How does Batman's mother call him to dinner?*

I've been guilty in the past (for example, here and here) of making the accusation that Batman can't tell a joke. Now, however, after much urging from the Batman Anti-Defamation Society (B.A.D.S.), I present some compelling arguments that Batman can indeed tell a joke. And you'll laugh. Oh, you bet you are gonna laugh.


Panels from Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #131 (July 2000), script by Dennis O'Neil, pencils by Sergio Cariello, inks by Matt Ryan, colors by Rick Taylor, letters by Willie Schubert

Well, that's only because he hasn't had any needlepoint prep time. Anyway, what do you think he keeps Harold around for? Harold's a master with the cross-stitch. (As seen in Batman's Friends and Foes #54, "The Nefarious Needlepoint Nonsense!," March 1957)

A long-time professional at battle insane criminal masterminds based on Alice's Adventures In Wonderland like the Mad Hatter, Tweedledee and Tweeledum, and Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, Batman's pretty well acquainted with humor of the absurd. It's been rumored the Dark Knight has up to three dozen joke writers on staff to generate these quips for him, most of them locked in shackles in a lower level of the Batcave. They also script-write the TV show Whitney.


Panels from JLA Classified #1 (January 2005), script by Grant Morrison, pencils by Ed McGuiness, inks by Dexter Vines, colors by Dave McCaig, letters by Phil Balsman

But if there's anything Batman does well, it's dark. His favorite type of night? Dark. (Also, his favorite type of knight.) His favorite publishing company? Why, Dark Horse, of course. His favorite kind of candy bar? Milky Way Dark. The way he takes his coffee? Milk, two sugars, in a styrofoam cup. And his favorite type of humor? Oh, man, you gotta believe it's darrrrrrk.


Panels from Batman & Superman Adventures: World's Finest one-shot (February 1997), script and co-plot by Paul Dini, co-plot by Alan Burnett, pencils by Joe Staton, inks by Terry Beatty, colors by Linda Medley, letters by Albert DeGuzman

Even Harley had to laugh at that one.

Look, I know. Batman is not gonna give stand-up greats like George Carlin, Lenny Bruce or Bill Hicks a run for their money on the stage of Dangerfield's. (Then again, let's see one of them bring in the Joker!) But even if Batman isn't the number one jokester in the DC Universe, at least I'm sure we can find somebody who's worse at telling a joke on Earth-1, right?


Panels from Justice League of America v.1 #112 (July-August 1974), script by Len Wein, pencils by Dick Dillin, inks by Dick Giordano, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Ben Oda

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why they keep Green Arrow around the DC Universe: so nobody else feels like they're the worst at anything.


* 'My mother is DEAAAAAAAAAAD!'