Dumbass Things You Shouldn't Do in the Marvel Universe, Number 23

Hey! You know enough not to be a dumbass, right? It's one of those things your mama taught you, right...like not putting your elbows on the table or licking the television screen. Sadly, as we can see each and every day in our ordinary lives, out and about in public, there's a plethora (thanks, Word of the Day Calendar!) of dumbasses, especially in the workplace. Why, that even extends to job interviews! Remember that jerk who put you through your last job interview by making you talk about your biggest fault? And you said "Well, I sleep during the day and I like to steal office supplies," and suddenly you're not in the running anymore. Whatever happened to honesty is the best policy?!?. (PS: Don't steal office supplies.)

Now, one of the places where you'd think people wouldn't be dumbasses is the Marvel Universe, right? After all, this is the universe that gave us the Superhuman Registration Act and prejudice against mutants and the Sons of the Serpent and...wait, on the other hand, one of the places you'd think people would be total dumbasses is the Marvel Universe. And you'd be right. Because even in regular ordinary everyday job interviews, big bullies (in the worst sense of the word) pick on perfectly respectable job applicants, taunting them like that guy who kicks sand in the face of Mac at the beach. Sure, this red-shirted guy has big muscles and big eyebrows, but does he have a big brain? A: He does not.


Panels from Avengers #23 (December 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Don Heck, inks by John Romita, letters by Artie Simek

See, when you have a job interview that goes badly thanks to a dumbass interviewer, take a cue from Blondie here...sock the jerk in the glass jaw with a solid WONK! (That tactic is in all the good job interview books...go ahead, look it up! I dare ya!



And that, dear friends, is how Steve "Chuckles" Rogers started off his new career of punching people out in the countryside, working for a carnival showman straight out of the 1890s. Sadly Steve's new position would quickly evaporate, so fast that he didn't even have a chance to fill out his W-4 form and get his photo taken for his business cards and company ID, because just like he always does...dumbass that he is...

Kang attacks!

Yep. That'll happen!

So, to repeat: don't be a dumbass. Don't try to be all high and mighty making fun of a prospective job applicant, and don't bend all of space-time in a galactic quest to resurrect your high school girlfriend who wiped out on Dead Man's Curve on prom night. Don't be that guy.