Today in Comics History, March 15, 2016: Viv Vision's internal clock works better than Google Calendar

from Champions (2016 series) #5 (Marvel, April 2017), script by Mark Waid, pencils by Humberto Ramos, inks by Victor Olazaba, colors by Edgar Delgado, letters by Clayton Cowles

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 15: The Beehive

Tonight (at last)! The Beehive! No, no, no, not the headquarters of this schlmielel...


Panel from The Champions #15 (September 1977), script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by John Byrne, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Irene Vartanoff, letters by Bruce Patterson
...who is a Nazi made of bees, but rather the base of operations of the Enclave, who we've been talking about for the past few days. It's more technically known as the Citadel of Science, but I'm gonna just keep right on callin' it the Beehive, because that's a cool-as-ice apt name for such an awesome piece of KirbyTech (subset: KirbyTecture).


Panel from Fantastic Four (1961 series) #66 (September 1967), co-plot and script by Stan Lee, co-plot and pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Artie Simek
With that panel, I could just end this post right here and now, couldn't I?

But I shan't.

More Cow/Bull Month, Day 10: Ghost Rider begins to regret eating all those cheeseburgers

Panel from The Champions #11 (February 1977), script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by John Byrne, inks by Bob Layton, colors by Don Warfield, letters by Bruce Patterson

Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash

In these days of Occupy Wall Street and Occupy the City of London and Occupy the Street Outside Wayne Industries, where 99% of us earn 1% of the wealth and 1% of them earn...well, I'll have to get back to you on that when I can find my pocket calculator. My point, and I do have one, is that even in the various comic book multiverses, you still need a dime (or so) to buy yourself a cup of coffee. And that takes moolah......simoleons...bucks...cold, hard, cash...money. Ka-ching!


Panel from Uncle Scrooge and Money one-shot (March 1967), script by Don R. Christensen, pencils by Tony Strobl, inks by Steve Steere

Scrooge McDuck is the ultimate example of the 1%: he's got a giant money bin filled with three cubic acres of money, and he's not letting it go. Beagle Boys, Flintheart Glomgold, or even Donald Duck mooching off him for an ice cream soda...ain't gonna happen. The only time you'll see someone else get that cash is when Uncle Scrooge shuffles off his mortal coil and Huey, Dewey, and Louis inherit the money bin—and the insinuation is that they'll be wiser with their inheritance than their Unca Donald. Just like Charlie Bucket inheriting a chocolate factory, Scrooge has learned that you have to indoctrinate trust and teach your heirs when they're young.

But if he doesn't spend it, just what does Scrooge do with all that money?


Panels from Four Color #386 (March 1952), script, pencils, inks and letters by Carl Barks

Well, to tell the truth, that's just as logical a thing to do with it as investing it in portfolios, stocks, and bonds. (Just don't let Occupy Killmotor Hill see you doing this, Scrooge!)

It's important to note that, unlike other comic book bazillionaires (I'm looking at you, Tony...you too, Bruce!), Scrooge McDuck didn't inherit his fortune, he made it. Smart, savvy, hard-working, sharp, but always honestly.




Wait a minute...he punched cows for a living? Aieeeee...(swoon)...




Which makes him, yes, one of the 1%, but at least not a duck who makes his living on the feathers of another canard. He's won and lost a fortune so often that he's learned the true worth of it is...well, taunting his shiftless nephew with advice about saving his money. This is a rule that ought to have been remembered by the Fantastic Four's Reed Richards, besieged with an Occupy the Baxter Building movement himself:


Panels from Fantastic Four v.1 #9 (December 1962), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Dick Ayers, letters by Artie Simek

Such a huge story is the financial downfall of one of America's top scientists that even Namor, the Sub-Mariner, follows the news on CNBC (Coral Nautical Broadcast Company). It's important enough to distract him from his framed portrait of Susan Storm that he got for eating ten boxes of Briny-Os and sending in the soggy, waterlogged box tops. Briny-Os! The fish-flavored cereal that's part of this complete undersea breakfast!




Suddenly catapulted fro the 1% to the 99%, at least Reed Richards keeps his usual pleasant demeanor and good humor about the whole thing:




Thankfully, Fantastic Four Inc. is saved when...get this...the Sub-Mariner pays them...hee hee hee...one million dollars...heh heh...to star in a movie about their lives! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! I'm telling you, I don't know how many bottles of Coca-Cola Stan had guzzled down, but he must have been up all night thinking of that one. "Here, Jack, draw the Sub-Mariner making a film about the FF. And put Jackie Gleason in it!" "Sure, Stan. Say, can I have my art back when you're done with it?" "Quiet, you."

A lesson undergone...undergoing? undergonst?...anyway, if you get a lesson once, you won't repeat the same dumbass mistake later on. Right?


Panels from Marvel Knights 4 #1 (April 2004), script by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, pencils by Steve McNiven, inks by Mark Morales, colors by Morry Hollowell, letters by Randy Gentile

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Another comic book jillionaire/industrialist lost his fortune and had to wait through at least three restarts of the entire universe to get it back. Harsh! That man: Oliver Queen, author of the exciting murder mystery stories of a detective novelist and his police inspector father...oh, wait, that's Ellery Queen. This guy is Green Arrow.


Panels from Justice League of America v.1 #75 (November 1969), script by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Dick Dillin, inks by Joe Giella

Gone from 1% to 99% in the space of a splash page...that's how comic book economics work, pal. Heck, in the DC Universe alone they have to rewrite the econ textbooks every time San Diego sinks into the sea or Australia is destroyed by an alien invasion or Qurac is fictionally blown up. Economic stability: it's just plain hard in a world that contains Martians, Amazons, and Bat-Mite. Yep, Green Arrow is so rich (How rich is he?) that he has a helicopter with his name on the side.


Panels from The Brave and the Bold v.1 #85 (August-September 1969), script by Bob Haney, pencils by Neal Adams, inks by Dick Giordano

A helicopter with his name on the side! Who else would possibly have one of those?!?


Panel from Spidey Super Stories #39 (March 1979), script by Jim Salicrup, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Mike Esposito

Oh yeah. Besides him.

G.A. comes face to face with the reality of being in the 99% when he's challenged about what he's done for the green folk and the blue folk for the working-class stiffs of Earth-1, like this couple straight out of a roadshow production of Li'l Abner who have set up a shop in Star City with such small and valuable merchandise that apparently it can all be stolen by one thief. I'm guessing there can't have been much of a market for a "Kryptonite 'R' Us" shop in Star City's slums, huh?


from Justice League of America #75

Ollie gets back his groove...if not his fortune...by...um...by fighting a green ghost evil version of himself LOOK IT WAS THE SIXTIES IT DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE MUCH SENSE THEN.




As goes Earth-1, so goes Earth-616 (says the title of one of the most popular Frank Zappa albums). Here's the 1 vs. 99% concept in action...just what you buy a comic book to see! Hard! Hitting! Bankruptcy! Adventure!



Panels from The Champions #5 (April 1976), script by Tony Isabella, layouts by Don Heck, finishes by John Tartaglione, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by John Costanza

Like energy, money can neither be destroyed or created. (Unless you, say, burn it or melt it down.) So if our hapless Mr. Clarke has lost his fortune, somebody else must be gaining it!




YAY! Mutants come out on top for once! And luckily, by this point in history, Gerry Ford has vowed to whip inflation now, so everybody comes out OK in the end, right?


Cover of The Flash v.1 #167 (February 1967), pencils by Carmine Infantino, inks by Joe Giella, letters by Gaspar Saladino

Later, the Flash would run so fast to destroy the Anti-Monitor that he would burn himself up and pass into the Speed Force, not to return until Final Crisis. So that worked out all right.

In conclusion: if you've got lots and lots of money, try and share it with people who don't have so much, okay? Then, we could all join hands and buy each other a Coke. A delicious, refreshing Coke. Yum.

And don't forget the only true worthy use of money*:




*Besides buying comic books.

The Unsettling Slang of Warren Worthington III

Sure, it's usually Hawkeye who's the one uttering utterly unsettling slang in the Marvel Universe...the sort of talk that makes you step back a little from Mister Clint Barton. The kind of metaphor that probably is just taken out of context, right? You know, the slang that doesn't quite seem like it belongs in a comic book?

Well, fear no more: Clint Barton's cleaned up his act (Dying a couple times will do that to ya)! Maybe because he's too busy keeping track of what identity he is this week (seriously, this guy's just one codename short of a Hank Pym), but Hawkeye's been on his best behavior recently. But I'm afraid we can't say the same thing about millionaire mutant Warren Worthington III:


Panel from Champions #5 (April 1976), script by Tony Isabella, layouts by Don Heck, finishes by John Tartaglione, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Irving Watanabe

Hey-oh! We're sure he's just referring to a plate of creamed spinach or corn or something, I betcha.

Anyway, there you have it: The Unsettling Slang of Someone Other Than Clint Barton for Once. No more laughing behind your back at you, right, Hawkeye?


Panel from Tales of Suspense #57 (September 1964), script by Stan Lee, pencils and inks by Don Heck, letters by Sam Rosen

Geez, Hawkeye, no!!

365 Days with Hank McCoy, Day 101

Panel from The Champions #16 (November 1977), script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Bob Hall, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Phil Rachelson, letters by Denise Wohl

365 Days with Hank McCoy, Day 48

Panel from Champions #16 (November 1977), script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Bob Hall, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Phil Rachelson, letters by Denise Wohl