Hank Pym did a bad, bad thing

Is anybody in any doubt about where tonight's post is set?

So, cats and kittens, let's roll on through the desert and up Route 15 into fabulous Las Vegas: Sin City! Glitter Gulch! The Entertainment Capital of the World! The City of Lights! The Venice of the Desert! Franksinatraville! Gateway to Adventure! City with a Past! City with a Future! And tonight...City with Hank Pym and Janet van Dyne!


Panel from Avengers v.3 #71/486 (November 2003), script by Geoff Johns, pencils by Steve Sadowski, inks by Andrew Currie, colors by Chris Sotomayor, letters by Rus Wooten

Now, I've gotta warn ya...tonight's post may not be suitable for all audiences. (But I sure like it, you betcha!) It is, in fact, a frank and intimate examination of Hank Pym in an adult situation, using his shrinky-dink powers not for the betterment of society but for his own pleasure and benefit...why, if we can shrink down to the size of that panel above, we'll find out that even Janet van Dyne objects to Hank's anty-actions! Scandalous!



Yikes! This scene ain't fit for man (you) nor beef (me)! Why, the Shrimpy Scientist Supreme himself is bragging about what he's about to do. Won't someone think of the ant children?!?



Look away! Look away! Look away!

Eh, what the heck, let's peer in on Hank and see how he's misusing his power. Get you high-powered binoculars and take a steamy gawking gander! (Not you, sonny, this one's a little too hot for ya!) Yes, it's that incident...


Panel from Avengers v.1 #48 (January 1968), script by Roy Thomas, pencils and inks by George Tuska, letters by Artie Simek

Yes...it's the issue where Hank Pym cheats at roulette using ant ringers.

This scandalous adult situation is no doubt brought on by one of Pym's crazy schemes to rob a casino belonging to a villain. So here he is at fabulous Kingpin Kasino, putting into action part 19 of his simple, easy-to-follow, can't fail 78-stage plan. Meanwhile, Janet van Dyne distracts the Kingpin and his henchman Princepin by leaning over the table in a Balenciaga dress cut low to show off her décolletage (I wasn't allowed to look that word up, but I think it means sunglasses). And, behind the scenes, the other nine members of Pym's Eleven (Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Black Knight, Victor "The Vision" Shade, Rick Jones, Jarvis, Ant-Boy, and Larva-Girl) crack safes, shimmy down walls, drink martinis, play the piano, pose elegantly, and listen to lounge music.

Also helping Hank on his Robin Hood crime spree? Ants and plenty of 'em! But I'm guessing they don't get a cut.

I don't claim to understand Pym's elaborate plan myself, but it seems to revolve around trying to be inconspicuous in yellow and blue spandex, all while carrying roulette ball (a half-inch to five-eighths diameter, according to my Vegas bookies). Which, judging from this picture, makes Ant-Man a little over three inches high, which...sorry to say, ain't that inconspicuous.



Well, nobody ever said Henry Pym was a scientific genius.

So, there ya go...Hank Pym bein' bad. What? You thought I was talking about something else? About a different issue of the Avengers where Hank and Jan were in Vegas doing naughty, naughty things?

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously, people, don't bring your heroes down to this level. I don't care what you think, the Avengers are a high-minded, civil bunch whose behavior is always aon the up-and-up and never suspect or morally questionable. After all, these are the Avengers we're talking about. Isn't that right, Hawkeye?

Panels from Avengers v.3 #84/499 (August 2004), script by Chuck Austen, pencils and inks by Scott Kolins, colors by Chris Sotomayor, letters by Albert Deschesne

Oh, for cryin' out loud.

Oh well. Dance us off, Ann-Margrock!