Panels from Spider-Woman #8 (November 1978), script by Marv Wolfman, pencils by Carmine Infantino, inks by Al Gordon, colors by Francoise Mouly, letters by John Costanza
Judging from the way Jerry oh, that's his name! meanders in his "let's make out" speech, you would be mistaken in guessing this is one of the issues of Spider-Woman written by Chris Claremont. But it's Marv Wolfman! Instead, just picture these words are spoken by Terry Long. And we can at last see what relation Spider-Woman has to the original-recipe Spider-Man: it's not her powers or her mask or even her name; it's her inability to get through a date without having to duck out to fight or save somebody! Next time, Jess, date somebody whose hair isn't going grey, and who buys you cotton candy that isn't half-melted already!
Turns out the guy she saves from killing himself is from the Bicentennial. Geez, Marvel, it was two years ago, give it a rest, already! You've already proven that your Bicentennial Super Special Treasury was better than DC's. Also: way to suddenly try to date an even older guy, Jess.
Bicentennial Boy Samuel Davis is cursed by a witch (hey, why didn't they burn her?) to live forever. Holy Hob Gadling, Batman! Or, that is, live forever until he finds someone so in love with him she'll be willing to die with him. (Typical cisminded 18th century witch, assuming that Sam Davis is heterosexual, huh?) So, of course, Spider-Woman will be perfect to die along with him. HEY WAIT WHAT
Then suddenly, the greatest date interruption of them all: bear attack!
WAIT where was this amusement park or fun fair that is so close to bears, huh? That's mighty poor planning on behalf of the park operators. "Should we build it by the wild bear habitats?" "Eh, couldn't hurt."
As the signs say, bear left. Then Jessica Drew agrees to die along with Revolutionary War Dude and pushes him off a cliff. Then, she flies off, leaving him to be impaled on the conveniently sharp rocks below (seriously, where is this amusement park? Barsoom?). Nice brush-off, Jess. You coulda just given him a fake phone number. This guy will never ask her for a date or a death-pact again!
THIS WAS ONE OF JESSICA DREW'S BEST DATES EVER.