Thursday, November 26, 2009

Fake Macy's Parade Alerts from a little stuffed bull on Thanksgiving Twitter

Superman Parade BalloonFake Macy's Parade alert: Upper West Side residents be on watch for Green Goblin balloon attacking Spider-Man balloon.

Staten Island residents be on lookout for Liverpool High School Marching Band, who have gotten very lost.

This next one is NOT a float, repeat NOT a float. It's TV weatherman Al Roker.

Please keep your eyes open for Cobra operatives posing as Macy's employees. Key giveaway: Serpentor balloon.

If a helicopter hovers overhead and you see a turkey flying down at you, run. Arthur Carlson's done it again.

Ah-ooga! Watch out for dimensional portals popping randomly throughout parade. Your clue: all balloons are apes.

Ladies and gentlemen, CAPTAIN AMERICA HAS RETURNED TO US, right in the middle of the parade! He's alive!

Warning: that is NOT a balloon that looks like the Macy's store! Dr. Doom has launched Macy's into orbit again.

The east side of Broadway now has a great view of Batman battling Two-Face on top of the Underdog balloon.

PLEASE do not give money to begging rats. They're just trying to raise cash for their invasion plans.

Oh no! Spider-Man has crashed into the Daily Bugle float! And photographer Peter Parker is nowhere to be found!

Beware of street vendors selling bootleg "Ben 9" merchandise.

Hey, look, it's the Scans_Daily float! Looks like they have chainsawed off 1/3 of the DC Comics float!

Please allow the man from the blue box to deal with the rampaging robot men. He's trained in this sort of thing.

If you see Black Lantern Cornelius Vanderbilt, do NOT engage in battle. Alert Green Lantern Horatio Alger instead.

Be certain you're viewing the AUTHENTIC Macy's Parade. Do not be tricked by competing Gimbel's parade.

RUN! That's not an iPod float, it's a Decepticon!

In honor of Thanksgiving, street vendors are adding a quart of chlorine to the hot dog water.

To our TV viewers: that was NOT, repeat NOT, a Viagra balloon. That was a commercial.

Several parade balloons will NOT be seen today due to Broadway Danny Rose shooting them in their warehouse.

If you come into contact with the pink empathic goo, please do NOT think of the giant Stay-Puft marshmal...uh oh.

Even if you DO see her in the crowd, please do not lick Liz Lemon.

Yes, it's a giant Paris Hilton balloon, people. Get over it, we're all adults here.

Please do not block gutters--kindly allow Morlocks and C.H.U.D.s to have a good view of the parade.

Will the owner of the Empire State Building please come to the parade office? Your lights are on.

Ignore the word "TRUMP" hastily-painted over "MACY'S" on parade signage.

It's the Twitter Marching Band! 140 trained musicians! Their music will be repeated by several following bands.

Now here's the Snoopy balloon...he's...oh no! OH THE HUMANI...oh, hey, look, Carrie Underwood!

If you enjoyed any portion of the parade, Superman will turn the earth backwards so you can see it again.

In retrospect, scheduling the New York Marathon on the same day may have been a mistake.

And now, the Dorf Cosplay Brigade...100 trained marchers impersonating Tim Conway's beloved comedy character!

While she is spinning, please stand out of the way of Diana Prince until she has completed her transformation.

It appears that the Macy's Parade has joined forces with the Lord & Taylor Parade to battle the Gimbel's Parade!

And now, the Yancy Street Dancers! And...they're throwing custard pies at that orange gentleman in the crowd.

When in the presence of Michael Bloomberg, it is customary to bow BEFORE kissing his ring.

That's not a parade exhibit of fantastic cars, folks...the Wacky Races are just cutting across midtown today.

Please do NOT accept coupons for "Free Mayorin'" from Ed Koch.

What's THIS? A deadly dirigible? Dangerous doping-gas? Can the Dynamic Duo stop the Clown Prince of Crime in time?

And now, in order to bust this myth, Adam and Jamie will now blow up the Bullwinkle balloon with C4.

On behalf of Macy's and all Macy's employees, we do solemnly apologize for the 'Twilight' float.

No, folks, that's NOT a salute to Satanism...the Danzig tour bus is just on its way to Madison Square Garden.

On behalf of HAMMER director Norman Osborn, please enjoy your complimentary Spider-Hunting-Guns.

And now, popular comics character Ghost Rider! Oh wait, no, Gary Busey was smoking and drinking at the same time.

Update: Macy's Parade and Gimbel's Parade have decided to team up to fight the Amazon.com Parade.

On your left, you'll see the Statue of Lib...you Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

parade attendees: please do NOT feed the Kardashians.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROLLING STONES! Oh wait, that's the Veterans of World War I. Never mind.

Please, no one tell Will Smith he is NOT actually the last man left alive in Manhattan.

What the? Peter Potamus?!? I thought we burned that balloon years ago!

Missed the parade? See it tomorrow with new bonus footage added by Industrial Light and Magic! MORE GUNGANS!

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has been brought to you by Dolley Madison...neat treats to eat.

And, with the traditional running of the Santas on the Electric Razors, we declare this parade over. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

A late update: Macy's/Gimbel's Parade 7; Kmart/Walmart Parade 5, in overtime.

3 comments:

illmosis said...

This completely makes up for not seeing the actual parade. My only complaint was how there were dozens of cameras filming the parade but you still couldn't see the faces of the Yancy Street Dancers. Oh, well... maybe next year.

Unknown said...

More fun than the actual parade, if you ask me! That was quite a kaleidoscope of in-jokes. I know I only got about half the references, but I chuckled at the ones I did get!

Arcadia Jane Berger said...

The Decepticons' fake iPod float wasn't as bad as the Martians' TriPod entry....