Do you hear what I read?

Onomatopoeia: yes, it's so much more than a lame-ass Kevin Smith supervillain: it's the words that attempt to approximate the sounds and noises of our everyday lives. Now imagine if our lives weren't so ordinary, and we lived in a superhero universe? Wouldn't that blow your mind to hear the sounds that go on there? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Well, don't go blowing up your brain just because you want to see the written equivalent of Batman eating a soggy tomato (bat-squisshhhhhh) or Wolverine popping his claws into cotton candy (sniffffff): as a service to you all, Comics Oughta Be Fun! presents The Far-Out World of Comic Book Sound Effects, or "Pop Goes the Words on the Easel!"



Here's an early one from the Marvel Universe, Avengers #23, in which a fleet-footed Quicksilver learns the lesson of eating all those greasy pizzas and chicken wings. No wonder Crystal wouldn't go with him to the Junior Prom until Hawkeye slipped Quicksilver a tube of "Super Stridex for Mutants." It not only cleared up Pietro's skin...it cleared up his dating prospects! Sadly, Crystal was still not very happy with Pietro's "quick hands."




In this panel from Iron Man Annual #3, Ol' Tinface Tony reflects that if he was big and stupid he'd be a hazard to himself and others. Um, you mean like in Civil War, Tony? Haw! But I kids the Iron Man. Here he takes to heart the old zen instruction of perfect markmanship: when shooting, aim beyond your target, not at it. Of course, that's gonna leave you with either a very odd sound effect...or possibly the answer to the question you'll have when you look at a classic issue of Man-Thing: "Say, which artist is that right there?"




Here's a classic sound effect from Giant-Size Werewolf #5 (more economical per washload than your regular-sized werewolf!)




No, not this one. That's the title, not the sound effect...




...but rather, this one, which refers to exactly what you'll need to ingest to be able to understand this comic book story.




Big-Ass Werewolf issue #5 also features this original and outstanding onomatopoeia. I'm not certain whether that's the sound effect of a wizard's head bouncing, however, or the sound you'll make when you see the wizard's head bouncing. Extensive tests with Professor Dumbledore and a chain saw have thus so far proved inconclusive.




No, no, no, sound effect of Marvel Team-Up v.2 #10. That's actually a Speedo. A Speedo.




"I'll take 'Sound Effects from What If #50 that describe something which would never happen at San Diego Comic-Con' for five hundred, Alex?"




Let's wrap up with a rare (for me!) DC example: Superboy #217. Because nobody, and I mean nobody, write a sound effect quite like Mike Grell.




So, remember, folks, the sound of one hand clapping may be boring. Until you put it on the comic book page and it sounds like