Well, sometimes I might get drunk/Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk

Listing for a seminar at the The 2009 New York City Wine & Food Festival

I guess what this means is the sixties are really over now, because what I'm sure Bob Dylan had in mind when he wrote "his famous counterculture anthems of the 1960s" was SPENDING $125 TO FIND OUT WHAT WINE YOU SHOULD DRINK WHILE YOU LISTEN TO A COVER BAND PERFORMING HIS GREATEST HITS.

If Bob wasn't dead, this woulda killed him. (What? Oh, sorry. I've made another one of my silly mistakes.)

Me? Well, yours little stuffed truly will be at the Wine & Food Festival, and I'm heading up a seminar of what cookie to eat while reading a Stan Lee comic book. Chips Ahoy, of course, for Sub-Mariner, and Mallomars for The Incredible Hulk. Thor? I'm picturing a Snickerdoodle. The Amazing Spider-Man is best enjoyed with a plate of Aunt May's steamin'-hot Wheatmeal Scotchies, and I think The Fantastic Four should be accompanied by Nabisco's Fudge-Covered Oreos. And Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.*? Hardtack smeared with used motor oil.

But let's not get silly about pairing food or wine with pop culture, shall we? Why, next thing you know we'll be having cooking demonstrations by Cher from Clueless. As if!




*Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division

San Diego Comic-Con Day 0: Breakfast Makes Bully Feel Better

A quick post as I'm on my way in a few mins. to the fabulous San Diego Convention Center to help John and Miss Jenn set up the Norton booth and stack out lovely books for your perusal (check us out at booth #1714, won'tcha?), but just wanted to share with you the sure way to get yourself up, ready, and energized for a busy busy day ahead: breakfast at the Old Town Mexican Café in San Diego. Here I am, about to munch down on a hearty plate of chorizo y huevos! Yummy, and Mexicany!:


Here's a handy Bully tip which won't cost ya anything: step into a taxicab and head on over there for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Well, the breakfast will cost you something but it's very affordable. It's the tip that's free, although I couldn't say no if you brought me back some yummy corn tortilla! You may have to cool your heels a wee bit for a table, 'specially on the weekends, but it's worth the wait! I'd even recommend ditching the convention center in the middle of the day and headin' on over for a late lunch. Your tummy will be glad you did!


It's at 2489 San Diego Avenue, but if you can't remember that, just step in a cab and tell them to take you to the main drag in Old Town, and then you can find it easily or ask for directions. It's just down the street from the Chuck Jones art print store, so pick up a print of Bugs or Daffy while you're there, or enjoy any of the other many great bars, restaurants, and gift and art shops in Old Town!

And oh yeah! I even think I saw Jane Wiedlin there! At least I'm pretty sure that was her. She was sitting in the back hunched over a big-ass plate of huevos rancheros, a fork in each hand and going at it like a Mixmaster! Even Jane's burps are cute, I'm telling you. As I'm a very very big little stuffed fan of the cutest Go-Go with the best solo albums (really, Jane! I even bought Kissproof World! And the Frosted album!), ever since I found out the Wild Miss W. was co-hosting this year's Eisner Awards ceremony, I'm become obsessed with getting to meet (and maybe get a "Blue Kiss" from) my favorite Go-Go and Star Trek supporting character! P'raps I will hand her a copy of my Ensign Wiedlin fan fiction story! (It's the one where she works at Starfleet by day and fronts a girl group rock band at night.) Anyway, I'll be on the lookout for Jane all weekend, and like Waldo, I'm sure I'll be seeing her pop up everywhere I look, so I hereby declare WiedlinWatch '07 open. See you, and Jane, at the show!

I GOTZ A PREZUNT IN MAILBOCKS

(Thanks so very much, Laura!)

All of a sudden I'm channeling Sleestak

Today I gathered up my carefully clipped coupons, got out my little push grocery cart, rolled it down the slope to Seventh Avenue and went grocery shopping. Among other things (Tuna fish! Cinnamon bread! That cereal that comes in the bag and is only $1.99 and tastes as good as the fancy stuff!), I picked up two of my very favorite foodstuff items:


Why, those two things are the very staples of a delicious meal, aren't they? Delicious rich, ice-cold creamy milk and savory, crispy Bac-Os® that give just the right zest and crunch-appeal to a lovely salad. However, as I'm a big fan of reading the small print, I couldn't help noticing the following:

"Milk from real cows"

Um, Cream-O-Land Dairy, what's the alternative? I s'pose they are trying to make a point that either A) this is not biogenetically altered or engineered milk or B) this is not milk from goats, dogs, or chickens, but is this really the best way to phrase it? "Milk from real cows? Why, that's so much better than milk from imaginary cows. Or fictional cows. Or little stuffed cows."

So. I am having milk from real cows for my dinner tonight. And on my salad I will sprinkle only slightly-bacony Bac-Os®. But what's this? Let's have a peek at the side label small print:

"Refrigerate after opening for added freshness and convenience"

Um, I'm all for keeping food fresh, but like Hershey's chocolate syrup (which never lasts more than a couple days around the Bull household anyway), do you really need to put this in the icebox to prevent spoiling? This ain't bacon, folks. These are carbonized bits of fictional pig. If there was ever a need label any item with the words "bacon from non-real pigs", Bac-Os® would be that item. Are these things really gonna spoil if I put them in the pantry? Let's read the list of ingredients:

Defatted Soy Flour, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Water, Salt, Sugar, Artificial and Natural Flavor, Red 40 and Other Color Added, Soy Sauce (Water, Wheat, Soybeans, Salt), Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein (Corn, Soy, Wheat).

And below that it says

Contains no meat or animal fat

Well, that's the thing you need to watch out for spoiling, meat and animal fat. Not "admittedly savory but completely artificial pieces of pseudo-bacon that probably have more than one ingredient in common with Lego."

Okay, okay, I'm making a mountain out of a porkchop. You win this round, Betty Crocker: I won't risk fictional trichinosis and I will put my Bac-Os® in the icebox to keep them not only cool but fresh as a daisy in spring. But the full line read

"Refrigerate after opening for added freshness and convenience"

For convenience? Betty, honey, if I want convenience I'll be storing this in my bed so I can get at 'em when I'm hungry at midnight.

Moral of the story: let's eat! And never read fine print.