- I'm not done, and I won't be 'til my head falls off
- A Good Head Off Your Shoulders
- (And there's lots more Ten of a Kind here!)
Sunday, January 12, 2020
The Uncanny Return of Ten of a Kind: You Knocked My Block Off!
More Real Facts: Are you ready for the world of tomorrow?
Panel from "The Rocket Lanes of Tomorrow" in Real Fact Comics #1 (March-April 1946); script, pencils, and inks by Joe Simon and Kirby Kirby; letters by Howard Ferguson
Well, that didn't happen.
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Just the facts, Batman
Did You Know™ that DC comic book stories are always one of the following: an Imaginary Story, a Dream, a Hoax, a "Just Imagine...", or a Blot of Undigested Mustard. Important fact: there has as of yet been no concrete evidence found that any stories published by DC Comics are a "What If." So, basically they're all just made up, right? Remember this, the Prime Directive of the DC Universe?:
Panel portion from Superman (1939 series) #423 (September 1986), script by Alan Moore, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Pérez, color by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Todd Klein
And we all know how that one turned out for Superman.
On the other hand, DC Comics has published some comics with real facts in 'em. For example, the aptly titled...Real Fact Comics! Let's take a look at a random issue, chosen completely by chance without any agenda whatsoever...say, totally unplanned...Real Fact Comics #5.
Cover of Real Fact Comics #5 (November-December 1946), Batman and Robin inset: pencils by Jack Burnley, inks by Win Mortimer
Whoa, that "Real" is doin' a lotta heavy lifting in that title, don'tcha think? Also: the word "Facts" is stretching it a bit. I'm inclined to allow them the word "Comics" in it, though, because that's what the lead story in this issue is all about: comics! Also, lies and recriminations. Prepare to get your j'accusing gloves on as we present...
Panel from "The True Story of Batman and Robin! How a Big-Time Comic is Born!" in Real Facts Comics #5 (November-December 1946); script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Win Mortimer
This introductory panel raises a lotta questions. One of them is "Was Bob Kane inspired by the tiny Batman and Robin mites who would occasionally appear on his drawing table?" Also, "Why are Robin and the lady from the first panel of the comic strip attacking Batman?" And: "Why didn't Kane leave enough room for the letterer?" All of this, plus his snazzy lip gloss, lead me to believe that Bob Kane may be tellin' more than a few porkies in the story. Let's fact check it as we go along.
Fact check: Bob Kane (or his mother) did not design the Batman suit. It was Bill Finger, now rightly officially named as Batman's co-creator (although I'd argue for an "and" in the "created by" byline instead of the "with." See here, Wikipedia pals.)
Fact check: Was Bob Kane's Batman actually "authentic based on scientific facts?"
Panels from the story unofficially titled "Batman vs. the Vampire" in Detective Comics (1937 series) #32 (October 1939); script by Gardner Fox; pencils and figure inks and sole credit for the story by Bob Kane; background inks and letters by Sheldon Moldoff
Oh yes, the indisputable scientific fact of vampires. To be fair, this is a story written not by Kane but by Gardner Fox, and is a few stories into the Batman canon, but I'm gonna blame Bob Kane anyway, if not for this, then for that giant glass bell jar for gassing hamsters in Batman's first appearance.
Panels from "The Case of the Chemical Syndicate" in Detective Comics (1937 series) #27 (May 1939); script by Bill Finger; pencils, inks, and letters by Bob Kane
Wow, that one guy really hated small rodents. Anyway, look! Bob Kane is designing the Batmobile and the Batplane!
Fact check: Bob Kane and Bill Finger created the Batmobile and Batplane.
Fact check: The Joker was created by Bill Finger, Bob Kane, and Jerry Robinson. And, I wanna say, Cesar Romero, but that's only the Paint-Over-Your-Mustache Joker so popular in the 1960s.
Fact check: The Penguin was created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane.
I suppose, though, it's not fair to hold up this Bob Kane-centric hagiography as "Real Fact," because if it weren't, theywouldn't publish that title on the cover wouldn't have put all these other "Real Facts" in the magazine. From some of the other stories in Real Fact Comics #5:
Panels from "Just Imagine — If the Oceans Dry Up!" in Real Fact Comics #5, pencils and inks by Virgil Finlay
Um, okay, that one might be a fact in say, 2022. Next: remember when cowboy radio and movie star Tom Mix was literally killed by the Grim Reaper?
Panels from "Tom Mix, Greatest Cowboy of Them All!" in Real Fact Comics #5; script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Ed Smalle (?)
And altho' it's more or less a human possibility, I find it difficult to believe that focusing on a foot-long ruler will teach you to you recite the Gettysburg Address*. (*Little Stuffed Bull's assertion does not apply to "Gettysburg Address on a Ruler," available at the Gettysburg Museum Store.)
Panels from "Mental Marvel"; script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Nat Edson
WHAT THE SAM SCRATCH KINDA REAL FACTS ARE THESE, DC?!?:
Panels from "What's Wrong" in Real Facts #5, pencils and inks by Jon Small
What's wrong with those pictures of famous comic heroes? If you answered "Dover and Clover," you are correct. They were never famous.
In fact, just about the most factual story in the issue involves animals going to the theater to see Cats. Even though the cats are bi-pedal, can speak and reason, live in cities, have a sophisticated system of money and exchange, and appear nude on stage while other animals wear clothes...well, the facts about cats are pretty accurate, if elementary. Check it out for yourself. Can you spot the Jellicle Cat?
Panels from "Know Your Animals: The Cat"; pencils and inks by Otto Feuer (?)
That's just pretty darn cute. I wonder if they ever did a story about cows.
Well, that pretty much punctures all the "Real Facts" this comic book promised to tell us, especially about Bob Kane. Except for one small exception:
Well, whaddaya know? Bob Kane really was inspired by the tiny Batman and Robin mites who would occasionally appear on his drawing table!
Panel portion from Superman (1939 series) #423 (September 1986), script by Alan Moore, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Pérez, color by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Todd Klein
And we all know how that one turned out for Superman.
On the other hand, DC Comics has published some comics with real facts in 'em. For example, the aptly titled...Real Fact Comics! Let's take a look at a random issue, chosen completely by chance without any agenda whatsoever...say, totally unplanned...Real Fact Comics #5.
Cover of Real Fact Comics #5 (November-December 1946), Batman and Robin inset: pencils by Jack Burnley, inks by Win Mortimer
Whoa, that "Real" is doin' a lotta heavy lifting in that title, don'tcha think? Also: the word "Facts" is stretching it a bit. I'm inclined to allow them the word "Comics" in it, though, because that's what the lead story in this issue is all about: comics! Also, lies and recriminations. Prepare to get your j'accusing gloves on as we present...
Panel from "The True Story of Batman and Robin! How a Big-Time Comic is Born!" in Real Facts Comics #5 (November-December 1946); script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Win Mortimer
This introductory panel raises a lotta questions. One of them is "Was Bob Kane inspired by the tiny Batman and Robin mites who would occasionally appear on his drawing table?" Also, "Why are Robin and the lady from the first panel of the comic strip attacking Batman?" And: "Why didn't Kane leave enough room for the letterer?" All of this, plus his snazzy lip gloss, lead me to believe that Bob Kane may be tellin' more than a few porkies in the story. Let's fact check it as we go along.
Fact check: Bob Kane (or his mother) did not design the Batman suit. It was Bill Finger, now rightly officially named as Batman's co-creator (although I'd argue for an "and" in the "created by" byline instead of the "with." See here, Wikipedia pals.)
Fact check: Was Bob Kane's Batman actually "authentic based on scientific facts?"
Panels from the story unofficially titled "Batman vs. the Vampire" in Detective Comics (1937 series) #32 (October 1939); script by Gardner Fox; pencils and figure inks and sole credit for the story by Bob Kane; background inks and letters by Sheldon Moldoff
Oh yes, the indisputable scientific fact of vampires. To be fair, this is a story written not by Kane but by Gardner Fox, and is a few stories into the Batman canon, but I'm gonna blame Bob Kane anyway, if not for this, then for that giant glass bell jar for gassing hamsters in Batman's first appearance.
Panels from "The Case of the Chemical Syndicate" in Detective Comics (1937 series) #27 (May 1939); script by Bill Finger; pencils, inks, and letters by Bob Kane
Wow, that one guy really hated small rodents. Anyway, look! Bob Kane is designing the Batmobile and the Batplane!
Fact check: Bob Kane and Bill Finger created the Batmobile and Batplane.
Fact check: The Joker was created by Bill Finger, Bob Kane, and Jerry Robinson. And, I wanna say, Cesar Romero, but that's only the Paint-Over-Your-Mustache Joker so popular in the 1960s.
Fact check: The Penguin was created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane.
I suppose, though, it's not fair to hold up this Bob Kane-centric hagiography as "Real Fact," because if it weren't, they
Panels from "Just Imagine — If the Oceans Dry Up!" in Real Fact Comics #5, pencils and inks by Virgil Finlay
Um, okay, that one might be a fact in say, 2022. Next: remember when cowboy radio and movie star Tom Mix was literally killed by the Grim Reaper?
Panels from "Tom Mix, Greatest Cowboy of Them All!" in Real Fact Comics #5; script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Ed Smalle (?)
And altho' it's more or less a human possibility, I find it difficult to believe that focusing on a foot-long ruler will teach you to you recite the Gettysburg Address*. (*Little Stuffed Bull's assertion does not apply to "Gettysburg Address on a Ruler," available at the Gettysburg Museum Store.)
Panels from "Mental Marvel"; script by Jack Schiff, Mort Weisinger, and Bernie Breslauer; pencils and inks by Nat Edson
WHAT THE SAM SCRATCH KINDA REAL FACTS ARE THESE, DC?!?:
Panels from "What's Wrong" in Real Facts #5, pencils and inks by Jon Small
What's wrong with those pictures of famous comic heroes? If you answered "Dover and Clover," you are correct. They were never famous.
In fact, just about the most factual story in the issue involves animals going to the theater to see Cats. Even though the cats are bi-pedal, can speak and reason, live in cities, have a sophisticated system of money and exchange, and appear nude on stage while other animals wear clothes...well, the facts about cats are pretty accurate, if elementary. Check it out for yourself. Can you spot the Jellicle Cat?
Panels from "Know Your Animals: The Cat"; pencils and inks by Otto Feuer (?)
That's just pretty darn cute. I wonder if they ever did a story about cows.
Well, that pretty much punctures all the "Real Facts" this comic book promised to tell us, especially about Bob Kane. Except for one small exception:
Well, whaddaya know? Bob Kane really was inspired by the tiny Batman and Robin mites who would occasionally appear on his drawing table!
Thursday, January 02, 2020
Today in Comics History, January 2, 1988: Superhero team The Uncanny Car-Exploders makes their debut
from Psi-Force #19 (Marvel/New Universe, May 1988), script by Fabian Nicieza, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Tony DeZuniga, colors by Greg Wright, letters by Rick Parker
Today in Comics History, January 2, 2019: Lois Lane forced to write promo puff piece for terrible miniseries
from Heroes in Crisis #4 (DC, March 2019), script by Tom King, pencils and inks by Clay Mann, colors by Tomeu Morey, letters by Clayton Cowles
Wednesday, January 01, 2020
The year is 2020 / And in the club, Love4OneAnother*
Say, practiced pop culture professionals, what's the common factor between
Cover of COPS #1 (August 1988), pencils by Pat Broderick, inks by Dennis Janke
and
and
and
?
No? Any takers? You, the guy in the third row? No? Well, here's another clue for you all:
YES FOR PETE'S SAKE PEOPLE, especially you the guy in the third row: these all take place in the Year 2020! And, coincidentally enough, so do we!
2020! As I hinted earlier today, it's not only a good lens prescription, it's also a futuristic year of excitement, adventure, and most of all, contentment and world peace! I'm sure you walked down the streets today and experience this kind of Utopia:
Panels from Iron Man 2020 one-shot (June 1994); co-plot and script by Walt Simonson; co-plot, pencils, and inks by Bob Wiacek; colors by Christie Scheele; letters by John Costanza
Mind you, finding pop culture references to 2020 is hard. Why, nothing even happens this year in Star Trek! I'm certain you remember a couple years ago when they made sleeper ships obsolete, but we are certainly not on our way to a world where there are republican terrorists and the US government will throw thousands of homeless and indigent persons into inhumane internment camps. That's just crazy science fiction talk!
But I'm sure you have recognized our own year in comic books, which give us the up-to-date lingo we now currently speak and the products we use daily!
Panels from Machine Man (1984 miniseries) #1 (October 1984); script by Tom DeFalco; breakdowns by Herb Trimpe; finishes, inks, and colors by Barry Windsor-Smith; letters by Michael Higgins
Yes, I know what you're thinking...Why don't they build the entire plane out of the black box Are we going to see an appearance by the World's Greatest Hero of the Future Today, the costumed character that embodies the true spirit of 2020? And I say thee...YEA!
Page from Machine Man #2 (November 1984); script by Tom DeFalco; breakdowns by Herb Trimpe; finishes, inks, and colors by Barry Windsor-Smith; letters by Diana Albers
No! (Sorry, fans of guys named "Arno.") We're gonna look at thisfuturistic pulled-from-today's-headlines dude!:
Inset on the cover of Superman (1939 series) #354 (December 1980), pencils by Ross Andru, inks by Dick Giordano
Yes, Superman 2020! Faster than a speeding laser blast! More powerful than a Tesla underground electric car! Able to leap tall geodesic domes at a single bound! It's a SpaceX! It's a drone! He's the hero of all the cognoscenti / His name again is Superman 2020!
So, tune into the next installment so we can cast an (unusually green-tinged but I'm certain it'll be okay) spotlight on Supes '20. Who says this isn't the Mighty Bully Age of a big build-up to something I promise for tomorrow?
Oh, and if you're looking for
...we'll all meet here in one year.
*Play us off, Prince of1999 2020!
Cover of COPS #1 (August 1988), pencils by Pat Broderick, inks by Dennis Janke
and
and
and
?
No? Any takers? You, the guy in the third row? No? Well, here's another clue for you all:
YES FOR PETE'S SAKE PEOPLE, especially you the guy in the third row: these all take place in the Year 2020! And, coincidentally enough, so do we!
2020! As I hinted earlier today, it's not only a good lens prescription, it's also a futuristic year of excitement, adventure, and most of all, contentment and world peace! I'm sure you walked down the streets today and experience this kind of Utopia:
Panels from Iron Man 2020 one-shot (June 1994); co-plot and script by Walt Simonson; co-plot, pencils, and inks by Bob Wiacek; colors by Christie Scheele; letters by John Costanza
Mind you, finding pop culture references to 2020 is hard. Why, nothing even happens this year in Star Trek! I'm certain you remember a couple years ago when they made sleeper ships obsolete, but we are certainly not on our way to a world where there are republican terrorists and the US government will throw thousands of homeless and indigent persons into inhumane internment camps. That's just crazy science fiction talk!
But I'm sure you have recognized our own year in comic books, which give us the up-to-date lingo we now currently speak and the products we use daily!
Panels from Machine Man (1984 miniseries) #1 (October 1984); script by Tom DeFalco; breakdowns by Herb Trimpe; finishes, inks, and colors by Barry Windsor-Smith; letters by Michael Higgins
Yes, I know what you're thinking...
Page from Machine Man #2 (November 1984); script by Tom DeFalco; breakdowns by Herb Trimpe; finishes, inks, and colors by Barry Windsor-Smith; letters by Diana Albers
No! (Sorry, fans of guys named "Arno.") We're gonna look at this
Inset on the cover of Superman (1939 series) #354 (December 1980), pencils by Ross Andru, inks by Dick Giordano
Yes, Superman 2020! Faster than a speeding laser blast! More powerful than a Tesla underground electric car! Able to leap tall geodesic domes at a single bound! It's a SpaceX! It's a drone! He's the hero of all the cognoscenti / His name again is Superman 2020!
So, tune into the next installment so we can cast an (unusually green-tinged but I'm certain it'll be okay) spotlight on Supes '20. Who says this isn't the Mighty Bully Age of a big build-up to something I promise for tomorrow?
Oh, and if you're looking for
...we'll all meet here in one year.
*Play us off, Prince of
Bully Doesn't Eat Food: Brussels Sprouts
We went to the grocery store today and I made this astonishing and exciting discovery of a brand-new product for 2020!
This is such a great idea and very handy! It saves so much work. You cook 'em in the bag — and then you can just throw the whole bag of sprouts out into the garbage. No mess!
Added note on January 1, 2021: Oh yeah. Now that was a foreboding portent about how 2020 was gonna turn out, wasn't it? Sigh.
This is such a great idea and very handy! It saves so much work. You cook 'em in the bag — and then you can just throw the whole bag of sprouts out into the garbage. No mess!
Added note on January 1, 2021: Oh yeah. Now that was a foreboding portent about how 2020 was gonna turn out, wasn't it? Sigh.
The 1992 2020 Marvel Age Calendar: In January it's so nice / To put Rick Jones on ice
Hello 2020! What d'you have to say about the new year, Cap?
Man, I worry about Captain America these days.
Yes, that's the kind humor you can enjoy all month long with the
"The 1992 Marvel Age Calendar: January" from Marvel Age #109 (February 1992);
by Mike Lackey and Darren Auck
(Click picture to Reaper Madness-size)
The joke all of January is that Rick Jones is dead and pretty much nobody cares! Haw! Wow, good thing that's not happening in Marvel Comics here in 2020, right? (tugs collar, makes choking sound, looks around nervously)
Mind you, it being a rare leap year right now, we don't have too many choices for this feature's usual schtick of Useable Calendars Found in Comic Books. As y'all can see, we haven't used this exact same calendar since 1992. And the last one before that was 1964! Before that was 1936, when the comics industry was still so squeakin' new that Kal-El was still a wee li'l babe ridin' his rocketship through the stars and listening to Jor-El's podcast "Things You Can Do On Earth (That Nobody Else Can Do.)" Sponsored by Casper Mattresses!
Speaking of Casper, one of the few 1964 calendars we can find in comics is in Harvey Comics cover-dated April 1964! So I went down into the Comics Cave, pulled out the longbox that's labelled HARVEY FREAKS OF NATURE, but I sadly seem to be missing Baby Huey, the Baby Giant #57, Sad Sack's Section Eight Comics #20, and For Pete's Sake, Little Lotta, Put Down that Pork Chop Annual #2, so that's not really a helpful solution now, is it? (Except a reminder to recycle more Harvey comics.)
So, as you see, above you'll find the beginning of some calendars from Marvel Age for the also-election year of 1992. Don't get too used to 'em, though, True Bullievers, because the all-cartoon format is about to in a few months and you'll see extremely stream-lined Marvel calendars with less artwork, fewer jokes, and definitely a minimal percentage of Irving Forbush. So enjoy these while they last, and now that they're half-price in the stores, you might want to keep and eye open for the eight-days-a-week stuffed-with-cold-hard-moolah calendar that Richie Rich, one of the aforementioned Harvey Freaks of Nature, seems to be enjoying right here. WHY DON'T YOU GET LOST ALREADY RICH YOU CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION 1%ER WHO WILL BE THE FIRST UP AGAINST THE WALL WHEN THE COMICS REVOLUTION COMES!!!
Cover of Ri¢hie Ri¢h DigeSt Winner$ #15 (July 1982), art by some Richie Rich artist guy, I dunno, s'posed to be good for ya
Man, I worry about Captain America these days.
Yes, that's the kind humor you can enjoy all month long with the
by Mike Lackey and Darren Auck
(Click picture to Reaper Madness-size)
The joke all of January is that Rick Jones is dead and pretty much nobody cares! Haw! Wow, good thing that's not happening in Marvel Comics here in 2020, right? (tugs collar, makes choking sound, looks around nervously)
Mind you, it being a rare leap year right now, we don't have too many choices for this feature's usual schtick of Useable Calendars Found in Comic Books. As y'all can see, we haven't used this exact same calendar since 1992. And the last one before that was 1964! Before that was 1936, when the comics industry was still so squeakin' new that Kal-El was still a wee li'l babe ridin' his rocketship through the stars and listening to Jor-El's podcast "Things You Can Do On Earth (That Nobody Else Can Do.)" Sponsored by Casper Mattresses!
Speaking of Casper, one of the few 1964 calendars we can find in comics is in Harvey Comics cover-dated April 1964! So I went down into the Comics Cave, pulled out the longbox that's labelled HARVEY FREAKS OF NATURE, but I sadly seem to be missing Baby Huey, the Baby Giant #57, Sad Sack's Section Eight Comics #20, and For Pete's Sake, Little Lotta, Put Down that Pork Chop Annual #2, so that's not really a helpful solution now, is it? (Except a reminder to recycle more Harvey comics.)
So, as you see, above you'll find the beginning of some calendars from Marvel Age for the also-election year of 1992. Don't get too used to 'em, though, True Bullievers, because the all-cartoon format is about to in a few months and you'll see extremely stream-lined Marvel calendars with less artwork, fewer jokes, and definitely a minimal percentage of Irving Forbush. So enjoy these while they last, and now that they're half-price in the stores, you might want to keep and eye open for the eight-days-a-week stuffed-with-cold-hard-moolah calendar that Richie Rich, one of the aforementioned Harvey Freaks of Nature, seems to be enjoying right here. WHY DON'T YOU GET LOST ALREADY RICH YOU CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION 1%ER WHO WILL BE THE FIRST UP AGAINST THE WALL WHEN THE COMICS REVOLUTION COMES!!!
Cover of Ri¢hie Ri¢h DigeSt Winner$ #15 (July 1982), art by some Richie Rich artist guy, I dunno, s'posed to be good for ya
Bully Eats Food: Home-cooked New Year's Day breakfast
Hopefully this egg 'n' Spam sammich will reduce my hangover.
Does anybody really know what year it is?
Panels from Machine Man (1984 miniseries) #1 (October 1984); script by Tom DeFalco; breakdowns by Herb Trimpe; finishes, inks, and colors by Barry Windsor-Smith; letters by Michael Higgins
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Today in Comics History, December 31, 1999, 11:51 PM, New Year's Eve: Y2K was caused by Two-Face!
from "Apocalypse Girl" in The Batman Chronicles #21 (DC, Summer 2000); script, pencils, and inks by The Pander Brothers; colors by Lee Loughridge; letters by Ken Lopez
Are you ready for the high fashions of 2020?
Panels from Death's Head II #2 (January 1993), script by Dan Abnett, pencils by Liam Sharp, inks by Cam Smith, colors by Helen Stone, letters by Peri Godbold
Today in Comics History, December 31, 1928, New Year's Eve: Well, at least somebody's ready to revel in everything that 1929 will give him from January 1 through October 28th
from Doomsday Clock #10 (DC, July 2019), script by Geoff Johns, pencils and inks by Gary Frank, colors by Brad Anderson, letters by Rob Leigh
Uh oh
Panel from Batman (2016 series) #85 (Late February 2020), script by James Tynion IV, pencils and inks by Guillem March, colors by Tomeu Morey, letters by Clayton Cowles
Stay tuned...
Monday, December 30, 2019
Today in Comics History, December 30, 1999: The moon evolves mechanical tentacles, but it's far from the weirdest thing Warren Ellis writes today
from The Authority (1999 series) #10 (WildStorm, February 2000), script by Warren Ellis, pencils by Bryan Hitch, inks by Paul Neary, colors by Laura Depuy, letters by Ryan Cline
Friday, December 27, 2019
Today in Comics History, December 27, 1999: In Which I Fumble the Ball
from Jenny Sparks: The Secret History of the Authority #1 (WildStorm, August 2000), script by Mark Millar, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Bill O'Neil
Friday, December 13, 2019
Today in Comics History, Friday the 13th (of December): I Got Thirteen Problems But Friday Ain't One
"Fraidy-Cat Phil on Friday the 13th" in Target Comics v.7 #5 [#71] (Novelty Press, July 1946); script, pencils, and inks by Art Helfant
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