Consternation, uproar! The New DC is barely half a crisis into its new life, and already startling and controversial changes are being made that the fans are up in arms over! And aside from Rob Liefeld's return, many of these dubious changes involve the physical appearances of the DC Comics characters we've all come to know and love except Lobo. Unless you've had your head under an Earth-2 over the past couple days, you know that that Amanda "The Wall" Waller...
...is now played by Beyonce!
Green Arrow no longer sports his luxurious blonde mustache and goatee!
Violating years of continuity, our beloved Batgirl is no longer Asian nor blonde!
And Superman no longer has a yellow belt! (Why did Superman wear a yellow belt, anyway?*)
But wouldja believe...there's more? (There is!) Here now, for the very first time: the most startling physical changes to classic characters in the new DC Universe!
Alfred the Butler: fat again
Aquaman: now has webbed toes
Jimmy Olsen: round as a Weeble
Starfire: now even bustier
Black Lightning: now Caucasian
Despero: now has only two eyes, plus monocle
Batman: real ears are now tall and pointy to match mask
Lois Lane: vestigial tail
Deathstroke: blind in different eye
Mr. Mind: now a beautiful butterfly
Dex-Starr: neutered
Guy Gardner: neutered
Black Canary: luxurious blonde mustache and goatee
Oh no! They are changing Wonder Woman's costume! NOOOOOOOOOOO! To this!:
They can't do that! They're gonna ruin the character! What's up with that? She needs to stay in the original costume we first saw her in!:
I'm telling you, Mister DiDio, nobody wants to see your souped-up remake costume that just simply is not Wonder Woman! We know what Wonder Woman looks like, and anybody who's anybody will tell you she must look like this!:
So be sure to boycott DC Comics until they change the travesty that is the "new" Wonder Woman back into the traditional, original, and still the best Wondy costume of them all...the real Wonder Woman! That's right, I'm calling boycott! I think all of us should not buy any DC Comics at all ever again, until the next issue of Batman and Robin comes out. But aside from buying most of the Green Lantern spin-offs and okay, that story where Superman is walking across America, don't buy any DC Comics! Oh, and The Return of Bruce Wayne. Other than that, boycott all DC Comics. Oh wait, there's some good ones coming up from Vertigo.
On this patriotic weekend, won't you please take a moment from your busy schedule of barbecuing and playing with fireworks and blowing your fingers off to remember that Wonder Woman is an icon, not a commercial commodity, and no one has the right to change her looks or give her a new origin! In fact, if there's a new Wonder Woman movie coming out, who better than the original television Wonder Woman to play Diana's mom, the beautiful Amazon Hippolyta, than the Wonder Woman we all remember from that TV movie, right?
So get with it, DC, and bring back the only Wonder Woman who matters...after all, she's the real Wonder Woman as seen in the comics!:
Sigh. Well, you know what...I guess it's okay if they change Wonder Woman's outfit. I guess I could learn to live with a new look. But I'm telling you...I really mean this...they'd better not change the original Captain America costume that we all know and love:
That's right, I'm looking at you, Marvel. Don't even think about changing this iconic look!
Let's not even talk about how much they've changed Batman's look from the original.
So be sure to boycott DC Comics until they change the travesty that is the "new" Wonder Woman back into the traditional, original, and still the best Wondy costume of them all...the real Wonder Woman! That's right, I'm calling boycott! I think all of us should not buy any DC Comics at all ever again, until the next issue of Batman and Robin comes out. But aside from buying most of the Green Lantern spin-offs and okay, that story where Superman is walking across America, don't buy any DC Comics! Oh, and The Return of Bruce Wayne. Other than that, boycott all DC Comics. Oh wait, there's some good ones coming up from Vertigo.
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