Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Loose lips sink ships

Let me do the talking!...so nobody tell FDR that Sergeant Nick Fury is a blabbermouth! What's that you say? The consummate Army man, the tough son of a gun who bleeds khaki and spits bullets, is a lousy yellow-bellied troop-movement-fact-giver-outer? The pride of Easy Company? (No, not the one with Sergeant Rock...the other Easy Company.) The hard as nails never-shaved still-two-eyed Nick Fury? How can this be, you ask yourself, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea? How can this be? Well, maybe if Fury would stop publishing the details of America's military might in the back pages of his own furshlugginer comic book!!!

He gives away secrets of Allied armaments! To be fair, of Axis weaponry as well, but that's no excuse, Fury!
Sgt. Fury #4
from Sgt. Fury #4 (November 1963)

And here's the US Army's secret hand-signals! Not shown: the one fingered salute he gives those lousy Ratzis! (If British, add an extra finger.)
Sgt. Fury Annual #1
from Sgt. Fury Annual #1 (1965)

No need to let Herr Schiklgrüber know what our tanks, guns, and war-bound livestock cost, Nick...when after all we all know the true cost...human lives! (bum bum bum!)
Sgt. Fury #6
from Sgt. Fury #6 (March 1964)

What's that, Fury? Let's publish the details of some more guns in your lousy comics? And sell them at newsstands where "kindly old" Mister Bimmler and Goseph Joebbels down the street can pick 'em up? They aren't in it for the investment, Nick...uh, uh, no way! How can I tell, you ask? They don't put the comics in Mylar snugs!
Sgt. Fury #5
from Sgt. Fury #5 (January 1964)

Who do you think you are kidding, Mister Hitler? You don't have to have spies to capture the secrets of the B-26 bomber...just pick up this month's issue of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Who Give Secrets Away in the Back-Up Section Just Before the Letters Column and Stan's Bullpen Bulletins (only 12 American cents per copy!)
from Sgt. Fury #14 (January 1965)
Click picture to big-size...if you're a traitor!

Yes, that's the Martin Marauder...not to be confused with the Martian Manhunter!
Martian Manhunter

This diagram of Fury's base in Dover, England, gives every element of the layout away to the enemy. The only detail that's missing? All those bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover!
from Sgt. Fury Annual #1 (1965)
Click picture to bilden Sie Ihnen, Naziabschaum jeden Detailfreien raum!

Now here's something you don't see every day...if you're a Nazi spy!: Nick Fury and Easy Company's base of operations! Won't Uncle Adolph be happy to see that Stan Lee and Dick Ayers are visiting that day. Bomb the place now and the world need never face the horrors of...Ravage 2099!
Nick Fury's Army base of operations, from Sgt. Fury Annual #1
from Sgt. Fury Annual #1 (1965)
Click picture to catch all the hilarious off-color Army men banter...
before you blow 'em up!

But in the end, it's all part of a massive disinformation planned down to the finest detail by Fury's CO, General "Happy" Sam Sawyer! The Ratzis ain't gettin' their hands on a single copy of these comic books...instead they'll be carpet bombed by thousands of these colorful portraits of a guy who will soon be wah-hooing his way into Berlin and storming up to Hitler's Bertesgarten to put his stone-hard fist right in der Fuhrer's face! You go get 'em, Fury! Waaaaaah-hooooooo!
Nick Fury
from Sgt. Fury #12 (November 1964)


Chris Tolworthy said...

You think that's bad? Britain's Eagle comic, in the height of the cold war (the 1950s) had high quality CUT-AWAY DIAGRAMS of warships, aircraft etc. that were STIL IN SERVICE, and all printed on large format high quality paper! I hear that nice Mr Burgess at HM Government always bought four copies - so he could give them to his friends McLean, Philby and Blunt...

Harvey Jerkwater said...

Those hand signals are all wrong. Misinformation, meant to confuse enemies.

I served in the Marvel Comics US Army during two recent crossover events, and I can tell you what they really mean. (Don't worry, they've been declassified.)

"Attacking gnomes are this tall. Aim accordingly."

1. "If anybody has to use the little dogfaces' room, raise your hand."

2. Signal for a passing big rig to blow its horn.

3. "Fall down and play dead, and maybe they'll go away."

4. "Hands over crotches, gentlemen. Hands over crotches."

5. "Take that pathetic attempt at Coq au vin back to the kitchen! You call yourself a chef?"

6. "Shrooms kicking in. Have you ever really looked at your hand? I mean looked at it? Whoa."

Anonymous said...

Where did that creepy J'onn J'onzz pic come from? That's good ol' fashion nightmare fuel.

Evan Waters said...

I think that's from the rejected live-action JUSTICE LEAGUE pilot.

Sleestak said...


Justin said...

Like Harvey, I too served during several crossover wars. I was awarded a medal of honor during the Infinity Gauntlet, but when Nebula used her omnipotence to prevent most of the events of the crossover from happening in the first place, my record of service was largely invalidated.

MRAM said...

Fury's intention for "Shock & Awe" to the enemies of this great country of ours resulted in "What & The Fu...?". j/k Even though the enemies knew what we had, they didn't do too well stopping them , now did they? haha. BTW, Fury looks like he's been getting too much sun lately in reference tohis cameo in Iron Man. =) Keep up the great posts!