That means the winner can only be...JOE "ROBBIE" ROBERTSON!
Winning easily with a landslide margin of 78% to Mrs. Arbogast's 22%, Robbie now goes to Zaire on April 15 to fight Muhammad Ali for the world championship. Also, he's heading over to May Parker's to watch her stories with her.
Actually, why don't you track Robbie's winning progress using the all-new downloadable SCSD Bracket Chart? Pin it up to your wall or tape it inside your lock to keep track of each bout and amaze and befuddle your friends! Also, get them to guess who Robbie will be fighting against in Round Two!
Click image to slam it up in size!
And who will that be? You'll get to vote for the next bout's winner, coming up next week! Bring your popcorn and hotdogs, and also bring your binoculars, because I couldn't get us seats right near the ring. But be here or be elsewhere! Meanwhile, let's have a celebratory coffee.
You tell me: where would the great businessmen—the movers and shakers of industry and commerce—be without their second bananas? Those industrious sidekicks do most of the work and take little of the credit, and have they ever, ever had a comic book named after them? No they have not. That's what qualifies them for tonight's Supporting Character Slamdown as we see Stark International's secretary supreme face off against The Daily Bugle's diligent blue-penciller...woo boy, this is a tough battle to call! Luckily I don't have to make the decision...no, it's all up to you! First, let's meet the competitors!
Yes, her name is Bambi, but you better be calling her Mrs. Arbogast. Tony Stark's personal secretary and executive assistant in the post-Pepper-Potts-period (round about the time Pep was running around Spain with Mario Batali and hanging out backstage at Coldplay concerts), Mrs. A. made herself absolutely essential to the Starkster from Day One with her cool unflappability under pressure and her expert phone manners:
Any secretary can keep an unwanted visitor out of her boss's office...but only a super-secretary can keep Namor, Lord of the Fishes, from stinkin' up Tony's executive office, what with the seaweed hanging off his little wings and his cologne with the fishy requisite-t-t-t-t-te. We here at Comics Oughta Be Fun! love the big shirtless lug, but ya gotta give Bambi props for putting him in his place. Namor respects that. In fact, he's scarily turned on by that.
Her weapons? Sarcasm. Why, Bethany Cabe's zip-a-toned green dress doesn't stand a chance against Mrs. A's withering tongue. (Eww, I didn't mean that the way it sounded.)
In fact, all you need to get Mrs. Arbogast riled up is to get her angry. Like Bruce Banner, the angrier she gets...well, let's just say that nobody parks under Tony Stark's office window for fear of the flying typewriters.
If she's got a weakness, it's got to be her tendency to gossip. If you happen to be a secret drunk on the job, filling up your red and gold armor with rich, buttery Kentucky whisky until it pours out of the eyeholes, well, then, Mrs. Blabbermouth is gonna make certain everyone knows you're back on the sauce again. Why do you think Tony took the editorship of the Stark International in-house newsletter away from her?
And hey, speaking of editors...bring on the opponent, Ragin' Robbie Robertson!
One of the greatest rock 'n' rollers of all time, Robbie Robertson has made music history during his career with hit after hit from The Band and also in his long and solid solo career. Penning such classics as "The Weight," "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," "Broken Arrow" and many others, he was inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame in 1994. Robertson has collaborated with some of the biggest names in music, including Springsteen, U2, Josie and the Pussycats, Rick Jones, the Electric Mayhem...
Wait a minute. I'm being handed a note. What's that?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so very very sorry. I've made another one of my silly mistakes again.
Joseph "Robbie" Robertson is the heart and conscience of that fine, fine, metropolitan fish wrapper The Daily Bugle. Between shouts from his boss of MISS BRANT WHERE'S MY COFFEE and PARKER GET ME PHOTOS OF SPIDER-MAN!, it's Robbie who does the real heavy hauling, keeping JJJ from being sued for libel on the average of three to four times a day, while still managing to hold down his job as Friendly Older Mentor™ to that wacky Peter Parker and his pals. Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows the news business better than Robbie Robertson. Except, possibly, Perry White. And Charles Foster Kane. And maybe Sarah Jane Smith. Maybe Kent Brockman. Okay, and don't forget Lou Grant. And, of course, Steve Martin. In fact, about eighteen people know the news business better than Robbie Robertson. Twenty, twenty-two, tops.
Add to his favor that he's a devoted family man...
And he never, never, never, never (well hardly ever) gives up:
And if there's one thing you can say about Robbie: he's never, never, never been to jail.
Man, I really gotta start doing better research on these things.
So there you go. Who's gonna win this battle of the Supporting Character Slamdown? The decision is up to you! Vote for your favorite, vote for the logical winner, vote for the character you want to see spun off into a weekly television series starring either Taye Diggs or Tyne Daley.Vote for the one who will give you a better national healthcare program! Vote for the one you think will be mostly likely to give the trix Rabbit those yummy, yummy fruity and delicious Trix! Just vote! Vote, vote, vote!
Place your vote before nine PM eastern daylight time on Thursday, April 1, or risk being mocked by Madonna because you didn't rock the vote! At nine PM on Thursday we'll count up the ballots, throw custard pies at the loser, and elect a winner!
To get yourselves into the mood before I announce the winner of the second bout in Supporting Character Slamdown, why not listen to some classic rock?:
Cool! And now, of course, the winner is...Morgana Blessing,. Naw, I'm jus' kiddin'. It is, of course...
Probably by sheer bullying, Flash Thompson took an early lead and despite some energetic sprints to catch up by Morgan Blessing, Mister Thompson never lost the lead, winning with 70% against Morgana's 30%. Not that Ms. B. didn't get any blows in:
But by hook or by crook, Flash always wins...whatever it takes.
And...let's face it...he always gets the girl:
Even girls he's not supposed to get:
Even girls who are married to somebody else:
Yes, Flash Thompson gets every...oh wait, never mind.
Well, at least you can say this about Flash Thompson: he always gets kissed.
The next round of Supporting Character Slamdown will start next week, so watch this blog! (You can always check the upper part of the sidebar to see if a poll is running!) Who knows who will pop up next: maybe Dixon Bowie versus Sigjid Roskoff. Now that's a powerhouse matchup!
And now, the event all comics fanboys have been eagerly ready for! But while you're waiting for Ms. Johansson to come out in her Black Widow leather catsuit, let's do a Supporting Character Slamdown wrapup, shall we?
The very first slamdown of round one (collect 'em all!) featured Man-Thing groupie Richard Rory squaring off against that devious diva of dernier cri, Chili Storm! The accounting otters here at Bully H.Q. have just finished tallying up all the votes, and we're ready to make the big announcement...
...the winner is...CHILI STORM!
Chili started strong out of the gate with an early lead and never lost it as Richard Rory trailed behind her all the way. He gained about 10% in the past twelve hours, but it wasn't enough: he was beaten 60% to 40%, and the very first slot in the second round goes to Miss Chili Storm! Thanks, everybody, for voting for your favorite!
Which brings us, of course, to the next event! Let's see who's stepping into the ring tonight:
In the mystic corner:Morgana Blessing, gal about town, dilettante and author of the unauthorized Dr. Strange biography, in which we find out the real secrets of the Cloak of Levitation. (Lots and lots of magnets.) Her strengths: speed, dexterity, and the ability to hold onto a cat during strenuous activities.
Not only is Morgana an accomplished writer of novels and cheesy exposés, she also was Doc Strange for ten, twelve minutes!...
...just not (weakness!)...just not a very good one. In fact, she was so rotten at it that we're not gonna disqualify her on those grounds. (That transparent pantsuit, on the other hand...)
In the jock corner:Flash! (ah ahhhhhh) Thompson!Yes, Emma Thompson's kid brother, football star, high school bully (not the good kind of Bully, mind you!) to Peter Parker and Spider-Man's #1 fan...not to mention the smoothest operator since George Clooney covered himself in Wesson Oil and slid himself over to Jennifer Lopez's.
Flash's strengths: he's strong, he's fast, he knows a lot about getting his hands on a girl, and he's best buds with Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man—at least the way Flash tells it.
Like another academic football star and cartoon character, Flash is also an honored Army veteran, having served in both Vietnam and Iraq. Following his most recent tour of duty, Flash lost his legs and is in a wheelchair, but this is one guy you don't count that as liability. Lookit the size of those arms! He could totally beat Professor X in wheelie demolition derby. His weakness? Despite overcoming his bullying side to befriend Petey, he's still kinda a dumb jock with a big ego and an eye for the ladies. One wardrobe malfunction on Morgana's part and it'll be all over but the arrival of Prince Baran and the Hawkmen.
So, you know the drill, don't you? Vote your heart, vote your wallet, vote for who you think will win, vote for who you want to win...just vote, will ya, ya big lugs? Gee, you guys are great. I have the best audience in the blogosophere! (sniffle)
Have you cast your vote yet in the Supporting Character Slamdown Rory versus Storm battle? Gosh, that makes it sound like Alexis Bledsel from Gilmore Girls is going to fight Halle Berry from the X-Men movies. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Anyway, there's still time to vote!
Vote before 12:01 AM, Wednesday, March 24, and look for the results...and the next bout...just after midnight!
Could The Thing take The Hulk? (Much as I'd like to disagree, he usually can't.) Can Ghost Rider beat Thor? (Why, I'd set my own head on fire to see that!) How about Ant-Man...can he defeat Giant-Man? (Now that's just plain silly.) As fanboys, fangirls, and fanbulls of the Marvelous Mighty World of Marvel, we've argued all of these bouts back and forth one bajillion times. What the heck can the Marvel Universe give us that's new? Dazzler vs. Doctor Doom? Spider-Man vs. The Juggernaut? Aunt May vs. Galactus? Hank Pym vs. Janet van Dyne?!? We've seen these all, and we know how they end. You wouldn't put your money down on any of these fights any more than you'd bet against Gene Hackman in Hoosiers. But what if...What If?™...a little stuffed bull really gave you some throw-downs to tickle your fancy. What then, huh? Huh? Huh?
Tonight begins an all-new running feature (and let's hope it doesn't run for months and months and months and months):
Supporting Character Slamdown!
Quite simply, the rules are this: there are no rules! Well, yes, there are a few. I've chosen sixty-four of the Marvel Universe's supporting characters...those guys and gals that hang around the lead hero like limpets on a cruise ship, waiting for their day in the sun, a chance subplot, or (gasp) an exciting wedding scenario! Or even, just to hog some of the spotlight for a while, a juicy death scene! And I'm going to pit them against each other, one by one, until there's only one cast member standing...winner takes all! (Which, as of this writing, is a bag of Pepperidge Farm Milano Cookies and the home version of the "Family Feud" board game. I need some better promotional considerations.)
Each Ultimate Earth-616 Fighter has been chosen to fit specific guidelines that I myself, the Little Stuffed Beyonder of this Battleworld, see fit to enforce or not as the case may be! Go ahead, argue with me in the comments...just try it...yer outta here! Aw, c'mon back, you know I wouldn't hurt a fly. Also, I'm depending on you guys for buying popcorn and Cokes. Each fighter will be a supporting character in the Marvel Universe, and more important, not a trained fighter. (So no Dum-Dum Dugans in here). With very few exceptions, nobody's going to have had their own comic book series or a special codename. We're talking boyfriends and girlfriends, dads and aunts, receptionists and bureaucrats, and maybe a supermodel or two! But no superheroes...no supervillains...just ordinary joes and jills beatin' the stuffin' outta each other! Now that's entertainment!
And you know what the best thing is about this all?
You choose the winner!
That's right, true bull-lievers! Each and every one reading this blog has a chance to cast their votes for who they want to win in every bout! Vote for who you think will win! Or vote for who you would like to win! Or vote for the girl with the nicest legs! I don't care! Just vote! Vote, my monkeys, vote!
In the swampy corner:Richard Rory, supporting character from Man-Thing, Daredevil, Foolkiller, She-Hulk and just about everywhere else Steve Gerber had a chance to write him!
His strengths: he knows how to survive in harsh environments like the Citrusville Swamp! He's faced off against supervillains like Foolkiller and lived to tell the tale! And, he's totally kissed She-Hulk! His weaknesses: A George Harrison fan, Rory will probably take the path of peace and harmony...and, since he's aware that he's in a comic book, he might refuse to play along with this very blog post! DING!
And, in the fashion corner:Chili Storm! Supporting player in all sixty-three different Millie the Model comic book series, Ms. Chili's role as rival model to Millie ensures that she knows how to play the game of sneakiness and subversion! (And, in a mild violation of this tournament's rules, she's had her own short-lived title, but who's gonna tell her that? In the words of Bil Keane's ghostly arch-nemesis, 'Not me!')
Her willingness to fight dirty is a definite strength for this glamour girl...and who needs a weapon besides killer looks and a razor-sharp tongue that would cut adamantium? Chili's weakness? Born with no belly-button, she may be a clone or hatched from an egg. We don't know. But she's ready to fight! DING!
Now here's where it gets exciting, folks: vote for your favorite!:
Vote before 12:01 AM, Wednesday, March 24, and remember, Bully knows when the ballot boxes have been stuffed! (Also, the manicotti, nom nom nom.) Until then, watch out for the hippie-hippie shakes and the supermodel smackdowns, and remember: may the best supporting character win this contest!
Could The Thing take The Hulk? (Much as I'd like to disagree, he usually can't.) Can Ghost Rider beat Thor? (Why, I'd set my own head on fire to see that!) How about Ant-Man...can he defeat Giant-Man? (Now that's just plain silly.) As fanboys, fangirls, and fanbulls of the Marvelous Mighty World of Marvel, we've argued all of these bouts back and forth one bajillion times. What the heck can the Marvel Universe give us that's new? Dazzler vs. Doctor Doom? Spider-Man vs. The Juggernaut? Aunt May vs. Galactus? Hank Pym vs. Janet van Dyne?!? We've seen these all, and we know how they end. You wouldn't put your money down on any of these fights any more than you'd bet against Gene Hackman in Hoosiers. But what if...What If?™...a little stuffed bull really gave you some throw-downs to tickle your fancy. What then, huh? Huh? Huh?
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