Psylocke Psaturday: And yet, we're still not out of The X-Tinction Agenda

Psreviously, on Psylocke Psaturday...


Panel from Uncanny X-Men #271 (December 1990), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Jim Lee, inks by Scott Williams, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Tom Orzechowski and L. Lois Buhalis
...Cameron Hodge, a.k.a. X-Factor's greatest villain (snicker), had just captured Wolverine and out purple-haired point of this pseries of psosts, Psylocke! Disclaimer: As Miss Olivia Munn is out ill from our theatre tonight, the role of Psylocke will be played by Emma Stone.

In fact, as crossover ish X-Factor #61 tells us, a whole lotta mutants have been trapped like Mars flies in a klein bottle. Also, they've been, completely violating the Geneva Convention, cruelly imprisoned without a background. This human rights transgression later inspired the United Nations to adopt worldwide the controversial Colletta Accords.


Panel from X-Factor (1986 series) #61 (December 1990), script by Louise Simonson, pencils by Jon Bogdanove with John Caponigro, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Mike Rockwitz, letters by Joe Rosen
Being caught, imprisoned, and robbed of their powers hardly ever happens to the X-Men, so you're not likely to see this scene at any time in the immediate future.


Panel from X-Men #272 (January 1991), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Jim Lee, inks by Scott Williams, colors by Joe Rosas and Glynis Oliver, letters by Tom Orzechowski
OH FOR PETE'S SAKE COMIC BOOK

The world is immediately outraged by this news that shakes the nations! Commenting on the subject is a Marvel Comics editor, the world's most verbose man, an Orion lawyer, and Sunspot's dad.


Even this guy, on his way over to Netflix's Daredevil set, has a word or two to say.


Of course, the X-Men are strong and resistant, and not a single X-Man or X-Woman or X-Beast is going to crumple under the terrific pressure of being handcuffed on top of a platform and


OH COME ON NOW BETSY

Oh, it's a trick. Okay, Psylocke, you're forgiven. This time. Ten points from Gryffindor Claremont, however, for not using the obvious Pat Benatar "hit me with your best shot" reference in panels one and two. It was right there staring at you, Chris!


Everybody run
Psylocke's got a gun


More or less "meanwhile", Psylocke's not the only X-Men fleeing. Let's just take a quick glance at Pre-Teen Storm™ (action figure available now from Toy Biz!) make her escape by (snicker) hiding in a laundry basket (hee hee hee) that's being loaded onto a truck for (snicker snicker) Geno-Sheen Custom Laundry! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA oh you were serious Louise Simonson I'm so sorry.


Panels from X-Factor #60 (November 1990), script by Louise Simonson, pencils by Jon Bogdanove, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Joe Rosen
Then (just so you know how this all ends, pretty much), Havoc zaps Cameron Hodge to pieces. Boom! End of villain.


Panels from X-Factor #62 (January 1991), script by Louise Simonson, pencils by Jon Bogdanove, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by "Task Force Z2"
Well, that's taken care of him. Oh wait! He's still here! Zap 'im, Cyclops! Yay! Truly then, this is the end of Cameron Hodge!


OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD he's got more death scenes that the Terminator and the Anti-Monitor put together!


Zapt him Jean! Zapt him good! HOORAY THUS ENDETH CAMERON HODGE FOREVER


Um...okay, then...FINISH HIM, RAHNE! (tapping fingers impatiently)


And then Rictor buries him under the biggest building collapse until 9/11. Oh, that won't terrify and scar New Yorkers at all, X-Men. GOOD JOB, MUTANTS.


Then, everybody gathers on stage for the traditional obligatory post-apocalyptic battle team portrait. Say 'Claremont,' everybody!


Panel from Uncanny X-Men #273 (February 1991), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Whilce Portacio, inks by Scott Williams, colors by Joe Rosas, letters by Tom Orzechowski
Next issue: Claremont makes sure we all know each other's names, and Psylocke seems to be the only one not bothered by tentacle porn:


Panels from Uncanny X-Men #274 (March 1991), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Whilce Portacio, inks by Scott Williams, colors by Joe Rosas, letters by Pat Brosseau

Psylocke Psaturday: Genosha swings like a human rights-violating Amnesty International-condemned pendulum do

Previously, on The X-Tinction Agenda:

Panel from Uncanny X-Men #271 (December 1990), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Jim Lee, inks by Scott Williams, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Tom Orzechowski and L. Lois Buhalis
Eh, that's enough of a recap. Let's get right to the Psylockin' action!

The X-Tinction Agenda was the X-titles' thinly disguised anti-apartheid fable, told via Genosha, the fictional Marvel country where humans ruled mutants, emigration was at a strict zero per cent, and cats were living with dogs. Sounds pretty nasty, huh? Well, imagine that country being manipulated behind the scenes by X-Factopr's arch-enemy, Cameron Hodge, a guy so evil they put his head on the body of a mechanical spider-worm (Spider-Worm! Spider-Worm! He should be doing a prison term!), and they didn't even bother to give him a cool codename! Genosha: it makes Latveria look like Denmark. Still, we were all pretty sick of it by the twenty-first century and I'm not ashamed to admit that I didn't disapprove when Grant Morrison pretty much took it off the table as a world power in New X-Men. Marvel Comics: wiping mutants out by the millions since 1963!

Enter: Wolverine, Jubilee, and Psylocke — pretty much the closest thing we had to an X-Men team following the splitting of the group and their transmorfrigationing after entering the Siege Perilous. Wolvie, Jubes, and Psyke are all falling down out of the sky, apparently, rather than entering the country through customs the way normal folks do. Wolverine: the best there is at what he does, and what he does best is give piggy-back rides!


Whereas you and I would probably take in the sights, check into our hotel, maybe head out for a quick meal of local Genoshan cuisine (their fritter cakes are to die for), Psylocke just starts kicking people. With "power and grace." I'm pretty sure she buys souvenirs the same way.


Are you keeping track of the number of times the phrase "focused totality of my telepathic powers" is used? Chalk up another one! And in case you're tracking Psylocke's powers for that new edition of The Official Handbook of the Marvel Post-Secret Wars Universe, What Are We Calling This One, Earth-616-8?, please note that not only does her psychic knife cause you to say "Glxgkyl' (which is a compound verb in the world of Sugar and Spike), but it also makes you weep vanilla pudding.


Hey, it's Rictor and Boom-Boom! Hi, Rictor and boom-Boom! (sets off klaxon) We have a crossover! We have a crossover! Also, please note that the kids are less scared of known berserker killer Wolverine than they are of the Asian supermodel. Mmmm, that's good Mary-Suein'!


Confused? Don't be! Here's a handy recap panel in the form of a Psylocke mind meld! Not onbly so Jim Lee can draw this impressive scene, but so that you dont' actually have to buy X-Factor or New Mutants to figure out what's going on. Remember, Jim Shooter sez, every issue is someone's first!


Somehow yet once again they manage to fall into Genosha out of the sky a second time. Is Genosha built on a layer cake model, like Minas Tirith, so that those on the top can just toss their garbage over the ledge onto the level below? And where'd they get those planes? And more important, where'd they get the quarters to run them? Also: a special appearance by Betsy in Genoshan Flight Suit™! Aw, it was nice of Jim Lee to be thinking of variant action figures already.


Wolverine Down! ("What do you stuff a wolverine pillow with?") Luckily Logan and Betsy are picked up by the only Genoshan poilice who have never read the story of the Trojan Horse. And Chris Claremont...stop trying to make "psishot" happen.


Cheese it, Psylocke! It's Cameron Hodge, and he's doing H.R. Giger cosplay!


And that's two "focused totality of my telepathic powers" in this comic. Seriously, try saying that aloud (and with a straight face) and you'll begin to see why it never achieved the catchphrase popularity level of "It's clobberin' time!" or "My Spidey-Sense is tingling!" or "Do you know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?"


So, that's pretty much how Wolverine and Psylocke died. Or...did they? Buy two other comic books to find out (sort of) and then join us back here next time for another Psylocke Psaturday, same purple-haired time, same purple-haired channel!

Psylocke Psaturday: Warning: Psylocke May Not Actually Appear in This Post

I often joke in these (digital) pages: "Hey, remember when there was only one X-Men comic?" I mean: how the Sam Scratch could they ever have a crossover event with only one comic? Luckily by the early '90s there was a fine assortment of titles that began with "X" on your comic book shop shelf, and for that matter one of 'em began with "N," one with "E," and one began with "Wolver." Most of which would somehow get tied up in the x-citing x-over x-Travangza The X-Tinction Agenda,, the Marvel event that taught a generation how to misspell the word "extinction!" And also produced house ads that were nigh-invulnerable to reading comprehension. The X-Men: blocking the literacy of America's youth since 1963!