Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only ho!

Bill MurrayStar Wars,
Nothing but Star Wars
Give me those Star Wars
Don't let them end
Ah, Star Wars
If they should bar wars
Please let these Star Wars

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...say, 1977 at the local movie theater...we all piled in with our buckets of popcorn and our big cups of Mr. Pibb to see Star Wars yet another time. We didn't even know that it was called A New Hope yet! But we could recite all the lines and dialogue from the movie, over and over again, until we all knew 'em by heart.

Let's revisit those timeless, classic lines of dialogue from Star Wars...through the magic of Marvel Comics!

Star Wars comics
Here, Darth Vader (and the caption) let us know that Captain Antilles (no relation to Wedge) is not only merely dead, he's almost most sincerely dead. Say, need a throat lozenge, Raymus?

Star Wars comics
Darth Vader of the comics is even more impressive than the movie version...because in the comic book, he doesn't even spill his Starbucks coffee as he force-throttles General Motti, who, he alerts us, just has to laugh. Good to the last drop, Darth!

Star Wars comics
What, Luke? What were you going to do in Toshi Station? Gosh, we'll never know now!

Star Wars comics
You know, Obi-Wan Kenobi has been called a lot of things over the course of six movies, a couple cartoon series, and umpty-ump Expanded Universe sagas, but I think it's safe to say he's never been called that.

Star Wars comics
Wait a minute, is he your only hope or your last hope? Curse these crummy recording droids!

Star Wars comics
No, Luke, no! Remember what your Uncle Owen said! When you're with that crazy old wizard, never touch any button, not brightly colored ones, especially not ones 'by the pommel'!

Star Wars comics
Hey, Obi, what happened to the scum?

Star Wars comics
Who knew Walrus Man was so verbal? Oh, sorry, I mean Ponda Baba. He and his hetero lifepartner Dr. Evazan only appear for a few panels here, but like all Star Wars cantina denizens, were later slated to appear in multi-part Expanded Universe sagas that postulate their entire history from birth to the end of the universe. For example, we later discover that Walru Ponda Baba, after murdering a doctor's wife, is pursued by that innocent man across the galaxy in an attempt to prove his own innocence, that'll never play on television.

Star Wars comics
Ah, that explains that. Not parsecs, par-secs. It makes perfect sense now.

Star Wars comics
Hey, kids, it's Walrus Jabba!

Star Wars comics


Star Wars comics
"...or it could have been that chili I had for lunch."

Star Wars comics
Darn it, Hamill! Stop trying to pad your part by ad-libbing!

Star Wars comics
Hey kids, special bonus: Clip 'n' save this vaguely off-model Star Wars pin-up!

Star Wars comics
Howard Chaykin-drawn busty spread-legged Princess Leia says "Well, hello there, space sailor!"

To be continued? You wish!!


Shano said...

I love those comics. Love them! I think all adaptations should be done without much of a script or photo reference. Just let the creators make up some crap. It becomes it's own crazy ass wonderful mess.

And Howard Chaykin should draw everything.

Thomas Fummo said...


Lovin' your funny captions too.

Unknown said...

You know, when I first bought this comic book in the summer of 1977 I hadn't even heard of the movie before.

I just thought the Darth Vader guy looked like a cool Dr. Doom knock-off.

Yes ... the Fortress Keeper was a naive young nerd.

Sea-of-Green said...

"...or it could have been that chili I had for lunch."

Ah-HA! You've read the Mad Magazine version, haven't you, Bully? ;-)

'Course, I think in Mad, it was actually radishes, not chili ...

Bully said...

You've read the Mad Magazine version, haven't you, Bully?

Actually, I was thinking of Hardware Wars!

Parker said...

Hmm- that last piece looks like Toth drew it and Howard inked it. I wish I'd seen this post Monday when I visited him so I could ask!