Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Eh, what the heck...let's poke some more fun at Namor, okay?

Okay, get this, now: Namor is wandering through Manhattan, not wearing anything but a trenchcoat and his special, created-by-Atlantean super-science pressure-sensitive Speedos. Normally if a guy's strolling on the upper west side dressed like that, you're gonna call the cop on the beat and have him arrested as a flasher. But Mister McKenzie strolls up, calm as a clam, to one of the posh CPW residences , knocks as bold as can be on the front door, where he's greeted by a butler on his day off from a P. G. Wodehouse book:

MMC #3
Panels from Marvel Mystery Comics #3 (January 1940), script and art by Bill Everett




We immediately discover this butler's name is Pinkerton...

MMC #3




...which can only mean one thing: Sub-Mariner has wandered into Madame's Place:




MMC #3






Anyway, that fire. Just like an Ellery Queen mystery, let me pause for a moment to let you attempt to figure out the solution to the mystery. (Ignore the screaming burning woman for a while; she'll wait while we examine all the clues.) You've seen everything Namor has, and you know all of Namor's special superhuman powers, right? So surely you know how he will save this damsel in dis dress! Go ahead...match wits with Namor McKenzie...and see if you can find out...how he duz it!

Sub-Mariner Mysteries


Got the answer yet? Let's see if it matches Namor's clever plan of action!:

MMC #3




I...I did not expect that. Ummmm. What did we just see, comic book?

MMC #3




Oh, that familiar old cliché Subbie trick! Why, I do believe we've seen him, in hundreds of comic book appearances, repel excess water from his pores. That certainly comes in handy every time he fights Johnny Storm, and, if, say, the Secret Invasion had not been by Skrulls but instead by those aliens from Signs, why, we'd all be bowing down before Lord Namor, king of America, instead of our pal Norman Osborn.

Just in case you missed it, Pinkerton asks Sub-Mariner to explain just what happened two panels ago:

MMC #3




To which Namor replies with his usual tact and grace:

MMC #3




So. Namor. Can flash-flood through his skin upon application of extreme heat.

I so wish Roy Thomas had restored that power!


8 comments:

J. L. Bell said...

So flop sweat can be a superpower. Good to know.

Shelley said...

Well... That certainly ONE way to those few extra pounds. I'm a little jealous.

Matthew Craig said...

Who lives in a dome city under the sea?

NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS

Absorbent Imperius Rex is he!

NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS

If cuckold and shad-suff'ring champions you wish,

NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS

That fly with their ankles and make quite a dish!

Ready?

NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS
NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS
NA-MOR SCALE-PANTS
NA-MORRR SCALE-PAAAAAAAANTS

(but only apply if you're blonde

BOMP)

//\Oo/\\

Your Obedient Serpent said...

Matthew wins the internet.

Sea-of-Green said...

Wow, Namor could have made a killing as a spokesman for antiperspirant. I'll bet he's an Old Spice man.

That, and that dress is a fire hazard! What kind of dress explodes into flames THAT quickly when touched with a lit cigarette? Maybe the chick was using a little too much Aqua-Net or something.

Colin Smith said...

It's so ridiculous that I'm not even sure I can laugh at it. I get the same feeling from reading this as I did watching my younger students playing with Pokemon cards a few year's back: it's all too odd to process ....

But that absurdity aside, thank you for reprinting that last panel in particular. Doesn't Namor look fantastic?

Unknown said...

That's AMAZING! The writer contrived a ridiculous excuse for a person catching fire, just to contrive a ridiculous way to put out the fire?! What was the point of any of it?!

Unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

So that's why he spends time on the surface world -- his lovely makeup would wash off underwater!

"Dingl" - I refuse to comment.