Thursday, December 13, 2007

Darth Vader's Wishlist

It's almost Christmas, so you know what that means! No, not chestnuts roasting on an open fire, nor Jack Frost nipping at your means it's time for the annual office holiday party, where you get to hang around after work with the people you spend eight hours a day already. Remember, however, just because it's a party, it's still work, so dress well, behave sensibly, and for heaven's sake, don't try smooching all the women in the copy room just because you've had a couple drinks. Still, it could be worse: you could be at this office party:
Death Star party

Even more dangerous than the office Christmas party is the office Christmas party gift exchange. Every year millions of workers engage in trading off fruitcakes and Starbucks gift cards to people because they simply don't know enough about the recipient's home life to get them a proper gift. And especially pity the guy who draws his boss's name out of the Secret Santa hat. Sure, you could just go with the usual Hickory Farms Cheese Log and Summer Sausage gift pack, but why risk ticking off your boss by getting him a gift he doesn't really want? For instance, is it really the greatest idea to give your boss a copy of Carrie Fisher's novel Postcards from the Edge? Probably not! Don't let this happen to you:
Death Star party
Tsk, tsk, tsk. A simple beginner's gift-giving mistake that leads to irreparable career-track setback. If you happen to draw your boss's name for Secret Santa, don't get all choked up: simply have your droid log onto the galactic interstellarnet and check out what he really wants for Christmas Life Day on Darth Vader's Wishlist!:

Psycho-Kinesis: Moving Matter with the Mind (book)

Black Mask starring Jet Li (DVD)

Acme Burn Cream Ointment

Remembering Mother, Finding Myself: A Journey of Love and Self-Acceptance (book)

Foil, Saber, and Epee Fencing: Skills, Safety, Operations, and Responsibilities (book)

The Dark Side: An Erotic Thriller (DVD)

It's Just a Matter of Balance: A Very Personal Story of Amputee Rehabilitation

Behind the Mask by Fleetwood Mac (CD)

Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (book)

Saber Light 60 LED Cordless Rechargeable LED Worklight

Having Twins: A Parent's Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Early Childhood (book)

Reclaiming Higher Ground (book)

Black Like Me (book)

Novus Plastic Polish

Functional and Aesthetic Reconstruction of Burned Patients (book)

The Essential Guide to Volcano Survival (CD-ROM)

The Anger Control Workbook

The Force Program: The Proven Way to Fight Cancer (book)

Dr. Lee's Bronchitis/Asthma Formula

James Earl Jones: An Autobiography (book)

Also available for your holiday shopping convenience:


Anonymous said...

When I saw "Reclaiming Higher Ground" I did an almost perfect classic spit-take.

Super Edco said...

Clever clever.

SallyP said...

Hee hee!

Anonymous said...

WONDERFUL! What a fantastic, original idea...I wish I'd thought of it!