Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Today in Comics History, August 23, 1981: Actually, Superman just had really great tickets for the circus that day

This particular Superman story is about one guy who's specifically upset the Man o' Steel didn't save his kids from dying on August 23. Particularly since Superman can easily travel through time.





You coulda actually just invited Superman into your house and showed him those photos there, dude:


from Superman #372 (DC, June 1982), script by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Frank Chiaramonte, colors by Anthony Tollin, letters by Todd Klein

Random guy threatens to destroy the Earth if Superman doesn't help him (geez, overreaction much?), even though Supes explained he can't change history (except, of course, for all those other times he did). Don't negotiate with terrorists, Superman!...oh, you already are.


Random Kids are about to be swallowed alive by a giant wave! This was Random Guy's first mistake: blackmailing Superman and not, say, Aquaman.


Superman's just a ghost if he tries to change history! This must mean he's never shook Abe Lincoln's hand or punched a dinosaur. Darn those immutable rules of temporal physics!


And so the story concludes on a bittersweet note...wait! Superman has a side trip to take! Let's hope it's to consult with Lex Luthor in his little clubhouse before his hair all falls out.


"See?" sez Supes. "I was already busy on August 23, so you should have booked earlier. And if I ignore this, Jimmy Olsen will die!" Because there's no such thing as Superman Robots that would mean he could be in two places at once, of course.


"No," agrees the story, "but there is such a thing as Random Kid Robots!" (Not associated with Kidrobot™.) Thus tossing a wacky curveball into the story a page and a half from the end. The children who died were, naturally, as so often happens, just android substitutes for the real kids. Well, isn't that convenient.

ACTION COMICS!


And the story ends with Superman being assigned even more work to cure this idiot of his radioactivity. No wonder Supes stopped winking at the reader in the final panel and just started rolling his eyes.

Meanwhile, enjoy the Carmine Infantino-style floor tiles.


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