Friday Night Fights: Duck, Magnum, duck!

Okay, you 'n' I know it's a Friday night in the year 2007, but for just a moment, just a teensy moment, cast your mind back to Thursday nights during the 1980s. Turn on your television, flip to CBS, and watch the greatest freakin' private detective show of all time:



I've written before about the Magnum, P.I. comic annuals I picked up in the UK a while back—apparently these comics never saw print in the US, which is a pity, because there was for a while a whole stack of Magnum, P.I. merchandise: toys, games, books, trading cards, t-shirts, hats, and even the Magnum TV tray—I had one of these and ate my dinner glued to the set watching the Hawaiian adventures of Thomas, Higgins, T.C. and Rick every Thursday night.



Let's get out the TV tray one more time as Magnum fights on Friday night for once. Because if you gotta say one thing about Mister Thomas Sullivan Magnum, it's that he's not only a lover, he's also a fighter:

As our story opens, Magnum's obviously been dating Phoebe Buffay's British sister, who thanks him for the "holiday" as she steps onto her 108-hour flight home:

...until the title of the comic book crashes into the side of the plane and blows it up. Oh, no, wait, it's the work of a saboteur:


The bad guy tries to escape Magnum (I know, I know, what an idiot...didn't he see whose name was the title of the show the opening credits?) by ducking into an airport men's room. Oh yes, because those are good places to give a pursuer that's two feet behind you the slip:


Magnum apparently objects to the bomber's Vitalis-slicked hair (greasy kid stuff!) and attempts to give him a shampoo:


Then there's a whole buncha sleuthing and detective work that doesn't involve fighting, so let's skip over to...


And Magnum swings into action, baby!






Of course, it all ends up on one of O'ahu's tallest skyscrapers (five stories tall!), where Magnum once again wrestles with the bomber in the act four showdown. Mama Bull always told me not to go near the edge of rooftops, and I think this is prob'bly why:



So, happy endings all around. Oh, except for Magnum's girlfriend. Sorry, big guy. He returns to moodily sulk at the airport where three days later the wreckage of the plane is still burning:



So there ya go. Proof positive that in any medium, you don't wanna be at the receiving end of one of Magnum's hairy-knuckled punches. Giggle at his eighties 'stache if you want, but remember: he's had more women than you have hot dinners. You can't argue with those stats.

About all that's missing from this comic story is a classic Magnum car chase accompanied by gunplay. So here's one right here:



Go get 'em, Magnum.


Bahlactus is the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks.