Today in Comics History, September 28: Happy birthday, Confucius!

Born on this day in 551 BC: Chinese philosopher Confucius, star of many comic books and graphic novels! Why, you can't point at a comic book anywhere without finding him somewhere in the middle!


cover of Action Philosophers Giant-Sized Thing #3 (Evil Twin, November 2007), art by Ryan Dunlavey



And pull the lever on a slot machine of great Chinese minds and he'll pop up somewhere in the middle of the reels!


from The Great Ten #1 (DC, January 2010), script by Tony Bedard, pencils by Scott McDaniel, inks by Andy Owens, colors by Tanya Horie and Richard Horie, letters by Steve Wands
Here he is chillin' on the moon in Alan Moore's great kabbalah-go-round!


from Promethea #14 (America's Best Comics, June 2001), script by Alan Moore, pencils by J.H. Williams III, inks by Mick Gray, colors by Jeromy Cox, letters by Todd Klein
What's this? Confucius in the world of the Simpsons? D'oh!


from "Lisa's Historical Dream" in Simpsons Comics #58 (Bongo, May 2001), script by Neil Alsip, pencils by Aaron Rozenfeld, inks by Mike Rote, colors by Art Villanueva, letters by Chris Ungar
Captain Midnight meets his new team members on the All-New, All-Different Fantastic Four!


from "The Planet of Peril!" in Captain Midnight #58 (Fawcett, December 1947), pencils and inks by Leonard Frank
Confucius is a handy figure to call up from the past if you need to form some sort of great-minds Super Friends. Like the The Mad Thinker has done here!


from Captain America (1968 series) #269 (Marvel, May 1982), script by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Mike Zeck, inks by John Beatty, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Jim Novak
That same robot appears later in the Marvel U. He's a bit broken down but he changed his green robes for snappy new red ones! Lookin' sharp, Confucius!


from Marvel Team-Up (1972 series) #129 (Marvel, May 1983), script by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Kerry Gammill, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Diana Albers
And here he is with hetero life partner Mark Twain.



This Nelvana tale from the Great White North posits that the great minds of human history are all interred in the same, likely crowded and improperly ventilated, room.


from "Nelvana and the Ether People, Chapter 5: The Hall of Time" in Triumph Comics #28 (Bell, November 1945), by Adrian Dingle
Hey! Close that door! You don't want all the evil to get in!


What If...Confucius went to a baseball game? What then, huh? Whaddaya think about that, Uatu? Baffled you, right?

from MAD #313 (September 1992), script by Andrew J. Schwartzberg, pencils and inks by Mort Drucker
(Click top picture to double-header-size)
Jughead explains the general philosophy of Confucius in a way we can all comprehend!


from Archie's World one-shot (Spire Christian Comics, 1976), by Al Hartley
Then Jesus comes and spoils it all by saying something stupid like "I love you."

Thanks so much for injecting distrust of other religions into comic books, Al Hartley!


But by far the wackiest appearance of Confucius is contained n the time-travelling hijinks of adventurer Stuart Taylor, Temporal Goof-Off!


from Jumbo Comics #105 (Fiction House, November 1947, art by Matt Baker as Curt Davis
Yes, Stuart Taylor went back in time not to preserve the timeline or put right when once went wrong, but to win a trivia game show prize. This is why all the other time-travellers at Munden's Bar turn their backs on him. Don't even mention him to Billy Pilgrim.


There's shenanigans a-plenty! as an evil warlord finds a guy who looks just like Confucius to influence his side in a battle. Eh, that’s always happenin' in pre-Jesus China.


Whatever you do, don't bring out the Confucius imposter so Stuart can see both him and the real Confucius at the same time and oh for crying out loud you had one job.

Hope y'all don't mind, but I deleted the panel with the racist slurs. (Sigh.)


There's not enough questionable stuff going on in this story, so let's add a Mighty Whitey with Yellow Fever for Chinese women as a story point. OH THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH CURT DAVIS


I bet that's not real Chinese.


Anyway, happy birthday, Confucius! Don't let Jesus boss you around, ya hear? He's always pullin' that.