Friday, December 25, 2009

Today in Comics History, December 24, 1967 and 1944: How Hitler Tried to Steal Christmas, or, Have Yourself a Furious Little Christmas

Sgt. Fury Annual #4


Every Belgian in St. Vith liked freedom a lot...
But Herr Hitler, up in Berchtesgaden did not!

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

And especially at Christmas he'd turn extra brutal
And vow to make holiday joy and hope futile.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

He'd shout and he'd curse and he'd cause lots of mayhem
And order the Nazis to round up and slay 'em.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

But why did he hate Christmas, A. Schicklgruber?
I'm not sure, but maybe his brain was a tuber.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

I didn't do research, so don't call me lazy
But he was that mixture of evil and crazy

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

He hated the Roma! He hated the Jews!
If he lived above Whoville he'd hate all the Whos

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

He hated the Slavs and he hated the Poles!
Total mass extinction was his final goals.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

The gays and the Soviets, he hated them all
But mostly the Belgians with their soccer balls

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

(Because legend has told it, if you listen close,
Herr Hitler was jealous, he had just one of those.)

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

So he met with Herr Field Marshal Gerd von Rundstedt
And plotted to wipe St. Vith out, cold stone dead.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

In the snowy forests of Belgium's Ardenne
Invaded a half million German armed men

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

And Hitler's plan might have been a great prize
Were it not for the valor of all the Allies.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

Those thousands of soldiers who marched through the snow
US grunts like Bill Mauldin's Willie and Joe.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

And among them parachuting down through the flurry
Were the Howling Commandoes and Sergeant Nick Fury.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They landed on Nazis, attacked with a yell
And sent every one of those Germans to hell.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4


(Cause war isn't pretty and war isn't kind.
I'll expect you have to keep that fact well in mind.)

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They snuck through the woods with orders to shoot
But sometimes you have to give Jerry a boot.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

Snuck up on a tank, commandeered it. Voila!
With Gabe Jones's trumpet playing tah-rah! Tah-rah!

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Drove it into the woods and across German flanks
And proceeded to blast the hell out of their tanks

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Till the stolen tank finally ran out of fuel
Fury said "March!" (Mom Fury raised no fool.)

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"Keep 'em movin'!" Nick grunted, and then soon forthwith
They were moving down into the town of St. Vith.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

But the Howling Commandos had run out of luck
There were Nazis up on the road ahead. "Oh &#@%!"

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

And among the snow-covered Ardenne firs
Rounded up with a pack of American prisoners

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Each one of the soldiers was condemned to death
How would they escape? Are you holding your breath?

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

Sergeant Fury came up with a plan that was awesome
And commanded the Howlers to lie down and play possum.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They survived to battle through the long winter night
Sgt. Fury wasn't leaving St. Vith with no fight.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

Til the orders came down to stop the attack
St. Vith was lost, it was time to fall back

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They marched through the snow, and can you believe
They'd nearly forgotten it was Christmas Eve.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

All the Belgian kids came o'er the hills with a grin
There was Bernard, and Dieter, and Max, and Tintin

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

Each one was an orphan, without mom, without dad
Howlers determined to give them Christmas like they had

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When up in the sky there arose such a clatter
The Germans were bombing! Duck, cover and scatter!

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They blew up the chocolate! Blew up the coffee!
Why, those Ratzis even bombed Nick's Christmas tree.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

The Howlers shot back on that cold Christmas Eve
(As Nick Fury says, 'Better to give than receive!')

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They fought them with rifles! They fought with grenades!
They slammed 'em with weapons to stop the blockades

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

They each had a weapon or two, ev'ry fella
Dum-Dum's cannon turret! Percy's black umbrella!

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

On the cold winds the sound of jazz trumpet was borne
It's not really a fight 'til you hear Gabriel's horn.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

When you fight against Fury, nothing goes just as planned
And the last battle's with Nick himself, just hand-to-hand.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

With a boot in the crotch and a face full of snow
Fury struck at the Nazi with blow after blow

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

There's no law book to warfare, no Queensbury rules
And a soldier learns to use each of his tools

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The Nazi grabbed for a grenade with a grin
"Was ist? Meine Güte!" Fury'd pulled out the pin!

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His bones blew to bits and fell down with a rattle.
(He probably shouldn't have narrated his own battle.)

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On a snowcovered hill in the chill Ardenne
At last it was Christmas for Nick and his men.

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Fury survived the war, years later to divulge
This one heroic tale of the Battle of the Bulge

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

(What of Hitler, you ask? Well, he died four months later.
The Human Torch flame-broiled to death the dictator.)

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

So as you enjoy your Christmas with your tree
Just remember the men who kept your country free.

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

As Nick Fury was heard to yell "Hitler! $@%# you!
"Merry Christmas to all, and a howling WAHOO!"

Sgt. Fury Annual #4

2 comments:

SallyP said...

Oh Bully, your poetry is sublime. And I even shed a tear, for your fabulous rhyme.

Merry Christmas!

Unknown said...

Excellent Bully!

Merry Christmas!