Thursday, April 17, 2014

I will never ever ever get tired of this gag

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 107: The US Army's Sunday Punch Super-Missile (M1-472)

Welcome to the Atomic Age...and that Trajectile to Astonish, the Sunday Punch Missile!

Panel from "To Live Again!" in Tales to Astonish #70 (August 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Esposito, letters by Artie Simek

The Sunday Punch Missile launches copies of the 1942 MGM film of the same name at its target, thus bombing them...with a capital B (for B-movie). General "Thunderbolt" Ross and Major Glenn "Betty's Second Choice" Talbot have launched it...well, not at the Hulk, but at one of the Leader's giant plastic behemoth super-robots! Still, I'm betting they won't be too broken up if the Hulk gets blown into teeny-weeny green pieces at the same time. It's two for the price of one at Gamma Savings Days! Everybody wins!

Splash page from "Like a Beast at Bay!" in Tales to Astonish #72 (September 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Esposito, letters by Artie Simek

To paraphrase Mr. Slim Shady:
Please don't drop bomb on Hulk
Major Talbot, please don't drop the bomb Hulk
Drop bomb on them
I don't want no doggone beef
See? Ain't no reason to sick dogs on Hulk
Drop bomb on 'em
Please don't drop bomb on Hulk!

Yes, it's the Marvel Universe's United States Army. When you absolutely, positively have to drop a big-ass atomic bomb in your own country.

Luckily, we're told, the Sunday Punch does not spread radioactivity: it simply bombs the poop of things. Wait a minute, why has the Army never used another one of these things? Why wouldn't they just launch it at the caves with Osama bin Laden-616? Or, at the very least, the Skrulls. Did you guys forget how to make this thing?

Luckily, the Hulk uses the blast of the bomb to jump into the upper atmosphere, high enough to see the curvature of the earth, and then falls back to the ground without suffering any major reentry burning or freezing of his and Rick's lungs, because comic books.

In the 1966 Hulk cartoon series, the Sunday Punch Missile (at minute 4:02) is mistakenly referred to as "M-472" (it's missing 1 1: "M1-472") and is colored red, white, and blue. It's the Captain Americmissile!

It also features the greatest overacting ever in the Marvel Super Heroes series—stick around for the last couple lines of the episode.

So, to conclude: Sunday Punch!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 106: Nick Fury's Desk Telephone at SHIELD

Avengers Mansion has ordinary everyday phones. Not to mention some kick-ass black light framed velvet psychedelic art that Tony Stark picked up in a gas station parking lot in El Paso.

Panels from "A Time to Die — A Time to Live!" in Tales of Suspense #95 (November 1967), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Artie Simek

On the other hand only a few pages later, check out Nick Fury's awesome KirbyTech phone from S.H.I.E.L.D.*—a masterwork of incredible design that implants the most up-to-date space-age communications tech mounted on a desk lamp.

Well, at least it's not as complicated as SHIELD's Inter-Continental Phone Hook-Up Harness. On the other hand, it's not as streamlined as the Fantastic Four's telephone. And, I just gotta ask...why would you put your phone on your desk on your blind side?

In any case, Nick's phone is not the world's coolest spy phone. Which one is, you ask? Why, what else but...

*Spitcurls Have Infiltrated Every Life-Model Decoy

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 105: A Wakandan Exercise Machine for the Thing

Panels from Fantastic Four (1961 series) #54 (September 1966), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Sam Rosen

Saturday, April 12, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 102: The Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns

Hey, it's the Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns!

Page from Captain America (1968 series) #109 (January 1969), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Syd Shores, letters by Artie Simek

Wow, that's some far out, fantastic KirbyTech there! (I'm hopin' it swivels!) But how on Earth do we know it's the Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns?

Oh. Thanks, Steve!

Then Cap and Bucky blow it up.

Aw, it was all just a flashback!

Friday, April 11, 2014

The Brave and the Bold starring Batman and Angel Love

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 101: The Skywalker's Destruction Ray

Two whole years before Star Wars hit the silver screen with the pew-pew-pew sound of zippy blasters, Denny O'Neil and Jack Kirby brought us the adventurers of a guy called...Skywalker*!

Cover of Justice, Inc. (1975 series) #2 (July-August 1975), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Royer, colors by Tatjana Wood, letters by Gaspar Saladino

*No relation.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Comics News for April 10, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 100: Bruce Banner's T-Gun

What is...the T-Gun?!?

Panel from "Not All My Power Can Save Me!" in Tales to Astonish #75 (January 1966), script by Stan Lee, layouts by Jack Kirby, finishes by Mike Esposito, letters by Sam Rosen

Wow! Whatever it is, it's big. Oh, that's it! The "T" must stand for...titanic!

Anyway, in a twist (hey, the T must stand for...twist!), Bruce Banner's mysterious T-Gun is used to target (hey, the T must stand!)...the Incredible Hulk! Hey, the T must stand for...THE!

Here comes the countdown! Five! Four! Three! Hey, the T must stand for...three! Two! Hey, the T (gets strangled off camera)


And that (hey!...), ladies and gentlemen, is the last anyone ever saw of the Incredible Hulk. The End! (Hey!...)

And so, along with the Hulk, Washington DC was destroyed, and no one ever saw it again.

Well, seeing as the Hulk has been sent through time to the future and displaced in in time, we'll never be able to know what the "T" stands for in this time-shooting gun that moved Hulk forward in time. Just as a guess, I think that the "T" must stand for...TALES TO ASTONISH!

Or, possibly, television cartoon!

Marvel Super Heroes: The Incredible Hulk in "Terror of the T Gun" (November 23, 1966)


Today in Comics History: A plan is hatched that is so crazy, it just might work

Panels from "Crime: Kidnaping! Victim: Abraham Lincoln!" in Crimefighters #4 (November 1948), pencils and inks by John Buscema

Today in Comics History: Lex Luthor spends 12 hours stealing 40 cakes

Splash panel from Action Comics #521 (July 1981), script by Gerry Conway, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Frank Chiaramonte, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by John Costanza

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 99: SHIELD's Scramble Helmet

"You know SHIELD's stand on psychics — they don't exist." — Victoria Hand, Marvel's Agents of SHIELD

Panels from "Operation: Brain Blast!" in Strange Tales #141 (February 1966), plot and pencils by Jack Kirby, dialogue by Stan Lee, inks by Frank Giacoia, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Sam Rosen

Well, Nick Knows-It-All-Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.*, if psi-agents don't exist, then you need to go to your Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe and tear out the page for Mentallo! And for Medusa, 'coz she's on the flip side of the page.

Aside from the power to project flashbacks on his nifty red helmet, Mentallo is cursed with internal exposition, which lets us and anybody sitting next to him at that particular Starbuck's that he's going to attack SHIELD! Which, to be honest, isn't that unusual. Guys attack SHIELD two or three times a day. Last week they were attacked seven times alone by Gary Busey. But, to be honest, that isn't that unusual for Gary Busey either.

So, what is SHIELD doing to protect itself from the villainous rampage of a guy who can think really hard at you? Well, for one, SHIELD agents are now locking that back door that Clay Quartermain keeps propping open. Also, they're trying to trick mole agents by walking into a room and casually asking "Hey, who here likes Hydra?" Also: they have developed the Scramble Helmet.

Cover of Strange Tales #141 (February 1966), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Frank Giacoia, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek

Here's a closer look at the Scramble Helmet (not to be confused with the Scrabble Helmet, which inserts seven randomly chosen letters into your brain, usually seven consonants or seven vowels, mostly Es).

Here's how the Scramble Helmet works. Please note that I've tossed in, for no extra cost, the special KirbyTech Rocket Pistol! Who says this isn't the Boisterous Bully Age of Bombastic Bargains?

Yes, it's the ultimate in undetectable covert secret agent wear: a big-ass space helmet with an aerial on it. What, they couldn't get cable on those things?

So remember: don't yield, back the Brain Scrambler's psychic shield!

*Scramble Helmet Is Exceptionally Lovely, Donchathink?

Today in Comics History: Delicious pumpkin pie is enjoyed by all

Panels from The Road to Oz #5 (April 2013), script by Eric Shanower, pencils and inks by Skottie Young, colors by Jean-François Beaulieu, letters by Jeff Eckleberry