Run, Aunt Molly, run!!!

So, let's see what's in the newspapers today...HUH?!??!?!?:



Holy cow, it's my Aunt Molly! From the news article:

A wily cow turned the streets of Queens into a Wild West scene Wednesday when it broke out of a halal slaughterhouse and led lasso-toting cops on a merry chase.

The hot-footed heifer made a break from Musa Halal Inc. on Beaver Road, darting through traffic in a desperate attempt to avoid becoming barbecue.

The bolting bovine, weighing about 500 pounds, charged up 109th Ave. in South Jamaica just after 1 p.m. with cops and a butcher in pursuit.

Pedestrians and motorists did double takes, screaming and running as the four-legged fugitive rambled through the asphalt jungle.

As usual, New Yorkers take a careening cow well in stride. Here's some of the commentary from the vox populi:

"I saw this cow running up the street with the police chasing him," said retired bus company owner William Barksdale, 72, of Queens. "I knew the police would eventually win, but she had good spunk."

The breakaway black angus tore up the driveway of Steven Khan's house on 109th Ave., startling him and his buddies as they were discussing the NBA playoffs in his garage.

"We were chilling. I was coming back, taking out the garbage when I saw my friends running," said Kahn, 20. "I'm like, 'Why are you running?'"

...

"It was bugging," barber Paul Echols, 23, said of the rawhide escapee. "I was worried. I'm not used to seeing stuff like that."

Still, I'm pleased as punch to report that Aunt Molly's Great Escape has paid off (even tho' she didn't get her motorcycle over the fence or escape to the Swiss border with her forged papers:

The gallivanting hay-eater's Houdini attempt apparently paid off. City officials said the animal - who they named Molly - will be headed for greener pastures.

"We will find it a home," said Richard Gentles of the city Animal Care and Control. "We're starting to reach out to farm sanctuaries."

Usually that sort of promise, even from someone called "Mister Gentles," is the same thing as saying your old dog is going to live on a farm in the country, where he will be happy and chase balls all day, and no, you can't go to the farm and visit him, it's way too far away. But in this case there is a happy ending for my Aunt Molly, as The Village Voice reported (in their prestigious award-winning "Cow News" section):

Molly, the cow (actually a calf) who escaped her Queens slaughterhouse yesterday, has been placed in protective custody by the city's Animal Care and Control department at a farm in Suffolk country. We are told it is an organic farm, which at first led us to believe Molly would eventually become free-range beef, but the farm's owners say she will be allowed live out her natural lifespan, "eat some good organic hay and hang around with a lot of her friends."

Also, according to the article, she gets to have a bull boyfriend, which is something we all have been wishing for Aunt Molly. She's a much-loved but much-discussed member of our family tree, and her escapes have become legend across the country. Why, only a few years ago she apparently pulled the same shenanigans in Montana and got off the hook the same way!:

GREAT FALLS, Mont. - A cow that escaped last week from a Montana slaughterhouse, leading workers and police on a six-hour chase, will be spared following a wave of popular support, officials said Tuesday.

Del Morris, manager of Mickey’s Packing Plant in Great Falls, said he decided to let the cow live the instant he saw it cross the Missouri River through Great Falls.

We're all jus' hopin' Aunt Molly will relax and settle down now, with no more a-roamin' and a-scapin'. And we certainly all hope there will not be any repeat of the embarrassing incident in the SuperValu supermarket during her recent visit to County Cork, Ireland:



Well, good for you, Aunt Molly. You go, girl!