X is for Fun!

Give up? I betcha do! Ha!

What's wrong with this magazine cover? And what's an Incredibles movie without Spencer Fox?:



A: There's no dash!

Take a closer look at that X-Men typography. They've spelled it "Xmen"! (Or, if you want to be charitable, maybe they thought that Wolverine's claws made a pretty good dash.) You know how obsessed with comic book logos I am, so this one lept right out at me.

You get this a lot with the media misspelling Peter Parker's alter ego as "Spiderman"... (or, to quote two of my favorite friends):

Phoebe: Hey! Why isn't it "Spiderman?" You know, like Goldman, or Silverman?
Chandler: It's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No. It's not like...like "Phil Spiderman". He's a Spider-Man. You know, like, uh, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold-Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay!...There should be a "Gold-Man!"

Still, I betcha Marvel Comics would never make the same silly mistake, right? Right?:



In the words of Father O'Bully: Holy cow! Somebody stole your dash, X-Men! And for quite a long time—the revised, dashless logo ran on Uncanny X-Men from #394 (June 2001) to #443 (July 2004). Why, that's 'xactly the same period of time Grant Morrison's New X-Men revamped the franchise (until much of it was foolishly and arrogantly ignored, reversed, or retconned by Marvel, about five minutes after Morrison left the building). Morrison's New X-Men also has no dash in the logo—a cleverly designed piece of typography that read the same upside-down or right-side up:



All this dashlessness leads me to 'member somethin' from a Amazing Heroes Preview Special oh, years and years ago. I can't find it on the internet at all, so will somebody please tell me if I'm remembering this right or if it's just a delusional li'l stuffed-brain false memory: during the black-and-white boom, wasn't there some indie publisher trying to publish a book called "Xmen," arguing that without the dash, it wasn't Marvel's trademark? (I distinctively remember the publisher insisting the title of the book would be pronounced "schmen.") Anybody else 'member this? Besides the Marvel lawyers, that is?

What's all this got to do with it bein' the opening day of X-Men: The Last Stand, you might ask? Not that much, except to tell you I did see the film this afternoon in the tipper-top of the monolithic AMC Empire 25 on 42nd Street in beuatiful Midtown Manhattan. (Say! Isn't that the same movie theater Luke Cage had offices next to, in the pre-multiplex days of the wild Times Square of the 1970s? I've gotta check my Essential Luke Cage again and find out.)

Anyway, one-word review? Fun! A two-fisted, six-clawed, rip-roaring, big bucket-o'-popcorn summer fun action adventure. Two hooves up!

Despite the heavy themes of mutants under attack by political, medical and social pressures, it takes itself a little less seriously than X2, and there's plenty of elements to please both the hardcore fans (a couple Fastball Specials, a Sentinel—or at least its head, the Danger Room, "Oh my stars and garters") and the non-comics folks. The effects and fight sequences are pretty cool, and lightyears behind the limitations of "let's only have one-on-one fights" of the first film—we actually see the X-Men working as a team in this movie. Kelsey Grammer is the standout for me in this one: he looks and sounds great as The Beast, and his stunt double/CGI model turns in some impressive bouncing attack moves in the film's final big fight. (Hey Hollywood, make an Avengers Two movie with Kelsey as the Beast and Tom Selleck as Wonder Man!) Magneto's effects are especially impressive, culiminating in an amazing highjacking of the Golden Gate Bridge, and Ian McKellan proves once again the MVP of the X-films by playing this role like Shakespeare...yet seemingly having a ball doing so. (Seriously, superhero filmmakers...never forget you need good actors in your film as well as cool costumes and effects!) The film crams a lot of plot and a lot of mutants into less than two hours, so not everybody gets a fair shake (I think James Marsden got royally cheated out of this entire franchise), but most of the new mutants (ha!) get a scene or two to show off, including a funny Kitty Pryde versus Juggernaut chase and a wiseacre Madrox fake-out. The changes to the source material that might raise the hackles of a few hardcore fans doesn't bother me: there's no need to complicated a movie by trying to explain the Marvel Universe version of The Juggernaut, f'r instance. (Same reason the changes to the timeline in The Fellowship of the Rings actually worked better for a movie: the compressed journey to Rivendell heightened the sense of urgency and panic that would have been diluted on screen with a visit to Tom Bombadil or an overnight at Crickhollow. What works on the page can sometimes be strengthened for screen reasons, fanboys!)

If I've got any quibble with the film is that the Phoenix storyline turns a little darker than I expected, sacrificing a couple major characters (and eventually a lot of evil mutants) for no solid reason except just to show she's Evil with a Capital E, but Famke Janssen makes such a convincing big wicked witch that's it's fun to watch her chew up the scenery (and Wolverine's lower lip: yes, the scene pictured on Uncanny X-Men #394 above kinda appears in the movie). Bad Phoenix! Bad, bad, bad! Still, no surprise to James Bond fans who knew her as back-crackin' Xenia Onatopp! Hah! You can't pull that trick on a guy with an adamantium spine, Jean!

PS: You're a sucker if you leave before the credits are over. And if you really believe this is the final X-Men movie. Next up...X-Men: The Next Generation? I dunno, but I'm gettin' in line right now!