Bully's birthday and the center of Superman's universe

Today is my birthday! I am six years old today. Which is a very good age to be.

Happy birthday to me! As a special treat today, John took me into Manhattan to see the real Superman Returns (following my embarrassing error of yesterday) and it was quite the best birthday treat a little stuffed bull could have. As I am only celebrating my sixth birthday today, of course I could not have seen the original Superman on the big screen on opening night in 1979, but John was there of course and told me this new sequel to the two original films made him feel like a little kid again from the moment that familiar "da-da-da-da!" Superman march theme came over the THX speakers.

Enough people in the comics blogosphere have reviewed this film in full so well, so I shan't in length aside from commenting on two things that caught my attention:

1. Like the original Superman, Superman Returns featured some fantastic scenes of high adventure superhero-style (the space plane rescue had me at the edge of my seat!). If there was any mild disappointment it was that there were not enough of this sort of scene in the movie: I did want to see Superman performing more super-feats. Like the original movie, he lifts and strains and rescues but we never see him throw a punch. And that's what leaves me even more eager for the sequel: if Bryan Singer follows the pattern and produces as fantastic a knock-down punch-out spectacle as Superman II in Superman Continues to Return, why that will be the best movie ever!

2. A little more mature thought than just "punching stuff is cool" now—after all, I am six and it is time to put childish things behind me. (Except for comics. And Lego.) One of the things I liked best about this movie was that it gave us back, in a lyrical and moving portrayal, something that is such a vital part of the Superman mythology in our minds but which we do not actually see anymore: the pain of Clark's love for and his distance from Lois. Think about it: it's a cliché, but one of the greatest elements of Superman is that his necessary double life keeps him from the woman he loves. But we don't get that element in modern Superman comics (I'm not arguing with that; I like Lois and Clark to be married in DC Universe continuity). We don't see it in what is arguably the best Superman reprint comics this year: The Showcase Presents: Superman paperbacks, because those are chock-full of Superman actively keeping Lois at a distance and in some cases cruelly tricking or punishing her for being a little snoopy-pants. These stories are fun to read, but that ain't true romance, oh no. The Superman animated series had some clever and sweet Front Page flirtations going on between Clark and Lois, but little of the sad distance that Clark felt. We really haven't seen this theme since the early years of the Lois and Clark TV series and the post-Crisis Superman comics—yet this theme of heartbreak and longing is as essential and familiar to the Superman mythos as a bald guy hoisting a big green glowing rock. I liked that Lois's new boyfriend was brave and generous and not a jerk; that would have been a hackneyed way to paint him. (And hey, after losing in the character interest stakes to Hugh Jackman for three movies straight, it was nice to see James Marsden actually get the girl for once). I'm hoping this theme is developed and continued in Superman Keeps on Returning Again, because sure, I wanna see Superman hit things. But I also wanna see him find that the one true center of his universe is not an exploded green planet, but a spunky prize-winning reporter.

My Superman Returns review

Today I went to see Superman Returns, and after scurrying through the legs of the crowds of people to get to my theatre in the massive and confusing AMC Empire 25 Cineplex, I was so excited to settle into my seat in my giant bucket of popcorn and await that familar red and blue logo appearing on the screen. I know all of you have been eagerly waiting to hear what a little stuffed bull has to say about the superhero spectacular of the summer. Well, to be honest, it was pretty good but not as fantastic as I had imagined it would be. The dialogue was indeed sparkling and witty and I found myself laughing out loud several times at the antics of professional journalists. Anne Hathaway was especially cute and made an ideal Lois Lane, and while Meryl Streep is not my first choice for Lex Luthor, she had the proper amount of menace and gave off a scary evil vibe of control and obsession that is not only reminiscent of Gene Hackman, is actually is more stylish. I admit to being disappointed that she refused to shave her head for the role, however.

Where I was disappointed was in the lack of many of the elements I thought would be carried over from the original film and the startling updates. Instead of working for the Daily Planet, Lois appeared to be working for a fashion magazine in this new Superman movie, and Perry White was nowhere to be seen. It was a bit odd to see Lex Luthor obsessed not with land grab scams or destroying Superman but instead Lex's major plot seems to be just badgering and bullying (excuse the phrase) the employees. Now that I think about it, you know, I didn't really hear John Williams's familiar Superman march theme blaring triumphantly, or spot any kryptonite, or...hmm...you know, I can't actually remember seeing Superman. Maybe he was moving too fast to be seen. It is an interesting and risky new tact to take for a Superman movie, but I guess these major directors know what they are doing. All I would have done different was...

Hey! Wait a minute!

(re-checks my ticket stub)

Curse you, AMC Empire 25 Cineplex!

If you don't buy at least three of these comics, you are the one killing the industry.

RUNAWAYS #17: This comic is fun! Twists, turns, returned teammates, doubted loyalties, exploding summer homes, and a terribly, terribly frightening cliffhanger that threatens the future of my favorite Runaway...is this comic the soap opera of the Marvel Universe or what? When I say that, that's a good thing—Runaways consistently and continuously blends a solid mix of action, humor, realistic kid dialogue and teen angst. It is, in many ways, the perfect example of a "gateway" comic: appealing young characters, a kids-versus-adults plot, danger, humor and love that would be the perfect first comic for young adults and teens to be introduced to the world of superhero comics. Why isn't Marvel actively marketing it to that target market more heavily? Why isn't this comic selling a hundred thousand a month? Why must I lament every month that this comic, great as it is, is Marvel's biggest missed opportunity since their failure to promote Ultimate Spider-Man to a school-age audience? All of it adds up to a comic that's good enough to eat! (Warning: do not actually eat comic.)


BART SIMPSON #30: This comic is fun. You've got to love a comic whose cover riffs on Yellow Submarine (even though there's no corresponding story inside!) As usual, Bongo fills this comic with multiple (three) stories for a cavalcade anthology of fun and and impudence to authority. The first, and standout story, appealed to be the most: everyone in Springfield gets hooked on reading the Harry Potter Larry Snotter books, and Bart must put an end to the reading frenzy to save his favorite entertainment medium, television! It's a story that's a little out of date—it would have been more pointed and popular two or three years ago when the last Potter book came out—but that's a delay easily forgiven not only because the Simpsons weather topical references well but also because, as I'm a little stuffed bull working in the publishing industry, I especially enjoyed the jokes about books! It even gives us The Best Line of the Week: "Can we go to the bookstore, Dad?" "Not until you finish your television!" So, in the words of Krusty the Klown, "Give a hoot! Read a book!" Or even Bart Simpson #30!


X-FACTOR #8: This comic is fun. Or, as I like to call it, it's Quicksilver-ific! Back in the original X-Factor, Peter David wrote one of the best characterizations of the Fastest Man Alive (in the Marvel Universe), so it's a treat to see him return to writing Pietro if only as a guest-star. The cover shouts at us that it's a Civil War tie-in, but this story (which really should have been titled "Waiting for Pietro") is really one more in the never-ending "House of M" epilogues as the mystery of M-Day deepens. Even in the midst of tossing off patented PAD glib one-liners, X-Factor continues to doubt the "official" mystery of the loss of mutants' powers. I think they are abs'lutely right to be suspicious of Cyclops and what he's not telling us? You should never trust a guy when you can't see the reds of his eyes. Plus a Spider-Man appearance, Siryn gets ready to rumble with Wolverine, and Doctor Malcolm Modern! All this and Jamie Madrox: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.*! Next issue, an appearance by the Astonishing X-Men. Ehhh. Let's hope Peter David doesn't get fed up with the crossovers this time and leave just when this comic is becoming indispensable.


52 WEEK 8: This comic is fun...sorta. Last week's first stumble in the weekly maxiseries continues this ish with a handful of plot devices that chug the story along but which are fairly unbelievable, contrived, and unconvincing—a rough spot in the natural and realistic progression 52 has taken in its first couple months. I'm still not buying the double-dealing of Booster Gold: adding to his public downfall last week Booster threatens, trash-talks, and just generally hands out tickets for the wolf to Clark Kent. Um, Booster, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger, and you don't tug on the journalistic abilities of Clark Kent. More serious is the labored set-up of miscommunication between John Henry Irons and Natasha—so clichéd that the whole plot depends on them not talking and communicating their difficulties, but it's done in such a heavy-handed way that it might as well be an episode of Three's Company. And am I dreaming, or is Star Brand now a DC Universe character? I'm just confused and a little disappointed by this issue, and hope it'll pick up a bit in week nine.


BRAVE NEW WORLD: This comic is crunchy, cheesy, cheap and delicious. I could spend a lot of time dissecting this dollar comic which is basic'ly an advertisement for six forthcoming DC Universe superheroes titles all wrapped up in a framing sequence that gives us the return of a popular DC character from the mid-eighties, but let me use this anal'gy, okay? Brave New World is Taco Bell's Crunchwrap Supreme in comic book form. Have I lost you with my clever anal'gy? Consider this: six savory and tasty ingredients in a deep fried crunchy wraparound shell. Sure, some people don't care much for tomatoes or nacho cheese or the Martian Manhunter, but it's cheap and filling and even if you forget that you ate or read it an hour later at least Blue Beetle didn't get his brains blown out in detail at the end. (Warning: Blue Beetle reference does not apply to Crunchwrap Supreme.) I liked and will check out the Atom and Martian Manhunter series, had no real interest in OMAC or The Creeper, am interested enough in Shazam to peek at the series, and was freaked out enough by plastic-looking new Phantom Lady to avoid the Uncle Sam series by a wide margin. Sure, it's an advertisement-slash-junk food. But it only costs a buck and it's 80 pages. That's a Silver Age-style bargain if I ever heard one. Taco sauce is not included.


NEXTWAVE #6: This comic is fun. It's just basically one big long fight scene with kicks and explosions and force beams and face slams with shovels, without much dialogue but heavy on the homicide crabs. And there's nothing wrong with that! It's over the top and anarchic and juvenile and oh-so-fun. You can't blame me for giggling like a loon reading Nextwave, and if you are not picking up this book, then the terrorists win.


SERGIO ARAGONÈS: SOLO: This comic is fun. MAD's manic Mexican master takes the Solo spotlight in this soon-to-be-captured sequel and gives us not only the most fun comic of the week but which will surely be on my year-end list of The Most Fun Comics of 2006! Really. I'm scolding you for not picking up Runaways and Nextwave, but if you didn't buy, read, and love Solo this week, turn in your comics fan badge: you're not allowed to read comics anymore! Brave New World may be 100 pages for a dollar, but Solo (48 pages for $4.99) is more comics enjoyment per page than any comics published this week. Or month. I'm especially fond of Sergio's confessional "I Killed Marty Feldman," but every story is a delight— gag stories, a twist-ending western, a samurai epic, a lesson in how victors write history, an autobiographical saga of Sergio's job search in New York, and one of the most entertaining Batman stories I've read this year: you've got to love a Batman villain called the Plumber whose henchmen have their pants tugged down their butts. Haw! Haw! Haw! This one goes on the shelf where I can get at it when I want it, not tucked away in the longbox. And that, fun comics fans, is the highest praise I can give a comic: I will want to read it again and again.



*Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage and Logistics Directorate.

Department of Missed Opportunities

Sure, we're all enjoying DC's weekly megaseries 52. It's clever and self-referential and rewards careful reading by long-term DC fans.

But what a missed opportunity it was to not caption this shot from this week's 52



as "Meanwhile, at Stately Kane Manor..."

Jimmy Olsen's finest hour

ETERNALS #1: This comic is fun. Beautiful artwork by the always-talented John Romita Jr. with the eloquent writing of Neil Gaiman give what would be just another mid-level Marvel miniseries sparkle and cachet. It's an interesting and new approach for Jack Kirby's bombastic Eternals (if not a totally new idea altogether in superhero comics): Makkari of the Eternals has forgotten his powers and his former life and, as physician Mark Curry, lives a life of quiet desperation haunted by dreams of giant Celestials. (Hey, if you're going to have a story about the truth in dreams, who better to write it than Neil Gaiman?) If you've never read Jack Kirby's original Eternals, you won't be lost, because there's a dandy multi-page summary of the mythology and history of the Eternals in the second half of the book. And who doesn't enjoy seeing Sersi as a modern girl party planner and Sprite as a kid TV star? Communists and Deviants, that's who! It's not great art, and it's far from Gaiman's finest work, but it's fun and compelling, and I'll definitely be picking up the rest of the miniseries if it's as strong as this first issue.


52 WEEK 7: This comic is fun. Starfire spaces out. Montoya visits an old lover. Booster gets busted. And speakin' of Kirby, is that a big ol' Kirby Apokoliptan guy on the final page? I'm enjoying how this series is spinning various threads together into a tapestry of the post-Crisis DC Universe: grim and gritty, bold and bombastic, galactic and godly, all in one. The more cynical of you will be bagging this comic away in the hopes it will increase in value because it's the first appearance of the future Batwoman, but hey, do yourself a favor and read the thing, especially as bad things are happening to Booster left and right here, and the poop is really hitting the fan in his attempts to seize the future. Booster's veering dangerously close to being arrested for crimes and conspiracy here, which ain't' gonna endear him to his NASCAR-style sponsors. How's it all gonna turn out? Who knows? The joy is, I only have to wait seven short days to get the next installment. Hoo hah! Who says we're not living in the Mighty DC Age of Weekly Comics?


UNCANNY X-MEN ANNUAL #1: This comic is not fun. First of all: put some clothes on, Miss Ororo. I know you're a goddess an' all in Africa, but between this and the cover of recent Black Panthers, we're almost seein' more of you than T'Challa's gonna see on the wedding night. (You are waiting for the wedding night, Miss Ororo, aren't you? Miss Ororo? Miss Ororo?) Anyway, this is something about Storm searching for her family in Africa and running afoul of political insurrectionists. Meanwhile, something similar is happening to the X-Men across country or someplace else, I'm not really certain. Marvel Girl and Psylocke both think at things a lot and Nightcrawler bamfs a bit and some other X-Men do stuff, and really, the confusing factor hasn't ramped down any since Claremont left, has it? Whatever happened to the good old days when an annual, even an X-Men annual, would be a simple clear solid done-in-one like "Nightcrawler's Inferno" or even the goofily-titled "Ooh La La, Badoon!" (And for that matter, why is this X-Men Annual #1?) I haven't read Uncanny X-Men in quite some time and thought an annual might be a good chance to read a story that wasn't mired in contemporary continuity, so I chose this as my Pick Up One New Comic Title I Haven't Been Reading book for the week, but there's nothing in here that's bringing me back to my once-favorite mutants. I wish you all the best in your upcoming wedding, Miss Ororo, and I hope you enjoy the toaster I'm sending you. But your comic isn't much fun anymore.


ALL STAR SUPERMAN #4: This comic is fun. Grant Morrison not only "gets" the Silver Age, and all those silly and goofy Jimmy Olsen stories that made no sense but still have a place of fondness in our cold, cold, fanboy hearts—but he can update those Silver Age stories without ripping them off and with bringing them into nanotechnological twenty-first century. At the heart of it, the plot's the same as a Silver Age issue of Jimmy Olsen: Jimmy's in trouble and has to rely on his wits, skills, and knowledge of "What would Superman do" to escape, but what if it's Superman he has to fight against? And yes, Morrison and Quitely even get in the stock Silver Age Jimmy Olsen in drag motif. This comic continues to be a caffeinated roller-coaster ride, and Morrison doesn't forget the fun, awe, joy and even the basic silliness of superhero comics in his revisioning of the Man of Steel for our cynical age. Plus, Black Kryptonite, haiku, the signal watch, "Frankenstein on Ice," Lucy Lane, and Mister Quintum's rainbow coat...all this and Doomsday! (I'll even totally forgive Morrison for the very-British "gas mark five" exclamation coming out of the mouth of the ultimate Kansas farm boy.) But cool concepts and updated icons don't make a comic great or even fun: what sets Morrison ahead of the pack once again is his understanding of the love and fondness we have for these characters and they have for each other, so evident in The Best Line of the Week: "Don't let anybody see him like this!", as Jimmy passionately protects an injured and battered Superman. Jimmy, in this issue you've completely proven that you're totally worthy of the title "Superman's Pal." That's why ALL STAR SUPERMAN #4 is the most fun comic of the week—not just because it's a great comic, but because it reminds us that the best comics make us care about the characters.

Fun with Comics: You have to admire the typography here for Rasher's logo

cover of Beano Comic Library (1982 series) #62 (c. 1984), artist uncredited and unknown

Your choice in viewing

Running right now, Sunday morning, simultaneously on two HBO channels on the big digital cable box:

Channel 202, HBO-2: Batman Begins (3 stars, 2005): Bruce Wayne becomes Gotham City's Dark Knight. Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman.

Channel 204, HBO Family: Batman & Robin (1.5 stars, 1997) The dynamic duo returns to take on an icy villain. George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Chris O'Donnell, Alicia Silverstone.

I cannot say this clearly enough: make your choice in HBO viewing wisely.

To me, my X-Men!

I realized this about X-Men: The Last Stand:

It marks the first screen appearance of all of Stan and Jack's X-Men:
Although I had a pretty good idea of where the movie was going even before I stepped in the theatre and bought my popcorn, inside my little stuffed heart, I kind of hoped that meant we might end the film with Professor X sitting alone in his study in his wheelchair, lifting his head and thought-broadcasting: "To me, my X-Men!

And running in through the door, flying in through the window, bounding in from the corridor, riding an iceslide into the study would be the five original X-Men, gathered around their mentor and leader.

I'm pleased with the movie and where it went. And I realize the movie isn't made solely to please little fanbulls with a love of the comic. You can't just cater to the fan market; you're not gonna get a $100 million plus opening weekend by slavish copying of the original.

But in the Hypertime movieplex of my mind, there exists a "What If" X-Men: The Last Stand, where that scene exists on film, before it dramatically swoops out, the words Based on the characters created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby appear in big big letters, and then end credits roll over bombastic music...

Who's in your League?

I'm pleased as punch, chuffed as a chicken, and just all-around tickled pink that Wildstorm is bringing out a new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen graphic novel from Misters Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill this November (yes, Alan, I know you're not happy with DC, but I'll buy this and I'll buy 'em when they come out from Top Shelf, 'kay? Deal? Please don't put that wizard hex on me!)

I'm 'specially intrigued that the new story's gonna take place in a different time period than the rip-roaring Victorian era of the originals:

England in the mid 1950s is not the same as it was....Now, after many years, the still youthful Mina Murray and a rejuvenated Allan Quaterman return and are in search of some answers...

Which got me to thinkin': Which famous literary and pop culture characters from the 1950s will make special guest appearances in this one? I'd like to see James Bond, Holden Caulfield, Wilbur and Charlotte, Jim Dixon, Ralph and Piggy, Fowler and Pyle. It's not really a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen without a new Invisible Man, so why not Ralph Ellison's? Criminal masterminds? None more dastardly than Hercules Grytpype-Thynne and Count Jim Moriarty! (And hey, do you think Moore can resist sneakin' in a cameo by Micky Moran?)

Whoever he puts in the mix, Alan Moore knows the score. But that got me scratchin' my little stuffed head and thinking...if I were putting together a modern-day League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, who would I include?

A few ground rules first, because it's easy to overpopulate a twenty-first century league with superhumans and adventure characters. As Moore himself points out, the adventure character wasn't invented in the Victorian Age, but it was certainly the Renaissance of fantastic literature and led to the explosion of the Golden Age of Superheroes. In this day and age following the rise of the adventure and comic heroes of the 1930s, it would be child's play to put together a kickass League of, oh, let's say, Batman, Captain America, Doc Savage, Zorro, Electra Woman and Nacho Libre.

But I'm gonna play fair. I'm gonna pick most of my modern-day league draft choices (and alternates) from non-superhero literature, and I'm going to place them within the heroic archetypes that together make up a interesting, caustic, effective and controversial League.

First up: The Leader. There are all sortsa leaders, but in my league I want a solid but quiet man of adventure and action whose glory days are behind him due to age or infirmity, but who still finds himself battling bad guys single-handed—literally. In my book—and in the books of mystery master Dick Francis—that's got to be Sid Halley, moody but driven jockey turned private investigator after his hand is crippled in a gruesome steeple chasing accident. He's only one of two characters Francis has ever written multiple novels about (the other is young, more cheerful jockey Kit Fielding), and we're rewarded for it with the growth and evolution of Sid throughout the novels from Odds Against to Whip Hand to Coming to Grief and the new Dick Francis mystery coming out in the Fall of 2006, Under Orders. Sid's a grey man in a grey world who has accepted but never completely adjusted to the loss not only of his hand but of the joy and thrill of racing, and while the adrenaline he finds in chasing crime is no replacement, it's a start. Sid did some of his best work with cheerful and cocky sidekick Chico Barnes, so despite being a loner, he's an excellent if reluctant choice to lead the team and hold our League together. (A few alternate draft choices for the role: Spenser, Elvis Cole, Thomas Magnum.)

The Rogue: Every team needs a resident con-man, a wise-cracking connection to the underground, a lecher whose head is turned by a beautiful woman, a shady but chipper can-do character with the ability to get anything in a few hours (legal or illegal) and an encyclopedic knowledge of his various specialties. Put Jonathan Gash's art forger Lovejoy in this position: no friendship or alliance comes before his quest for the beauties of art and antiques, not for monetary gain, but for the sheer appreciation of craftsmanship and skill (and the desire to keep true art out of the hands of charlatans who don't appreciate it). He's got an ultra-keen mind and a sharp attention to detail, as well as being an expert forger and plotter—ideal for his role as the League's loose cannon. I've illustrated this section with a photo of TV Lovejoy Ian McShane, but don't mistake the roguish but loveable TV version of Lovejoy for the real thing: while McShane's portrayal of Lovejoy was fun and faceted, that ain't quite the real Lovejoy, who would swindle his best friends and pilfer the Louvre of its greatest treasure (leaving behind a perfect forged replica, of course), bed a friend's wife, and leave his partners and teammates behind in the pub while he motors away with his prizes. The literary Lovejoy even has a minor superpower the TV one didn't: the instinctive ability to tell if an antique or art object is real or forged by the chimes it rings in his body. Lovejoy's a solid addition to the League, but he's only got one man's goals in mind: his own. (Alternate draft choices: Danny Ocean, Sergeant Ernie Bilko)

The Muscle: You know every team needs one: the guy who's not afraid to get his hands dirty, who can make your problems go away if you turn your head and plug your ears, who knows where the bodies are buried and who buried 'em (him). He's not evil—he's a force of nature. If he's disciplined and on the side of the angels (although you'll never really know what side he's on), there's no one you'd rather have by your side. That's Hawk from Robert Parker's Spenser novels: a deadly master of armed and unarmed combat, a broad tower of strength and power, above the law but not above his own code of honor and duty: you are either with him or against him. Hawk's strong and quiet but not silent; if you know him he can disarm you as easily with a sharp grin and a wise word as he can by breaking your gun hand. If he misses his target, that's not what he was aiming at. At no time, ever, will he not look dangerous. There're few other people in his life that Hawk will swear his allegiance, skills, and life to: Spenser and Susan Silverman. To get him to join the League would be tough...but well worth having this man on your side; you don't want him against you. (Alternate draft choices: Tony Soprano, Joe Pike, O-Ren Ishii)

The Woman of Mystery: She's smart. She's savvy. She's every bit the equal of a man, but because she's a woman, she's gotta work hard to prove it every day. She's Hermione Granger of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and even though she's just a teenager, she can turn you into a newt if you blink the wrong way at her. There's no more faithful and fierce teammate you want by your side, and she falls easily into a team dynamic; happy to not be the leader but scornful of foolish choices made by the men trying to order her about. In your darkest moment she'll figure out a way to get out of a predicament, and it's because she's got good old-fashioned book learnin' on her side. When you're fighting in a world of literary characters, what better power to have? (Alternate draft choices: Modesty Blaise, Beatrix Kiddo, Jessica Fletcher)

The Guy with a Boat: Every team needs one. Okay, okay, just because you're sitting there counting off on your fingers the number of teams that didn't have a guy with a boat...look, The Avengers didn't have a guy with a boat, and look what happened to them. Know why the Justice League broke up? They had a swimming guy, but no guy with a boat (nb: for purposes of argument, please ignore the Bat-Boat). The X-Men had a guy with a boat: remember Peter Corbeau? Sure you do. That's how the X-Men got to be the #1 name in team-action entertainment, baby! If you need to get from one place to another—and every international crimefighting team does—you need a guy with a boat. That boat's name is the Belafonte, and that guy's name is Captain Steve Zissou. He's an internationally famous oceanographer who is at home only on the sea. He battles sharks, rescues stranded snow mongooses, tackles ocean pirates, and faithfully subscribes to the "no man left behind" policy, even if that man left behind is his bond company stooge. He may not be the brains of Team Zissou, but no one can deny that he's the Steve. (Alternate choices: Skipper Jonas Grumby, Lt. Cdr. Quinton McHale, Captain Merrill Stubing, Captain Marko Ramius).

Whew! That's one mighty League, and I didn't even get a chance to fit in Easy Rawlins, Encyclopedia Brown, Denny Crane, Michael Corleone, Bridget Jones, Detective Lennie Briscoe, Norville Rogers, Arkady Renko, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Artemis Fowl, John Rebus, Dewey Finn, Veronica Sawyer, Alfie Elkins, Saffron Monsoon, Major Boothroyd, Arthur Dent, Clarice Starling, Samantha Jones, Sheriff Andy Taylor, Patrick Bateman, Marshall Flinkman, Ron Burgundy, Daisy Duke, Ennis Del Mar, Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries, Nick Naylor, Jim Phelps, Nelson Muntz, Owen Meany, or Stephanie Plum!

Oh well, maybe in the sequel.

Who's in your League?

Addition on 8/16/06: The follow-up, with many more Leagues suggested in the comments

Ten glimpses at 52 Week 4

Let's look at 52 Week 4, shall we?


Cover: Hey, who knew Lara Croft was a DC Universe character?


Cover: I really like the chapter teasers at the bottom of each cover. It puts me in mind of old books that used to have a different descriptive header at the top of each page (see, for example, early Moomin books by Tove Jansson) or (a more comics-oriented antecedent) the chain of chapter headers in each issue of "Brief Lives" in Sandman.


Page 2: Hooray! Halo's back! I may be the only person who actually is a Halo fan (especially for the early, Aparo-drawn Batman and the Outsiders issues...loved that black-and-multicolored costume). Hey, speaking of "Brief Lives," why's she talking like Delirium? (And it might be just me, but doesn't she look like she's drawn by Mike Allred? Maybe a little around the eyes?)


Page 4: A little something for the gentlemen...


...and for the ladies. Never let it be said that DC's not an equal-opportunity fan-service provider.


Page 6: The Best Line of the Week!


Page 18: I know nothing about medicine, but despite this series taking place in "real time," how much you wanna bet that Montoya's broken arm heals much faster than it should in real life?


Page 18: Doncha love how we as fans can look at an illustration of a piece of technology and instantly define it as "Kirby Tech?" That's an amazing tribute to the influence of the man: his inanimate objects have inspired an entire style of illustration.


Page 20: Is the perspective just really screwed up on this panel or is Hawkgirl thirty feet tall? Yikes.


Page 20: A nice bookend to the chapter teaser words on the cover is the silent "next issue" panels of 52. It reminds me of another very effective silent teaser: the first season "Next week" teasers on The Sopranos, which relied on imagery and visual elements to compel you to check in again next week. One of my favorite parts of 52.

Adventures in Bullhattan: Papa? Is that you, Papa?

(14th Street and 9th Avenue)

"Leaves of three, let them be. Leaves of four, eat some more."

From an article in today's Yahoo News:

Study: Global Warming Boosts Poison Ivy

WASHINGTON—Another reason to worry about global warming: more and itchier poison ivy. The noxious vine grows faster and bigger as carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere rise, researchers report Monday.

And a CO2-driven vine also produces more of its rash-causing chemical, urushiol, conclude experiments conducted in a forest at Duke University where scientists increased carbon-dioxide levels to those expected in 2050.

Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas — a chemical that traps heat similar to the way a greenhouse does — that's considered a major contributor to global warming. Greenhouse gases have been steadily increasing in the atmosphere since the Industrial Revolution...

"The fertilization effect of rising CO2 on poison ivy...and the shift toward a more allergenic form of urushiol have important implications for the future health of both humans and forests," the study concludes.

That's funny. All along I thought it was Harley who boosted Poison Ivy:


Still, if global warming makes Ivy stronger, you know that that means:

Ra's Al Ghul versus Poison Ivy smackdown 12-issue crossover series!

Ben Grimm Totally Rocks! Reason #12

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?

12. He's a veteran, and respects and salutes America's fighting men and women every day, but especially on Memorial Day...


What's more, he also enjoys a relaxing, fun-filled, Memorial Day off at the beach with his friends and family:


Today, take a moment to remember those who have fought for America through the years (it's not just Steve Rogers, pal), but also take the time to have a get-together and cookout with your family and loved ones to remind yourself what America is all about. And don't forget that now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

(Reason #1-3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 )

Ten of a Kind: I read the news today, oh boy

(More Ten of a Kind here.)