Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun!

Friday, January 31, 2014

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 31: The Soul Gun

The Soooooooooooooul Gun! The hippest trip in outer space!

Seems like a really complicated machine just to slice deli meat.

Panel from "Soul Gun Warrior" in 2000 AD Progs 867-872 (25 December 1993-28 January 1994), script by Alan McKenzie, pencils and inks by Shaky Kane

The Soul Gun! America's last, best hope against the deadly mysteries of unexplored space! When the US space shuttle Enterprise is attacked in orbit, the President's only recourse is to seek out to the greatest scientific mind the country has to offer: the giant disembodied floating head of Dr. Robert Oppenheimer!

'To me, my X-...oh, it's you, Mister President.'

'To me, my X-...oh, it's you, Mister President.'

Based in Nevada's futuristic Atomic City, Oppenheimer brings the President and the head of the CIA to his KirbyTecture laboratory complex, only slightly more glitzy than its Las Vegas counterparts just down Route 15. Sorry, however: there is no 99¢ shrimp cocktail in Atomic City.

'Shut up? Why, certainly! You don't think I'm the type that would keep on blabbin'? Some people never know when to stop. When I'm told to shut up, I shut up...' 'Shut up shuttin' up!'

'Shut up? Why, certainly! You don't think I'm the type that would keep on blabbin'? Some people never know when to stop. When I'm told to shut up, I shut up...' 'Shut up shuttin' up!'

Oppenheimer's protegé, young test pilot Kim West, straps himself in to the world's most futuristic Lay-Z-Boy to prepare for the amazing rays of the Soul Gun!

'His next stop is the Twilight Zone?' 'I didn't say that.'

'His next stop is the Twilight Zone?' 'I didn't say that.'

He's wearing those cool Kirby shades so his eyes won't explode from the sheer wonder of the Soul Gun! Ready the countdown! Three...two...one...

'He shot my ketchup packets!'

Whoops. Well, that was interesting. Tomorrow, we'll be...

Wait, there's more? (Yes.) After shooting him point blank through the head, Dr. Oppenheimer's amazing device can now send Kim's soul anywhere in the universe! Except, as it turns out, Brooklyn Decker's dressing room. There are some things that are just beyond man's capacity to handle.

'Clean-up on Soul Gun Four!'

AW COOL OPPENHEIMER INVENTED PROFESSOR XAVIER'S FLOATING WHEELCHAIR and also he sent Kim's spirit-essence to the moon. To the moon, ~~Alice~~ Kim!

'Professor, planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do, over.'

'Professor, planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do, over.'

Kim is not alone in outer space...

'Eweryone knows the Soul Gun was inwented by a little old lady from Leningrad.'

...he's being haunted by the vengeful evil ghost of Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin! Gene Roddenberry was right, there are Russians in outer space!

Well, neither does John LeCarre, and he's doing all right with it.

Well, neither does John LeCarre, and he's doing all right with it.

Gagarin's is the one behind the attacks on American spacecraft, and only Kim West's soul can save us now! He's got all the power to do it...he needs a cool theme tune by Queen, though.

'Pull my Kirby finger! It's square at the end!'

'Pull my Kirby finger! It's square at the end!'

And now, BATTLE FOR A THREE-DIMENSIONAL WORLD!

'No! I must get moose and squirrel!'

America wins the day (natch!), and Kim's essence returns to his body. Luckily, they've put one of those big Band-Aid™ strips on his forehead. And it turns out that Kim can do this six more time before his seventh soul runs out!

'You'll be invading Afghanistan with them!'

'You'll be invading Afghanistan with them!'

Anyone want to hazard a guess as to how many episodes this feature could possibly run?

1 comment:

Blam said...: I had to drop by this post ASAP 'cause my ears were burning. Not as much as that dude who got soulgunned in the head, probably, but still…

Do you think Oppenheimer's proteg&233; knows Klar Ken T-5477?; 2/01/2014 10:58 PM