarch was Captain Atom.

Meet me back here in five or so months and let's find out, shall we?

(singing to myself as I wander away: "Iron Man, Iron Man, does whatever an Iron can...")

Go West.

I worried a bit about the legal aspect of it, then I took a gander at all the copyrighted material that's remixed and up on YouTube and had a second think. If Messrs. Tennant and Lowe or the Brothers Warner say "See and Dee," I'll happily wipe it off YouTube.

Peter Parker Totally Rocks, Too!

That whole pamcake thing?

Everything Sue Richards knows about making pamcakes, she learned from May Parker:


Whether buttermilk or wheat, they're the thing you love to eat. I think I'll have some right now! Pamcakes!

Ben Grimm Totally Rocks! Reason #13: Pancakes are involved.

I haven't done one of these in a while. So, without further ado:

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?

13. Not only is he polite and considerate of those cooking for him, he also enjoys one of the finest foods ever created in this mortal world: pamcakes!:


Panels from Fantastic Four #67 (October 1967), co-plot and script by Stan Lee, co-plot and pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Artie Simek

Long before another hero who totally rocks sunk his big choppers into pamcakes, Ben Grimm was chowing down and keeping up his amazing strength through the mighty alchemy of golden hotcakes, rich creamery butter and pure Vermont maple syrup. May we all have such high regard for the power of nature's perfect food: the pamcake. And now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

Want to know more reasons Ben Grimm totally rocks? Here ya go, true believer!

Seven and Seven and Seven.

1. I bought seven comics this past week.
2. I’m going to review them all, swiftly.
3. But in a very specific special way.
4. Each comic’ll be reviewed in seven lines.
5. Each line will have exactly seven words.
6. I’ll probably miscount at some odd point.
7. It’s harder counting to seven on hooves.

1. JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #25: This comic’s fun.
2. Blue Devil? Who doesn’t like him? Commies!
3. Doctor Fate’s in this story too. Cool!
4. But as usual, it falls into a cliché.
5. Somebody has to learn a life lesson.
6. Why’s that? Just because it’s for kids?
7. Still, more fun than Justice League #1.


1. DETECTIVE #823: This comic is sorta fun.
2. This one’s not as good as #822.
3. Isn’t Poison Ivy dead? Gotham Knights #65?
4. Really embarrassing cheesecake art is kinda creepy.
5. It looks a bit like tentacle rape.
6. (Not that I know what that is.)
7. Still, I like Batman better than pre-Crisis.


1. FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDER-MAN #12: This is fun.
2. Dueling Mysterios cause big trouble for Spidey.
3. Plus Flash actually acts heroic for once.
4. “You want acting, go get Tobey Maguire.”
5. ”I should’ve dressed up like a bat.”
6. (Silly, but best lines of the week!)
7. Creepy, spooky cliffhanger! I'll buy number thirteen!


1. AMERICAN SPLENDOR #1: This comic is fun.
2. John usually won’t let me read Vertigo.
3. He made an exception for Harvey Pekar.
4. It’s got both funny and sad slice-of-life stories.
5. Harvey’s cranky but he tells great tales.
6. Excellent black and white art throughout, too.
7. Hey, my copy’s signed by Dean Haspiel!


1. 52 WEEK 18: This comic is fun.
2. But I still have a few complaints.
3. Please stop writing Montoya as a caricature!
4. Why would an ex-cop be so self-destructive?
5. Surely she’s had to shoot people before.
6. But it’s nice seeing stories come together.
7. And Booster’s funeral? Sad. Guy didn’t come?


1. BATTLER BRITTON #3: This comic is fun.
2. Solid hearty war comics! A good thing.
3. Ennis proves he can write PG, too.
4. War is hell. Even up in planes.
5. This reminds me of Kubert war comics.
6. Solid art and action; I’m enjoying this.
7. Plus, I learned what “pranged” means: destroyed.


1. AGENTS OF ATLAS #2: This comic? Fun!
2. A comic with a talking gorilla? Yes!!
3. Good solid mystery, excellent recap of #1.
4. The most fun comic of the week.
5. But gosh, Venus! Put some clothes on.
6. If I could blush, I probably would.
7. (Black and white and red all over.)

More fun from the world of book publishing.

From the Booklist review of Brad Meltzer's new thriller novel, The Book of Fate:

From his first novel, The Tenth Justice (1997), through his sixth, Identity Crisis (2005), Meltzer has served up exciting thrillers that take readers behind the scenes of American politics. The pattern doesn't change this time. Like the television series The West Wing, Meltzer's novels focus on the political people the public never sees and tells the stories we never hear.

So, Booklist, what you're saying is...?:

Cause and effect in the exciting world of publishing.

A couple interestingly-juxtaposed news items on Book Standard:

Remember.

Remember the 2,996.

What's Distracting Patricia?

Confused? Befuddled? Flummoxed? Check it out here.