Today in Comics History, December 22, 1864: Many miles away, Robert E. Lee clutches his genitals in pain and wonders why

from "The War Between the States" in Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, November 19, 1863: A hush comes over the crowd as they try to calculate how many is four score and seven

from "The War Between the States" in Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, September 2, 1864: Noooooobody expects the Savannah Expedition

from "The War Between the States" in Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, July 21, 1861: Over in a month? The South thinks it still isn't over

from Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, July 21, 1861: Surely this young Army lieutenant will go far in his career

from "[George Armstrong Custer:] America's Most Colorful Cavalry Leader" in Real Life Comics #5 (Pines, May 1942), creators uncredited and unknown

Today in Comics History, July 21, 1861: Battle of My People Going for a Jog

from "Stonewall Jackson: How He Earned That Nickname" in Real Heroes #5 (Parents' Magazine Press, July 1942), pencils and inks by Gus Schrotter

Today in Comics History, May 16, 1862: After several successful decades, comics just shrug and give up

from "The War Between the States" in Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon (apparently)

Today in Comics History, May 10, 1865: Ironically, Jefferson Davis couldn't raise cash bail

from "Jefferson Davis" in It Really Happened #7 (Pines, February 1947), pencils by Chas. M. Quinlan

Today in Comics History, April 14, 1861: Owl hoots are roused

from "First Shot!" in Frontline Combat #9 (EC, November 1952), script by Harvey Kurtzman, pencils by John Severin, inks by Will Elder, colors by Marie Severin, letters by Ben Oda
Oh boy! The War is over! Hooray, hooray, hooray!


Whoops.

Never mind.

Today in Comics History, April 14, 1861: Abraham Lincoln teaches the crowd how to spell "yay"

from Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, April 13, 1861: Civil War cancels Saturday Morning Cartoons

from "First Shot!" in Frontline Combat #9 (EC, November 1952), script by Harvey Kurtzman, pencils by John Severin, inks by Will Elder, colors by Marie Severin, letters by Ben Oda

Today in Comics History, April 12, 1861: First shot of the Civil War is fired by EC's Crypt Keeper

from Picture Stories from American History #4 (EC, Summer 1947), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils and inks by Allen Simon

Today in Comics History, April 12, 1861: Every day I wake up, then I start to break up

Aw geez, what's waking us up now?


from "First Shot!" in Frontline Combat #9 (EC, November 1952), script by Harvey Kurtzman, pencils by John Severin, inks by Will Elder, colors by Marie Severin, letters by Ben Oda
Oh, it's that durn Civil War! Cheese and crackers, pipe down, you guys!

Today in Comics History, April 5, 1862: Civil War Army men burst into flames under a crescent moon

from "General U. S. Grant" in Real Life Comics #6 (Pines, July 1942), pencils by Maurice Gutwirth

Today in Comics History History, April 12, 1861: "Buy One, Get Two Free" is invented

from "The War Nobody Wanted to Fight!" in Marines in Battle #20 (Marvel/Atlas, November 1957), pencils and inks by George Tuska
Wow, the November '57 Atlas Implosion was literal.

Today in Comics History, May 22, 1863: A somber and solemn moment in our nation's history has Superman pasted into it

from Superman: A Nation Divided one-shot (DC, February 1999), script by Roger Stern, pencils and inks by Eduardo Barreto, colors by Chris Chuckry, letters by Bill Oakley

Civil War: The Original Series

And now: a little Civil War pageant written by Bully, starring Bully (me!) and my kid sister Marshall:

Scene: The White House, September, 1862. President ABRAHAM LINCOLN (Bully) is working at his desk. Enter General ULYSSES S. GRANT (Marshall)

LINCOLN (Bully): Hi hi hi Sam!
GRANT (Marshall): Hi hi hi hi hi Mister President!
LINCOLN: How goes this terrible, costly war of ours? We'll still win the war by Christmastime, right?
GRANT: Well, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. We're a little behind schedule.
LINCOLN: Behind schedule? How is that possible? Didn't we plan all this out?
GRANT: Well, some battles are running a little late, so we had to reschedule the whole bunch of them.
LINCOLN: Isn't that a kick in the pants! Isn't there anything you can do?
GRANT: Not unless you can change the course of time and the laws of physics, Mister President.
LINCOLN: What about that thing where I sent all my other generals the same whiskey you were drinking? Didn't that work?
GRANT: I act'lly think that's part of the problem in the first place, Mister President.
LINCOLN: Did you tell them that a house divided against itself cannot stand?
GRANT: Yes, but everybody was kinda confused by that House of L thing. Does General Lee still have all his powers after it or what? Even I'm not sure from month to month.
LINCOLN: Well. That's not good news. What kind of delay are we looking at? January? March?
GRANT: April, at least, sir.
LINCOLN: Well then, by next Spring, we'll...
GRANT: April '64, Mister President.
LINCOLN: Golly. That's a big delay.
GRANT: At least by '64. Maybe later.
LINCOLN: Can't we just do a fill-in battle or something?
GRANT: That won't be very popular, sir. We'll get skewered in the telegraphosphere by all the War buffs.
LINCOLN: Well, there's not much to be done, then, is there? If we can't do it fast, we can at least do it right. It's the least we owe the fans.
GRANT: And the soldiers, sir.
LINCOLN: Well, duh.
OFFSTAGE VOICE: Mister Frederick Douglass is here to see you, President Lincoln.
LINCOLN: Send him in. Ah, my good friend Douglass! How are you?
DOUGLASS (Samuel L. Jackson): Abe! What's this I hear about the mother****ing War running late?
(ALL turn to audience and bow. Everyone APPLAUDS. Exeunt.)