Today in Comics History, January 5, 1999: He shoulda just got her a space-toaster

You might remember a mere four days ago, and yet back in the futuristic year of 1999, that crackpot space pilot Kevitt Standish (giggle) was engaged to be married to his fiancée who we don't know the name of, and franly, I don't think he does either.


from "Wedding Gift" in Amazing Adventures (1950 series) #2 (Ziff-Davis, May 1951), pencils and inks by Murphy Anderson
Bein' no fool, Nameless Girlfriend reminds Standish that he had better not be heasding out on any more than a four-day tour, because they get married on January 5, the instant he comes back! Unless he returns with one of the sexy Martian women with the three heads and the wings, because you know, hey, Martian women.


"And don't be going and getting kidnapped by Venusian warloards who threaten to make you destroy the Earth and...what DID I just tell you, Kevitt Lucille Standish?!?"


A whole lotta bluffin' later, Standish tricks the Venusian into blowin' up Mars. Also, there's some time travel of four days back and forth that's basically non-essential but pretty good at confusing us about what day it is. This guy is never gonna get his bachelor party!


Then, Space Ace Kevitt Standish, hero of all the solar system, punches the Venusians right out of the space-door that has been conveniently left space-open. "Come on, you space kids! We're not heating the whole space-outdoors, you know!"


Kevitt returns home, I dunno, using some sort of space slingshot or sling drive or netted slingshot briefs and returns to Earth on January 5, just in time for his wedding, as the futuristic analog clock on the wall tells us. And Marcia (oh, that's her space name!) doesn't even realize he's been gone, because for some reason...time travel rules, or maybe getting his hand stamped...Kevitt never made the space trip on January 1! Not only has he changed history capriciously, but that means he made Murphy Anderson draw all those pages for nothing! WHat a stupid, stupid man.


The marriage ceremony was a happy and joyful affair and Kevitt and Marcia lived happily ever after, until two days later when the Venusians, who were right back where they started before all the time travel, blew the entire Earth up.

Well, That'll show ya.