Friday, November 07, 2008

Once you go Chewbacca, you'll never go back-a

It's Friday night...not just here on our insignificant little blue-green world, but also a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Work is done, sixteen tons of Kessel spice have been loaded, space barges and star bails have been toted and's Space Miller Time for Han Solo and Chewbacca!

Star Wars comics
Panels from Star Wars #7 (Marvel, January 1978), written by Roy Thomas, co-plotted and penciled by Howard Chaykin, inked by Frank Springer, lettered by Joe Rosen, colored by Carl Gafford

So it's off to the local Cantina in search of R&R for our dashing space smuggler rogue captain and his fuzzy throw rug of a navigator. And you know what that means!...

No, no, no! Not them. I think everyone's tired of Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes trying to live off the royalties of their one hit single from thirty years ago. Sure, they might make a decent living hitting the Galactic State Fair circuit, but since that VH-1 Behind the Music special exposed Tedn Dahai's sad spice addiction problem and Nalan Cheel's botched sex-change operation, they just aren't in demand for star-weddings and space-mitzvahs anymore.

No, what Han's lookin' for is the ladies.
Star Wars comics

Yes, years before the Star Wars universe introduced us to Lando "Colt .45" Calrissian, the smoothest operator this side of the Five Fire Rings of Fornax, Missus Solo's little boy Hannibal was oohin' and ahhin' over the fine, fine spaceladies of the Known Worlds. It's clear here that in this issue, the first to branch out into new, original stories, Roy Thomas thought it would be a great idea to address the paucity of female parts in the original film and to introduce an element critically lacking in the Star Wars Universe: space trollops.

Star Wars comics
Han wastes no time in makin' his move. Just like his old Corellian freighter, he's the fastest operator in the quadrant. Why, he once pitched woo at Barbara Kesel in less than twelve parsecs!

Star Wars comics
By the way, didja notice the woman in the background of that panel? Proof positive that Leia Organa wasn't the only one in the galaxy with that hairstyle. Then again, she may have started the trend. Remember how everyone wanted a "Rachel" do? I can imagine once your perky teen princess appears on the scene with a Cinnabon hairstyle, every fashionista wants in on that look. Why, I bet at least three out of four cast members of the popular holonet entertainment vidshow Sex and the Sprawling Megalopolis Planet Known as Coruscant had that same 'do.

Star Wars comics
Meanwhile, Han's mackin' on a Blue Man Groupie, who falls instantly for that old smuggler charm (+2 charisma, roll 2d20 to sweep off one's feet/pseudopods). It's nice to see things work out so well for Captain Solo. Last blue woman he'd been with was that waitress from Hoth who'd just stayed outside too long.

Star Wars comics
But, remember this: Han Solo may be in like Flinn...

Star Wars comics
...but it's Chewie who's the true playa.
Hey-oh! Play us off, Cantina Band:


Brian Smith said...

I'm getting a Milk and Cheese vibe from that Chewbacca in the final panel.

And thanks so much for this week of Star Wars stuff! I've gotten used to the no-Star-Wars rule on The ISB, so having joke after joke about the comics' art, dialogue and even Supershadow has filled a void in my heart that I didn't know I had. (The void, I mean -- I'm pretty sure I knew I had a heart.)

Chance said...

That was no fair fight! Han punched first!