Zooropa: Be All That You Can Be

Is there anyone in any doubt about where we're going?

You can't properly visit San Diego without having a lovely day out at the world-famous San Diego Zoo, so it's into the rental car bright and early, following Linda Neverlost's spoken GPS instructions to San Diego's beuatiful Balboa Park, heading for the elephants, the zebras, the pandas (pandi?), the octopusses, the giant sharks, the Godzillas, the space monkeys, the Daleks, the...wait a minute, I've got my brochures mixed up. There we go. Lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my!



Even before you walk through the front gates ($34 a pop, but free for little stuffed bulls and otters), the zoo-ey goodness starts. Here's Viney the Elephant, homegrown from a Chia Pet:



My pal Shelly the Little Otter Puppet and i study out complimentary color fold-out map to see where to go first. Let's check out the T-Rex first, Shelly! If we miss feeding time he'll be all logy and sleepy!



If you don't wanna walk all around the park...say, if you're a little stuffed bull who has done a trade show all week long and your hooves are hurtin'...there's plenty of options to tour the zoo:




But for my money, the best trip and the finest view is from the mile-high gondola ride aptly named the Skyfari. It goes way high up and reminds me of being in On Her Majesty's Secret Service! Except no Blofeld goons are shooting at me. Still, Shelly insists on rocking the gondola, and I don't much like that. Have some mercy on a little stuffed bull with a tender tummy, won't you please, Shelly?



From the top of the Skyfari ride it's only a hop, skip, and a zoo-jump to Conrad Poos and His Dancing Polar Bears:



The polar bears are beating the heat by eating carrots. Hey, dude, can I get you a frosty cold Coca-Cola to go with that? It's the (heh heh heh) paws that refreshes!



Zebra are plentiful at the San Diego Zoo. Say, are these guys black with white stripes or white with black stripes? The world may never know.



If you pay attention and read the informative signs, you can learn a lot at the zoo as well. Here I have just learned that you can swipe zebra bottoms across supermarket scanners and see how much they cost. Tee hee...it said "rump"!



Hee hee hee...rump. Ah, okay. Let's see what this sign says...huh...BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!



After much hilarity, it's time to see the pandas. The San Diego pandas are the star attractions of the Zoo and are allowed many special privileges the other animals don't get. For example, the pandas here are let out every night to work on their colorful graffiti and expressive street art:



They may be up all night at work with their tiny panda spraypaints, but luckily there are signs to remind you to let them rest after their nights of artistry:



This is either the queue to see the popular pandas or else the line for the bathroom:



But never fear, Fanda pans...er, I mean Panda fans...the line moves quickly and in no time at all you can gaze in wonder at the bamboo-chompin' cute monochromatic fuzzballs:



Is it exciting seeing them? Why, folks, it's pandamonium!



After that visit I just had to have a panda pal of my very own.



I chose him out of thousands!



There are of course many other animals to see at the zoo. Hakuna matata, huh, guys?:




Here's an animal who'd be really good for opening cans:



EXTREME CLOSE-UP!!!



Before venturing on, I take a brief rest at the Tomb of the Unknown Koala...



...before becoming reacquainted with an old pal. I met this guy two years ago, and he's never forgotten me!



You know, I wish I had one of these elephants to ride around Brooklyn. He'd be faster than the F train and he'd work for peanuts. What's more:plenty of trunk space!



Sometimes you build up such a thirst in the zoo, you need a couple of longnecks:



Here's a rare two-headed giraffe. He doesn't know if he's coming or going! That's just a little giraffe humor.



Shelly is happy to find the otter bedrooms:



And I go to check out some more of the pigs they have here. I'm this far away because frankly, he's pretty stinky:



And so, to the squawks of a Norwegian blue (beautiful plumage!)...



...we end our day at the zoo with a peaceful visits to its small but tranquil Japanese gardens. Here, my bestest pals Randi and Shelly contemplate their lovely day:

...although I think Shelly is actually more interested in the fish!



And so, with one last giggle at the Inappropriate Hippo-Touching Sign...



...our day at the zoo comes to an end. Just remember, to stay safe, take heed of all the signs!



I don't actually bite. I just post sarcastic comments on the internet. So long from the Zoo, everybody!