Sunday, November 01, 2015

Jack Kirby's Monsters, Night 12: I Fought the Colossus and the Colossus Won


Cover of Strange Tales #72 (December 1959), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Christopher Rule, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek

Yes, Jack Kirby predicted planetary warming, as seen in this absolutely true-to-life scenario that also happens to feature a world-wide computer that can predict the outcome of any global question, even what will be on NBC in the fall of 2015. (It predicts Blindspot will be cancelled by January!)


Splash page from "I Fought the Colossus!" in Strange Tales #72 (December 1959), plot by Stan Lee (?), script by Larry Lieber (?), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Steve Ditko, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek

In short, this is not much different than the also-Kirby Ruler of Earth. Still, guys, I'm pretty sure naming a big worldwide government-replacing computer "Colossus" is not all that great an idea.


...especially a computer that is secretly building a big ass robot. Or, as he was known in those days, Peter Rasputin.


Like Honeycomb, this robots big. (Yeah, yeah, yeah!) Also, dig that kuh-razy Kirby architecture! Frank Gehry, turn in your t-square — Jack's got you beat!


With those giant clodhoppers a-trampin' left 'n' right, how could the robot be anything other than an enemy? So, let's escalate the fight directly to atomic weapons. Really? And you guys got this far in civilization with that sorta attitude? I call shenanigans on that.


Luckily, the robot is rock stupid and is easily led over a cliff. Maybe they shouldn't have installed that special secret "Wile E. Coyote" protocol.


Then, humanity threatens the most powerful computer in the world by arriving to chop it up with axes and sledgehammers.


But what's this? (In my William Dozier voice) Turns out that the computer had built the robot to bring about an era of peace, harmony, prosperity and knowledge. Also: giant robots.


How does that make ya feel about humanity now? ... Dumb-asses.

1 comment:

JonJ said...

"Never mind the secrets of peace! We just want to know how to make those burrowing wires!"

Why do I get the impression Kirby was working to a tight deadline on this one?