Thursday, September 03, 2009

Tony Stark/Makes you feel/He's a cool exec/At your feet he'll keel

Iron Man #3When it comes down to high-adventure, big-action, punch-punctuated comic books on which the all-out battle excitement literally* explodes off the page...well then, bucky, you picked the right comic book, because Iron Man is the go-to mag for shoot-em-up, high-flying, repulsor-raying, armor-clanging action, excitement, and non-stop thrills. This magazine and its steel-encased, larger-than-life hero will shatter your mind with the never-ending, untoppable energy and intensity. I say "get ready for Iron Man," but you can't, because the adventure is unceasing and the dynamic tension never stops being dynamic or tense! Ladies and gentlebulls...the most action-packed Marvel Comic you can buy for your twelve cents...Iron Man! (an an an an an)

That is, unless it's the issue in which Tony spends the entire adventure swooning.
Iron Man #3

I'm serious: in this one issue, in the space of a half dozen pages, Tony Stark gets the vapors and dizzily swoons all over the place half a dozen times.
Iron Man #3

What's with the overacting half-faints, Mister Stark? Why so much playing the drama queen? I've seen Victorian women stuffed into sixteen-inch-waisted whale-bone corsets who didn't do this much overdramatic swooning.
Iron Man #3

"Oh, the pain, the pain..." Did the Mandarin glue Tony's hand to his head or something?
Iron Man #3

And of course, you all know the exciting ending to this issue, in which Tony Stark dies:
Iron Man #3
Every single swoony panel in this post is from the light-headed Iron Man #3 (July 1968), script by Archie Goodwin, pencils and inks by Johnny Craig, letters by Artie Simek

Yes, several pages of our muscled, armored, mega-powerful superhero swooning. That's what the kids like to read about in their comic books, don't they?

Well, let's let Tony catch his breath and later on I'll bring him some flat ginger ale and a couple of saltines to nibble on. Please join us here next time when The Hulk gets the sniffles and Thor stays indoors all afternoon with a minor headache. (You can't be too careful, you know. Better safe than sorry.)

*i.e., not literally.


Ron Hogan said...

It's like they read Amazing Spider-Man #33 and said to themselves, "We could do that!" and then decided, "Except maybe we should take out all that heroic stuff."

Joe said...

Luckily he sooned discovered the medicinal effects of alchohol...

Brian Doan said...

Maybe someone showed him Mark Millar's scripts for CIVIL WAR.

Sol (Frederick) Badguy said...

"Archie Goodwyn" wrote much better "Iron Man" stories than "Stan (the Man) Lee" wrote