I get by with a little help from my friends

I have myself the bestest pals. Mind you, I like bein' pals with everybody. (Except those senators on the take on Capital Hill with whom I have made myself powerful enemies). But if you really think you wanna be a really good pal with a little stuffed bull, well, I'm not bribeable, but I am impressed by free gifts of hot waffles, twinberry syrup, creamery butter, and original art.

That's only one of my favorite friends Boston's favorite son of fun, Kevin Church, Mister BeaucoupKevin, Lord of The Rack*, Ground Control for The Loneliest Astronauts**, and...um...the guy who writes She Died in Terrebonne***. (There! Did I get in all my up-to-date plugs in, Mister C.?) It's not even my birthday, and Kevin sent me a dandy present: a commissioned color sketch of Ben Grimm as Blackbeard drawn by my favoritest artist, Colleen Coover! It's an overload of delightful-osity!


Arrrr, click me to blow me up, ye scurvy dog!

Man oh man, that some kind of wonderful. Thank you Kevin, thank you Colleen! You guys, much like Ben Grimm, totally rock.

Looks like I've got quite a good start on my "Wall o' Colleen Coover" with this and some of my other Colleen art, like the wonderful portrait of yours little stuffed truly she sent me for my birthday:


Click image to bubble-size

And there's the Colleen Coover Zatanna sketch I won on eBay from Comix4Sight, auctioning of lovely collectible things to raise funds to help John Ostrander in his fight against glaucoma.



It's a wonderful piece of art and a fantastic cause, and you can help too: Comix4Sight has more great items up for bidding on eBay that'll contribute to the fundraising.

So, I have the bestest pals, and the niftiest original art. I've got just about everything I need in the world!

Almost everything. (Hint, hint:)


*Co-created with Benjamin Birdie.
**Co-created with Ming Doyle.
***Co-created with T. J. Kirsch.
****And don't forget (even tho' I momentarily did!) Lydia, co-created with Max Riffner.

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 280: What If? Week, Day 4

Gag panel from What If? v.1 #34 (August 1982), script and art by Joe Albelo

Oh dear. Earth-82834. Less said the better, huh?

Those who forget history are doomed to star in a cheesy Top Cow comic book

Hey, look who it is! Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. Archaeologist-adventurer. Countess of Abbingdon. Clever as a whip. Daring as an eagle. Pretty as a picture. Dumber than a bag of hammers.

Yup. I went there. Deal with it, fanboys! Those of you who've spent umpteen hours wriggling Ms. Croft around caves and tombs, past alligators and mummies, picking off tigers and rabid monkeys with unlimited ammo have probably never considered how rock-stupid Lara is. Need more proof? Think about it: how long did it take you to train her to climb up a wall? Hours 'n' hours 'n' hours, I bet. And she probably died every time.

Want more non-video-game proof, bucky? How about the box office take for her two movies? (Haw!) Oh, wait, here's a better example of what I mean. For a woman who is supposedly as knowledgeable about historical events—she was designed to be a pneumatic Indiana Jones—Ms. Croft displays a shocking and possibly dangerously deadly ignorance of twentieth-century cultural history when she goes out on a motorcycle ride. As they say in the Latin primers, Viz.:

Two-page spread from Tomb Raider #25 (November 2002), script by John Ney Rieber, pencils by Michael Turner assisted by Joel Gomez, inks by Jonathan Sibal and Billy Tan, colors by Jonathan D. Smith, Tyson Wengler, and Brian Buccellato, letters by Robin Spehar and Dennis Heisler*

Click image to double-D-size

I call shenanigans on that image. No way can Lara get that kind of height without whirling mighty Mjolnir around.

Anyway, so you're asking me, what's so dumb about that image? Go ahead: Google "how did Isadora Duncan die". I'll wait here for ya.



Find it? Yep. You are basically looking at how Lara Croft will accidentally kill herself. (Frankly, though, I wouldn't get all choked up over it.)

Then again, this is the issue where Lara gets turned into an Ice Vulcan:



So. Suspension of disbelief? Why, you'd need underwires to keep that much disbelief suspended, lifted, and separated that high.

*I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure that exceeds the U.S. Recommended Daily Requirement of Creators on a Top Cow Comic Book.

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 279: What If? Week, Day 3

Panels from What If? v.1 #36 (December 1982), script and art by John Byrne, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Joe Rosen

Cast your peepers on Earth-8212, a world where Reed Richards apparently thought it wasn't such a good idea to steal a rocketship and carry his girlfriend and her kid brother into a cosmic ray storm. Minimum safety requirement equals no superpower equals no Fantastic Four...but it does give birth to The Richards Rocket Group, a quartet of adventurers (including Ben Grimm) who battle evil despite having no superpowers. Also, they got cool hats 'n' guns. Wonder how well those will help against Galactus, huh?

Love Stinks

As Obi-Wan Kenobi once told us in that movie, "Love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!" When he said that, what he told you was true...from a certain point of view. And me? Well, I've read Marvel's Silver Age romance comics. Those, and the first music video I ever saw on MTV, told me a different story. I mean, I'd trust a Jedi if I needed to chop somebody's arm off...but, when it comes to love, everybody knows that only Stan Lee and Peter Wolf know the true score. Take it away, boys!


You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win




And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry




I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure




Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah




Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah




Two by two and side by side
Love's gonna find you, yes it is
You just can't hide




You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then love will fly
It's gonna soar




I don't care for any Casanova thing
All I can say is
Love stinks




Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah




Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah




I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks



All panels from Teen-Age Romance #86 (March 1962), featuring work by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Tom Scheuer, Gene Colan, and Vince Colletta as The Beaver.

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah

---

Special bonus: let's look at the actual ads in Teen-Age Romance #86, featuring all the things a proper young lady will need to land her special man!:

Beautiful hands! And strong nails to claw your rival's eyes out!

A slim and slender figure! Plus, breathing problems throughout your entire high school years!

Plenty of bling! Fool your friends! Make your boyfriends jealous! Enrage Leonardo DiCaprio, star of Blood Diamond!

Booze, sweet booze.

---

Even more special bonus: The special "Love Stinks" remix of the text story from Teen-Age Romance #86!:



So remember, everybody...love sti...

...um...what was I saying?

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 278: What If? Week, Day 2

Panel from What If? v.2 #30 (October 1991), script by Jim Valentino, pencils by Dale Eaglesham, inks by Pat Redding, colors by Tom Vincent, letters by Ken Bruzenak

This is Earth-91111, the multiverse that answers the burning question "What If Ben Grimm was Jack Ruby?" (and, where he dated Susan Anton, apparently.) But, um, also, there's some stuff in there about Susan Richards dying and her daughter being a devil child. But never forget...Ben Grimm killed Lee Harvey Oswald.

Ten of a Kind: It's you, girl, makin' it spin

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 277: What If? Week, Day 1

What if... you could travel to parallel worlds? The same year, the same Earth, only a different dimension. A world where the Russians rule America, or where your dreams of becoming superstar came true, where Captain America was elected President, or where Nick Fury fought World War II in spaaaaaaaaaaaaace! Uatu, The Watcher, can see into these parallel worlds, and observe the small variations that lead to...different Things. Watch along with Uatu and witness only seven of the infinite numbers of Ben Grimms...and ask yourself the bewildering question...

Panels from What If? v.1 #1 (February 1977), script by Roy Thomas, pencils by Jim Craig, inks by Pablo Marcos, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by John Costanza
(Click picture to multiverse-size)

Welcome to Earth-772, a world where instead of rejecting Spider-Man's application to the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards admitted the young webslinger to their team, necessitating all new emblems, plus an end to all those "four" puns in the titles of FF stories. This world was the first ever seen in What If?, in the debut issue in February 1977, and the story of this altered universe continued in What If? #21 (June 1980). And even if you don't have the 20/2 to the power of infinity vision of Uatu, you can still read all about What If? #1 at Siskoid's Blog of Geekery! So read, enjoy, and keep watching the multiverse!

Separated at Birth: Clobber a pose, there's nothing to it

L: Cover of Fantastic Four #51 (June 1966), art by Jack Kirby and Joe Sinnott
R: Panel from Marvel Feature #11 (September 1973), art by Jim Starlin and Joe Sinnott
(Click picture to Grimm-size)

See also.

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 276 (with bonus Saturday Afternoon Cartoon!)

Marvel Comics ad for the 1978 Fantastic Four cartoon series, featuring the first appearance of H.E.R.B.I.E.

Noticeably absent from this version: the Human Torch. A false urban legend had it that Johnny Storm was removed from the series for fear kids would try to imitate his powers—actually, since the Human Torch character had been signed to another studio for development, he couldn't be used in the series. Here's how they explained it within the FF universe:


Panel from Fantastic Four #209 (August 1979), script by Marv Wolfman, breakdowns by John Byrne, pencils and inks by Joe Sinnott, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski

Yes, of course that was an urban legend. Because no kid is that stupid as to set himself on fire to be just like the Human Torch. Isn't that right, John Byrne?


Panel from Fantastic Four #285 (December 1985), script and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Al Gordon, colors by Glynis Oliver

Um, let's move along. Nothing more to see here, folks...

...except this Saturday Afternoon Cartoon which shows you the glory and the grandeur that is FF '78!

Because you demanded it!

From The Onion News Network

365 Days with Ben Grimm, Day 275

Panel from Amazing Spider-Man #590 (June 2009), script by Dan Slott, pencils by Barry Kitson, inks by Mark Farmer, colors by Dean V. White, letters by Joe Caramagna
(Click picture to god-size)

Our cat/Is a very very very fine cat/With two c...uh oh.

This is me and my kittycat Gus. Say hi to the nice blog-reading people, Gus!



Today is Gus's birthday, so please join me in wishing her a Happy Birthday! Today she is nineteen years old. Which is a very good age to be. That's also quite elderly for a cat! In human years she is...let's see...carry the seven...one thousand and thirty-three years old. Which is almost as old as Vandal Savage. I very much like taking care of Gus and opening her canned food and brushing her and feeding her snacks. I am not as keen on cleaning her litter box, but hey! You have to take care of your kittycat. I scoop the poop and put it in bags. When I run out of bags I sometimes grab a Mylar comics bag to scoop her poop into. But I wonder...am I supposed to put a backing board in there, too?

To celebrate her birthday, here's one of Gus's favorite cool cats, Mister Carl Perkins, giving us the musical sartorial suggestion to "Put Your Cat Clothes On." I'll go get into my cat outfit immediately! Take it away, C.P.!:



So, in short: Happy Birthday, Gus!