Sunday, February 26, 2017

365 Days of Defiance, Day 57: Justice, Like Lightning

Thanks to the golden tongue of G. Gordon Godfrey (alias Glorious Godfrey of Apokolips, master of persuasion), Darkseid has conquered the Earth! Well, kinda. If nothing else, he's turned the human race against the superheroes in their midst using the most insidious weapon of them all: lying his head off! (See also: Man, Purple; Monger, Hate; Jason, Craig; et al.)

Panels from Legends #6 (April 1987), plot by John Ostrander, script by Len Wein, pencils by John Byrne, inks by Karl Kesel and Dennis Janke, colors by Carl Gafford, letters by Steve Haynie

Who will stand against him? How about the all-new all-different Justice League? Frankly, I don't count it as the Justice League until they get Booster Gold on board, but I'm sure these guys were bwah-ha-ha'ing over something beforehand. Maybe Batman's gung-ho proclamation of "Best invitation I've had all day!" And somewhere in Gotham City, Bat-Mite sheds a tear over this response to his wedding invitation to Bruce Wayne.

How about the all-new, first time appearing in the post-Crisis DC Universe Wonder Woman? And quite possibly the best single syllable to ever come out of Guy Gardner's mouth.

Who else will stand against Darkseid's minions — oh, ick, now I'm pickturing little round yellow sidekicks to Darkseid. Anyway, how about Ronald Reagan, the President with Abs™? They wrecked his favorite necktie!

Oh, wait: that was the J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, masquerading as RR, and proclaiming that he would have done the same for anybody! While silently muttering under his breath "and Oreos."

Who will stand up to Darkseid?!? Hey, how about the stars of DC's new Little Kids comic book...little kids?!?

And the Children Shall Lead Them: it's more than just the name of a pretty mediocre Star Trek episode. It's also the deus ex machina thrown in to solve the artificial problem this story's thrown us over this storyline and its ten thousand tie-in issues! And battered-to-a-pulp Jason Todd agrees!

Then, in a panel I won't show you, Glorious Godfrey pimp-slaps little Lisa. All the blood, devastation, death, war and horror of the past five issues that was caused by Godfrey made the populace turn against the heroes, until he slaps a little girl. And it wasn't even Honey Boo-Boo! Hissssss boooooo! Don't slap kids! (We'll overlook the fact that an unruly crowd beat the snot out of young Robin there a few issues ago.)

Anyway, we now present the new Justice League! Um, take away Flash and Changeling...can you move off-side there, Wonder Woman?...Superman, down in front...okay, there we have it...the new Justice League! They will fight for you and the Earth and never stop, but always remember, if things get rough, have your baddie slap a kid!

1 comment:

Blam said...

You'd think a feller of that age would know where kids come from.
Also: I think J'onn means his Martian physiology, not physiognomy — especially since he was assuming Reagan's appearance.