An open letter to the London Eye

Dear London Eye,



Hi hi hi! It's me, your mate, Bully. How are you? I am fine. Well, here's why I'm writing. You know, I am fully aware a lot of people don't like you...they argue you're a blot on the city skyline of one of the greatest metropolises in the world. But even though I'm not personally a big fan of waiting ninety minutes or so for the privilege of paying thirteen to twenty-three quid for a ticket to ride slowly above the capital of London, I've still defended you (most recently here). You're a pleasant and harmless tourist attraction and a well-needed boost to the economy of the South Bank of London, where in addition to you there are some great museums, decent restaurants, shopping, and a very pleasant way to spend a London day. You're a more wholesome and worthwhile tourist trap than, say, The London Dungeon or Winston Churchill's World at War. And unlike the Millennium Dome, the O2 Centre, people actually seem to know what your purpose is. I don't begrudge you your popularity.

And then you have to do this:

London Eye transformed into Fantastic Four advert

The hub of the London Eye was transformed this week with the addition of a two-ton PVC representation of the Silver Surfer from the new Fantastic Four movie. The London Eye features in the film Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer which opens at cinemas this Friday as the Silver Surfer saves the wheel and its passengers from disaster.

...

It took six days to assemble and install the figure which is secured to 32 steel brackets.

The PVC Silver Surfer turns his back on the South Bank. From Jubilee Gardens the figure is just a silhouette; for the full effect it is necessary to view the Eye from north of the river.

Eye, Eye, Eye. I know you're a working Londoner. Like everybody else in my favorite city, you have to pull in extra jobs to make ends meet. Everyone's proud of that neo-Churchillian "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" philosophy. But honestly, Miss Eye...renting yourself out as a billboard to promote a superhero movie? Oh, my, Eye. Oh my.

It's not even that...it's...you're turning your back on the South Bank? Dear Lady Eye, the South Bank is your bread and butter. It's like the Empire State Building shaking hands with New Jersey!

Eye, really. When the O2 Centre Millennium Dome was prominently featured in a James Bond movie, did a giant Pierce Brosnan get plastered on the side of her curvy roof to promote a big-budget Hollywood movie? No, it did not. And that's the Millennium Dome, Eye. The Millennium Dome! Do you want people to think you are easier than the Millennium Dome?

In short, London Eye, I'm not mad at you. Just...a little disappointed. Please think twice next time you have to take a part time job, won't you?

And besides...everybody knows there's only one entertainment franchise classy enough for you to be associated with:


Love, Bully

A tip o' the nose ring to Heidi.